Time for more breed profiles, we know, we’re overdue. Tough Titties. This time we’re tackling the breeds whereupon it’s easy to believe there is in fact a connection between pleasantness and length of leg. That’s right kids, it’s time for the Achondroplastic (There’s a Scrabble word for you) breeds per our selection. Brace yourselves for a lot of short jokes.
Pemmies, Cardis and for funsies their peasant cousin, the Vallhund (Sort of)
Okay, so technically a Vallhund isn’t a Corgi but it has the same shape and can also be a big dirty asshole, so we’re lumping it in, so ha.
-Want a sport dog? Drive a compact car? We’ve got the dog(s) for you. There’s a reason you see a ton of corgis at dog sports. They’re good at it, despite the length of their legs. They are generally good with kids and make great junior dogs, in conformation or performance.
-These are dogs bred to take a kicking and keep on ticking (literally). Both breeds of Corgi are dogs that can run with you or go for a long hike and come right back in and snuggle down in your apartment. They’re hardy and fairly healthy. Certainly not frail dogs.
-Owning a Vallhund means that you can own a rare breed without people thinking you are a snob. The flip side of this is that you will spend a great deal of time convincing people your dog isn’t some sort of Corgi mix.
Before we dive in to the bad, we’ve gotta split these guys up. First off, the Cardigan is the one with the tail, the Pembroke is the one with the queen and the Vallhund is the one with the vikings.
-The Pembroke is spitzier (Cardigans have rounder ears and softer personalities), and everything that comes with that. They can be sharp and reactivity is not uncommon.
Similar to the Kraken, but longer.
-Corgis love to get fat. Real fat. They’re easy keepers and usually very food driven, always a dangerous combination. Combine that with their short legs and long back and you’ve got a recipe for the bad back mentioned below.
-Like every other breed on this list, Corgis are prone to back problem because of their length of back. That’s an expensive surgery, lots of rehab and a long time to keep a normally active dog fairly still and calm.
-The hair. So. Much HAIR. These dogs walk into a room, puffs out their cheeks and Poof! Blows hair on every surface. Honestly, it’s almost magical if you don’t have to be the one vacuuming it all up. Get used to find wafting balls of hair in corners and under furniture. And on your clothes. And in your food. And in other places we dare not mention.
-These tiny creatures are a bundle of fun (albeit not always in the way you would want them to be). Full of spirit and energy, prepare to be kept on your toes by owning one. They are attention-loving clowns who will steal the show whenever they can. If you are someone who can find the joy in your dog stealing baby Jesus from a Christmas display (seriously, BusyBee has a friend whose dog did this), then you might be well-suited for this breed.
–Loyal to the core, Dachshunds bond strongly with their owners and are almost underfoot (literally). Dachshund owners will tell you that they are sweet, affectionate, and cuddly with those that they deem acceptable, but may not be so with strangers.
Blanket Burrower: Expert
–Ever heard of Doxie World Domination? Well, it’s a real thing. Many Dachshund owners can attest that these dogs are cute, they know it, and they aren’t afraid to use it to manipulate you.
-Barking is actually bred into this breed. They were bred to hunt small game and bark to alert his human. If you want silence in your home, don’t get a Dachshund.
-They’re like pringles, you can’t have just one. Seriously, most Dachshund owners start with one and then slowly (or not so slowly) start adding to the herd. While this may not seem like a bad thing, imagine some of the less desirable traits in multiples. You might want to invest in some ear plugs.
–It should be no surprise that these feisty little creatures are prone to back injuries. Add in a propensity to be overweight and a love of dive-bombing off of furniture or anything else they can climb up on, you have a recipe for disaster.
-If you are looking for a highly biddable dog, you should look elsewhere. Dachshunds tend to have a mind of their own. They believe they are in charge at all times. They like to decide where they are going, when they are going there and what they’ll do when they arrive. That isn’t to say they can’t be trained, but it will take a lot of patience and a sense of humor.
–Just seeing one toddling along is enough to make anyone smile. They tend to approach life with a certain joie de vivre that can be contagious.
-If you’re looking for a dog that just wants to hangout, take casual walks, and chill out on the couch you don’t need to look much further. Most Bassets are pretty Bro-ish dogs. They’re cool to go on a weekend warrior hike, or hang out and drink some beers., Whatever dude.
– Although they are short haired, Basset Hounds shed more than you might expect, and tend to drool after they eat or drink. A Basset Hound may not be a good choice for someone who likes a very tidy house or doesn’t like slobber hanging from their lamps…and their furniture…and their ceilings.
–If you live in a city, or have neighbors who are looking for any reason to hate you, the vocalizations of a Basset will not win you any friends. They’re a breed of dog made to make noise, and they’re very good at that. People that love them tend to love the baying but not so much their upstairs neighbor.
-Bassets just aren’t healthy dogs. Yes, yes, we know you have an uncle with a pack of hunting Bassets that are healthy as horses. We’re not talking about those. They’re prone to numerous genetic issues, allergies, and of course the back issues of all the other breeds on this list. Their ears alone are a nightmare, thanks to their general droopiness. They are also another breed that tends towards fat.
-The basset is a breed pretty heavily impacted by BYBs, because of their cuteness. As always, one should be careful where one gets their Basset.
Probably not to standard
-Hound Stank is also a very real thing.