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Just Don’t Call Me Late For Dinner; or Your dog can’t actually speak English, ya dumbass.

20 Oct

Show of hands if you’ve ever called your dog an asshole.  Or a fucker.  Or any other particularly colorful name that you’ve seen us use here on this blog.

*waves hands in the air like we just don’t care*

For those of you that didn’t raise your hands, either you are lying or you have perfect dogs.  In which case you’re still lying.

For those of you that raised your hands, welcome to the club.  We feel you.  We get you.  You’re our people.  And by our people, we mean our foul-mouthed minions.

If you are someone who thinks that calling your dog an asshole makes you an ever bigger asshole, may we suggest getting your panties out of a wad?

Here’s the thing.  We can love our dogs and still refer to them as shitweasels.   We can even joke about rehoming our dogs and still love them. Potnoodle tries to give her dogs away constantly (turns out no one else wants the assholes either.)  While this may seem like common sense to those of you who are rational and/or have a sense of humor, you’d be surprised how many uptight people get upset on various dog forums or personal Facebook pages when they see dogs referred to as anything other than a precious furbaby.  BusyBee recently received a nasty Facebook message from a “friend” who was upset that she referred to her dog as “the worst”.   Seriously.    No lady, you’re the actual worst.

Before one of you (who probably shouldn’t be on our page in the first place) says, “But Dog Snobs,  isn’t it a slippery slope from calling your dog an assmarmot to abusing them?” all we can do is roll our eyes and tell you to relax.  We assure that our dogs are pretty much the opposite of abused, even if they do occasionally get called things that would make our grandmothers blush.

Here’s the thing. Dogs give zero fucks about what they’re called. Tone of voice? yes. That they care about. Jokingly referring to your dog as a dumbass on the internet? Nope. They’re not going to pick that up. We see you over there, wringing your hands, clutching your pearls, and blathering on about building a relationship. We hear you, we just don’t think calling our dogs a Ratbag has any bearing on the relationship.

Dog ownership isn’t all sunshine and roses. The smiliest, happiest dog owner can continue to bottle it in, smile and call Pookie their furbaby all day long but one day, at three in the morning, Pookie is going to paint her crate with the foulest diarrhea that has ever existed and Ms.Happyfuntimes is going to have to explode. It happens. You realize it isn’t the dog’s fault but you still call them Shittageddon as you magic erase all your hopes and dreams off the wall.


But when it does….

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“He’s just protective”: Freakshows and the people who love them problematically.

14 Sep

We started this article last summer in fact when Fang and Potnoodle went on another edition of “Grand Dogshow Adventure™” and infringed upon the hospitality of friends in another state because being equal parts poor, annoyed with your work circumstances, and willing to make others uncomfortable opens up your bunking-in options dramatically. Extensive driving, however did leave much time for article discussion (Despite not actually putting it all together until a year later) and we’re going to hit on one that we’d begun and stalled on previously, the tricky issue of “protective” dogs who we all know aren’t actually protective.

We air quote whatever you say.

We’ve all seen it.  Hell, it’s been so romanticized and stuffed down our throats that it’s really hard to get around.   What are we talking about? The Perfect Dog. From Rin Tin Tin to Lassie, the perfect dog comes home not only pre-trained, single-mindedly bonded to its owner, psychic,  perfectly coiffed without a brush ever having touched its luscious locks, kid-socialized and a completely savage vicious creature to any man or beast who threatens its owner. Sound familiar?

Snuggles!

Snuggles!

Much like the discovery that your closet can’t actually transport you to Narnia (So much for multifunctional, IKEA, you jerks) most of us get over this idea sometime between puberty and getting our first dogs. While these people are a pain in the ass, the belief that their dog can do no wrong is considerably less irritating than their counterparts, the freakshow enablers. This small subset of the population believe erroneously their special snowflake is a delicate flower of Persia who must be coddled, cuddled and soothed in perpetuity because “He’s a rescue!” or “He’s just a normal <insert breed here>” and any and all bad behavior is excused on that basis from now until the end of eternity.

 

Delicate God Damn it

Delicate God Damn it!

 

To those people, YOU ARE RUINING YOUR DOG(S) AND YOU NEED TO STOP IT RIGHT NOW! JUST STOP! Tssssch!

tsst

Let’s look at the reality here. The actual number of truly physically abused dogs in a given population (And we mean actually abused, not just fed Beneful and denied a custom no-pull harness) is very small. Totally unsocialized, under-stimulated and undervalued? Absolutely. Physically abused? Unlikely. Physically abused by a man in a funny hat? Even less likely. Odds are good the dog has just never seen such a bizarrely headed man and therefore he is suspicious and someone to be feared.

I also find this terrifying… yet captivating?

This in and of itself is not particularly problematic, unusual or even worrisome to most reasonable dog people. Damaged dogs? Hell, we see them weekly. Fearful, undersocialized and dogs with poor genetic temperaments are nothing new or even interesting at this point. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt with the holes in it from Snookums’ panic scramble to freedom from their leash being clipped to their collar before they ran out the door to be killed on the highway. Dogs with issues are the norm. They are not inherently the problem.

Ten of them are you, and the last three are open for suggestions.

 

Where this becomes an issue is when our inherent need to own ‘Perfection the Wonder Hound” kicks in and we begin making excuses, enabling behaviors and in some cases even encouraging these horrendously bad manners (and bad temperament) simply because the dog is damaged (Rescued/neglected etc) or too valuable to not excuse, or because no one is bleeding yet…

 

The eighteen month old German Shepherd cowering between your legs and growling at your vet IS NOT PROTECTING YOU.

Why would I hide? I’m bad-ass.

The Bichon you physically cannot leash because he will bite your hand IS NOT JUST CRABBY.

Okay, well maybe in this case a nasty one is normal.

The confident herding breed adult puddled (literally and/or figuratively) on the ground when a judge attempts a cursory exam, or even better, whips around to nail them because “He touched me delicately with kind hands” IS NOT NORMAL FOR THE BREED.

He’s going to what to my what?

The Shih Tzu barking and carrying on with darting nips to ankles which draw blood IS NOT JUST PLAYING.

“I’m going to drain your blood!”

These are all serious behavior and dare we say, temperament issues that need to be dealt with and/or locked away and never reproduced. How you deal with them is a many wondrous thing and there are literally dozens of options from the asinine to amazingly effective but what matters is that you deal with them. We don’t accept your excuses* and you shouldn’t either.

 

You have a freak or a dog who acts like a freak sometimes? B.F.D. The next time you want to explain away their behavior, pause and reflect:
1) Are you explaining the behavior to someone who is in some way helping you fix the issue?
2) Are you making vast generalizations on breed temperament to explain why you don’t have an issue and everyone who thinks you do has the problem?
3) Yelling at someone who dares toddle by and disturb your snowflake’s forty foot perimeter bubble of not having an ever-loving shit fit?
4) Are you continually setting your dog up to fail with environments they cannot possibly enjoy or succeed in just to prove to yourself they are “totally fine” while telling those around you that this is normal and okay?

If you answered “Yes” to anything other than 1, we need you to go back up to the top and read all the way through again then think about it then read it again.

So here’s the breakdown, kids. Kooky, weird, spooky freakshow dogs are not inherently unusual, weird, or anything to be particularly afraid of.  It happens. It sucks. It means a lot more work for you, but… they can still in most cases have relatively obedient and normal lives. As long as you can accept that you do in fact have a problem and are willing to deal with it you’re solidly on the right track. If you pretend you don’t have a problem or have somehow contracted the erroneous belief that everyone else is wrong, well then we’re going to have issues, and more problematically your dogs are going to have issues… forever. Don’t be that owner who we crate away from and all tacitly try to avoid coming into contact with because your dog is terrible and you are clueless and do dumb stuff with him. Just don’t.

We did ourselves a favor.

*And yes, sometimes situations with freaks are unavoidable but as long as you’re working on it we really don’t judge.

Forgive me for I have sinned: A confession by BusyBee

28 Aug

Hi, my name is BusyBee and I have a confession.  I let my dog get fat.

As our readers know, we here at the Dog Snobs feel strongly about keeping dogs in good shape and not letting them get to manatee-type proportions.   As such, you can imagine how hard this is for me to admit this not only to myself but to all of you.

Mr. T is a stocky boy to start and has never been a particularly lean dog, but a particularly busy summer at work, shitty weather, and a slew of other lame excuses led me to realize a few weeks ago that my formerly fit specimen of a dog has gotten…err…fluffy.   Sure I had noticed his harness was getting a little tight and that his usual amount of neck rolls had increased, but it didn’t dawn on me just how heavy he had gotten until I saw a particularly unflattering photo someone else took of him.  While my first instinct was to say that the camera adds 10 pounds (oh wait, I already used that excuse for my own selfies), I quickly became horrified and embarrassed.

 

Nope. Just fat.

Now, I know some of you are probably judging me at this point (and that would be your right), but I would like to think that the difference between myself and the people we generally shame for having fat dogs is that I *know*  my dog is fat and I’m taking immediate steps to stop him from getting even fatter.    From cutting down his meals (Mr. T is pretty sure I’m starving him) and upping exercise, my goal is to get Teddy down to his healthy weight, which is about 5 pounds less than he is now.

Next stop, puppy weight.

 

I refuse to be one those people who flatly refuses to acknowledge that their dog is fat, comes up with ridiculous excuses (“It’s just his winter weight”), or keeps feeding my dog until I have to roll him down the hill.   I won’t let my dog be a statistic ( or more realistically a fat dog meme), dammit, so here we go on our weight-loss journey.

 

So if you have it in your hearts, forgive me for letting Mr. T get a little too fat and happy.   I’ll work on forgiving myself next.

11887869_10103187095132654_5432449981249784745_n

 

WTF Wednesday: Click and Treat

30 Jul

 

 

 

 

Bling bling

Ta daaaaaaa

Fierce

 

Don’t get us wrong, we like sparkles as much as the next girl, but on a clicker, really?  Isn’t the whole idea of clickers is that they supposed to be easy to hold and use?  Pretty sure bedazzling the crap out of it doesn’t make it any more practical.  It does, however, make you look like a Toddlers & Tiaras reject, which is saying a lot since we all know the quality of those klassy (yes, with a K) individuals on the show.
Plus, if you’re like us, you lose clickers faster than you can buy them.   Losing one you paid $60 for (seriously, that is the going rate on Etsy) is a lot more painful than losing a handful of free ones you picked up at various shows, seminars, etc.

So, would you pay $60 for one of these babies?

 

GoFundYourself: Moving, Rednecks, and other updates in the life of Fang.

13 Jul

I Fang, have been a busy bee (No relation) in the somewhat expected but still rather sudden process of moving. That’s right underlings, I am leaving the elderly phallic shit-show that is The Sunshine State and departing for blue-green pastures to the north. While I’ve been playing an elaborate game of “Maybe Potnoodle and BusyBee will just pretend I contributed to something” it’s gotten a little silent and a little awkward so this is my contribution for the next month or so while I pretend to pack things while playing an alarming amount of Tetris. It is of course a list of things that are irritating me at this exact second. You’re welcome.

Not really, Florida. I know you try, you just fail so often it’s painful.

  1. Is it just me or has everyone lost their mind? Perhaps it was just that weird little bit of niggly earwax that constituted some degree of self-respect that was picked out sometime between some moron buying some sad sack parvo puppy off Craigslist for the low price of $7000, and then proceeding to hold the rest of us emotionally hostage as they hit us up for hundreds of dollars to fund this astoundingly poor life decision. I get it, I do, shit happens, emergency funds are very easy to deplete and sometimes life just sucks. There is however a fine line between “Oh how sad” and “God, what now?”.Despite theories to the contrary I’m not actually fully heartless. I don’t begrudge genuine emergencies, charities, or fundraisers for legitimately good causes. Hell, last year I was on a team rally (I’ve still got glitter in places I don’t want to think about) that used a similar site for an amazing cause and managed to contribute a fantastic amount of money. But here’s the gist guys–I’m not going to contribute to your 30k fund for your special service dog who is being imported as a puppy from some far off ‘-istan’ and he’s the only dog who could ever do the job ever. I’m also not going to contribute to your 20 year old dog’s CCL repair, your new $300 training vest, a crash-tested crate for your snookums or my personal favorite, a puppy for the kids because they can’t afford to buy one.
    I am by no means the arbiter of sound financial judgment, but I am cheap and pretty good at differentiating a need from a want. While I think many of these sites were set up with the former in mind, they’re increasingly directed towards the latter. To those funds I do in fact say, Go Fund Yourself.

    When your life plan matches a joke on South Park, you should probably reconsider your options.

  2. Stupid people annoy me. Willfully stupid people make me want to smash things. While I was closing up at work I took T-beast, who has turned into a bit of a frisbee-phile, out while I shut off ponds, etc. There was one other dog in the entire park and while I’d previously found this dog annoying, it was a hot and low-key evening, so I wasn’t anticipating any difficulty. I was amazingly wrong. This dog who we will call Doltface proceeded to harass, chase, posture over and otherwise ignore the amazing restraint shown by T-beast in her judicious corrections. Doltface’s owner, who we can just call TheAmazingDolt, yelled “Come! Come to me, damn it! Come! Get over here!” repeatedly while never actually bothering to stand up or put down her magazine. An inability to keep my mouth shut led to this charming exchange:“You realize that by not actually getting up and resolving the issue he’s learning he doesn’t have to listen to you at all, right?”
    “What?”
    “You’re teaching him that blowing you off is totally fine.”
    “He knows it! He’s supposed to come.”Amazingly, my mouth remained shut about other things that are supposed to happen, especially in regard to natural selection, but here’s the point. Supposedly this woman knows what she’s doing as she tells us all in great detail. Given how much yelling, puffing, and lecturing him on his badness that she does, one would think the reality would dawn on her but the rose-color glasses are GorillaGlass trifocals apparently. Supposed to and does are in fact different things. Who knew?

    Oh dear god.

  3. Moving is a shit-ton more difficult with dogs. I typically have four dogs in my house in an elaborate social strata that requires arrows and graphs to explain in detail. That is magnified in my car where space is a premium and the Malinois is perpetually a projectile. Have you ever attempted to fit four dogs in a hatchback with 8 crates? I can say from experience that this is impossible. While all of my dogs are fine together in short bursts, something about the car brings out everyone’s bitchtasticness and by middle-Georgia we’re all just about done with the horse-shit. So I discovered on my most recent northerly adventure that three crates, a grooming table and four dogs was the upper limit of my little Subaru’s attitude hauling capability. Relying on the pity of friends, however, has paid off and the Malinois is hanging out with the mottled scorpion-dragon and her co-owner up north while I stuff the others into progressively smaller spaces. Eventually I should have a cattle dog themed jack in the box. If you would like to fund my new vehicle, my move or other shit I want but don’t feel like working for feel free to message us.

    And by that I mean I'm incredibly expensive

    And by that I mean I’m incredibly expensive

  4. Speaking of Funding-oneself, what the fuck is with these sad-sack impossible cases where everyone is supposed to put their life on hold to fund a legless, stomach-less, bowel-less, face-less lumps of flesh but sweet puppy and we have to save it! There was a new one I saw today with a severely deformed English Bulldog swimmer puppy (Who has not recovered) with amputated rear limbs, no functional pelvis and a spinal deformity… like really? What kind of quality of life are you looking at there? I’m glad that you love… well whatever that is, but let’s check our own feelings at the door a bit here. There is a point where your love is making the situation worse, not better and the reality of the situation needs to be examined.

    I cry my sad tears into a river of Shut the Fuck Up.

  5. We had a fire at work. No one died, or was injured and nothing was even destroyed but we have no A/C until the repair guy gets here (Which is who knows when), and then the big *if* he can actually fix it. This is Florida in July; Hot is an understatement.

    So yeah, it’s really hot

  6. On a non-dog related note, there was a big rally this weekend not far from my home… a big redneck rally for redneck pride over a redneck flag for redneck reasons that somehow seem worthwhile to said rednecks. (Really Evan, your parents are from Rhode Island) This interrupted my commute for Indian food. Not amused, rednecks. Not amused. In all seriousness though, is the fact that the flag is offensive news to people? I was pretty sure we all knew that already, like how the sky is blue or that sinkholes are bad. You can’t throw up a swastika wielding garden gnome and say you’re embracing this symbol of good luck from your Eurasian ancestors without being considered an asshole. I’m all for pointing out the obvious (Just ask my friends) but in this case I’m a little annoyed by the distraction of it all. The flag, while an issue, does not actually address any of the problems, circumstances or entitlements that allow for these tragedies to happen time after time. It’s all depressing and tragic and it never changes. What’s wrong with us?

    Just when I’m selling the damn house.

  7. Lastly, if you think a young adult high energy herding breed is “just going through a phase” when it gets ten minutes of play training a day and trashing all your shit out of boredom but crating is mean and you didn’t get a dog to crate it and it’ll be fine haters!… just get the fuck out. Just go. Go. Shoo. Away with thee. Except before you do, tell me where you’re going to hang out your newly minted “professional trainer” shingle, so I can move there and fix all the shit you fuck up beyond all reason for profit and let’s be honest… funsies.

    Preach.

I could go on, but that’s all I’ve got for you today kids. Hopefully I’ll be back to our regularly scheduled bitchery sooner rather than later but until then, happy trails and happier tails.

Anatomy of a Dog Forum Shit-Show

27 Jun

We’ve all been there, right?  When a seemingly benign thread on an online dog forum goes from zero to crazypants in 6 seconds flat.   Although it may sometimes seem like the mayhem comes out of nowhere, if you look carefully enough, there are a few universal steps that happen (often in rapid fire sequence) before a thread explodes.

 

1. Someone asks a seemingly benign enough question on a dog forum (These questions may in fact be the work of an advanced troll who prides themselves on stirring up shit or they may actually be some poor sad sack who has no idea what they’ve just started). Think “What type of food should I feed my dog?” or “What is the best kind of training?”. Pro forum users can usually spot these topic from a mile away and quickly run to get popcorn and something boozy while they wait for the fireworks to begin.

 

2. Those who feel the most strongly about that specific topic join in right away and provide black-and-white answers espousing the “truth” as they see it.

 

3.Immediately, another forum user comes on and posts exactly the opposite of what the previous poster just said.

 

4.The first poster disagrees with their new forum adversary (i.e. someone who disagrees) and proceeds to preach the “truth”.  One or more poster is eventually blocked by the other.

 

5. Random lurker pop up out of nowhere and stirs up the pot even more.

 

6. Someone brings up Cesar Millan for good measure.

 

7. Name-calling begins, usually consisting of lame things like “asshole” or “troll” or the occasional “poopyhead”.  May we suggest that if you are going to stoop to this level, you might as well make the names good?  For your convenience, here is a list of Dog Snob sanctioned insults:  shitweasel, assmarmot, douchecanoe, douchenozzle,  twatwaffle, or if you’re feeling old-fashioned, a fucker.

 

8. Back and forth…and back and forth.  This is a good time to go refill on that popcorn or take a potty break.

998

 

9. Someone makes a Nazi reference.

 

10.  Someone called someone else a Nazi?  Now it’s on!  People come out of the woodworks and join the fray.


11. Someone posts as screen-capture of what another poster has said in another forum or group that disputes what they are saying in the thread or brings to light some offensive action.

 

12. A moderator steps in to remind everyone of the community guidelines/rule.

13. The Mod is thoroughly ignored.

 

14. The thread is now entirely off topic.  The OP is likely no longer participating and it has boiled down to two teams of people,  bringing up past offenses with passive aggressive comments.  Other threads/vague book posts have spawned off this one.

 

15. Some non-mod do gooder chimes in with a meme or quip trying to calm everyone down.

16.  Someone posts another popcorn-worthy thread elsewhere and the masses migrate to go through steps 1-15 all over again.

 

So, who’s in the mood for a forum fight?!

Know Thy Dog

27 May

We have a confession.  Are you ready?  Sure?

Our dogs aren’t perfect*.

Shocked?  Despite being Dog Snobs, our dogs have their foibles.  What stops us from being Dog Hypocrites though, is that we are well-aware of these issues and do our best to manage them.

Training and management are key for pretty much everything dog-related. Is your dog an asshole around other dogs?  Doesn’t like being in tight spaces like elevators?  Wants to eat kids? Hates skateboards?  That’s cool….as long as you don’t sit back on your laurels and let them act a fool.  Training can work wonders, but can only go so far so fast.  Until you have a handle on your dog’s issues, manage the shit out of them.  Putting your dog into situations that you know they are an asshole just makes you an even bigger asshole.

 

The first step, like most things, is acknowledging you have a problem.  We know that you love your baby fluffy-kins more than cheese and crackers, but not being willing to admit that they can be an asshole in certain situations doesn’t do anyone any favors.  Your dog can still be your favorite thing in the entire world…and still be a jerkface at times.

Once you’ve acknowledged that your dog is not in fact the Mother Theresa of the canine world, the next step is coming up with a plan.  Pro tip:  Hoping it just goes away is not a plan.

 

Sometimes this plan may involve simply paying better attention to your surroundings or advocating for your dog, but sometimes it might actually take some lifestyle adjustments.  These changes can range from changing the time of day you go on walks to avoid triggers, muzzle-training your dog, or accepting that you will have to take the stairs instead of the elevators because your dog turns into Cujo in tight spaces.  Trust us, people will judge you far less if you have to occasionally dive head-first  into a bush to avoid other dogs on a walk than if you let your dog release the kraken on every single dog who passes by as you stand by and twiddle your thumbs.

We get that having a dog who is an asshole can be a work in progress and that sometimes there are slip-ups, but intentionally having your head so far up your own ass that you don’t even admit that your dog is an asshole, well…that’s just shitty.

 

*not perfect, but pretty darn close!

If by Precipitate you mean Asshole, then Yes: Health Testing, Disclosure and you. A Rant.

21 May

“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.”

You are that chunky bit that looks like the bottom of a park bench right there. That’s you.

Bah dum chhh! Chemistry nerds (or just people who took year 9 science) will get this joke and that’s because it is true and hilarious. One area where “the precipitate” is something even more unpleasant than the gunk floating in your test tube is dog breeding. That’s right kids, if you as a breeder aren’t part of the solution, you’re not only part of the problem you are the problem. Full stop.

What pray tell is the problem? Well, that depends on who you ask, but I’ll break it down for you.

For better or for worse (depending on who you ask) in the United States breeders, hoping to do the right thing by their dogs and developed in conjunction with universities, veterinarians and people who just gave a damn, created tests to quantify the quality and health of their stock. How well that works in the case of OFA hips/elbows is debateable* but the genetic tests and marker tests alone have been a wondrous addition to the world of dog breeding. In educated hands they make what was once a total crapshoot in terms of health, something potentially predictable; as much as these things can be and for breeders who care that is a wonderful, wonderful thing. It allows breeders and buyers to make truly informed and educated decisions on where they want their program to go in the case of breeders and functional dealbreakers in terms of what is and is not acceptable, needed or wanted. I truly love what testing has brought to the table in both of my breeds, and this dear friends is the crux of the issue.

Anything short of full disclosure on health testing results is spitting on your breed standard, insulting fellow breeders and defrauding your buyers. Full Stop. No Excuses.

Every Single One

I’m not sure when “A little information is a dangerous thing” became the norm in dog breeding but we need to knock that shit off. Information is glorious. Information does nothing but allow you to make BETTER decisions for your dogs.


“But Fang! People are mean and other breeders are cannibals. One sign of a problem in my dogs and they won’t sell me a dog or breed to mine and I won’t be able to sell my puppies, woe is me poor innocent waif blah blah.”

Ahem


Newflash! People are already trashing your dogs, your haircut, your personality, what you bred, what you didn’t breed and they’re doing it on hearsay. People say your dog has shitty elbows and carries EIC and sneezes lime Jello? Prove them wrong, test and make that shit public. Or prove them right and show you have nothing to hide. You know what sketchy? A breeder who does not test.

Secondarily, you know what’s really sketchy?  A breeder who hides the bad things. Guess what kids, people who care are going to do the research. If there is a lack of a test on one of your dogs but suspiciously everything else has it with sunshine and rainbows flying out its ass? That’s a bad sign. “Why wasn’t “x” done when everyone else was?” To people in the know, I’m sorry but the implication of that is you’re hiding something. Who hides things? Scummy, suspect people.

It really is, dog.

Dog people eat our own. We know we do and we should own that. We hold others to our own, hopefully high standards, and love our dogs, our breeds and our communities to distraction. We want what’s best for all of those and often times, the vehemence and nastiness in those disagreements spirals out of control. This however is no excuse.

I will argue to the ground that any information, regardless of actual result or status, is the only service breeders can offer their buyers and the public at large. You cannot guarantee health, beauty, temperament, titles, or a death date beyond reasonable precautionary measures but you can offer piles of information for those who want to hear it. If someone doesn’t want to hear it, they probably don’t need one of your dogs. You can also offer other breeders the courtesy of allowing them an unvarnished look at other lineages and what they could be risking or breeding in to. Would you not want the same courtesy? I can tell you from just clicking through databases, a single bad result does not remove a dog from the breeding pool. It removes the shock of a bad result in offspring, and forces breeders to be more conscientious about future breeding choices (And what is and is not a good choice to minimize or eliminate a problem). What about this is a bad thing?

In essence anything short of full disclosure on a database such as OFA which is publicly accessible to any and all who may look is morally reprehensible.

Or at least the standard clump and toss in some extras for funsies. Otherwise you’ll be viewed with suspicion, doubt and distrust. It’s up to you, really.

Any information is better than no information.

Complete information gives the community at large a better chance at beating back the ever encroaching health problems that plague breeds. Hiding that information is an insult. Do us all a favor and try being part of the solution. It’s the right thing to do.

And now you know.

*But only a little, so no excuses peeps.

WTF Wednesday

21 May

980x

You know the annoying dog hair that gets all over your clothes and furniture and into your food and makes you question why you got a dog in the first place?  Apparently now you can make good use of it by having a dog hair sweater made.

Given how much time we spend trying (to no avail) to look like we haven’t just rolled around in a giant pile of dog hair, we aren’t sure how we feel about these. On the one hand, maybe wearing an actual sweater made of your dog’s hair is the best way to stop all the nasty comments from non-dog owners about how fur-covered you are.  On the other hand, it might be a sign that you have just given up on ever trying to look nice.

We’re all about bonding with your dogs, but this may be taking it a bit too far.What do you think? Would you wear your dog’s fur as a sweater? Would you still be our friends if we did? Let us know!

**Feeling inspired?  You can buy a handy dandy book here or follow the simple directions here. **

You can’t Google Maps that Shit: a.k.a. That mythical farm is a myth and you’re an idiot. A Rant by Fang.

14 May

So we’ve all seen it. The person trying to home their senior or near-senior outdoor dogs because of <insert bullshit reason here>. Inevitably this dog needs to live on a farm or on a ranch to be a “Working dog” or washed out of being a working dog because they harassed the neighbor’s livestock or can’t live in the house because it’s never been inside and has no concept of what a door is let alone how to ask to go outside because they’ve never spent a night under a real roof. It’s depressing, it’s sad and it pisses me off and here’s why.

Brace yourself for your Thursday dose of sunshine kids….

There is no farm or ranch or outdoor preserve that will take your neglected, poorly trained, stock-chasing, cat-killing, senior who isn’t house-trained, leash trained and whose concept of manners ends somewhere around not actually shitting in their own dish, dog.
Rest assured dear-readers, I am by no means equating these poor pathetic creatures and their careless owners to the real working dogs who sleep in barns, fields or kennels and spend their days making life easier for their hard-working owners. These dogs are treasured members of their teams. The ignorant presumption that any wild dog will be “happier” or “better behaved” on a ranch is as asinine a statement that exists.

The only field available to them is Elysian and it will be courtesy of a rancher when that dog, who you dumped into some god-awful Craigslist slum scenario will escape and go frolicking with those cows and sheep you had so hoped they could live with in their new home. Problem being of course, the rancher doesn’t see it as playful frolic but as harassment, and a danger to their livelihood and it will end quickly and with a literal bang.

I’m truly sorry your priorities have changed and your life is made more difficult by the lack of forethought or effort you put into acquiring your dog in the first place. I’m also sorry you will truly have to struggle if you want to make your dog even remotely re-homeable. But most of all I’m sorry for your poor dogs who’ve not been given the chance to be that adored pet or that treasured working dog, but who’ve been left to fester in ignorance and training neglect. I’m also sorry for the puppy you see no issue in bringing into this den of idiocy because you want it  now and everyone else is a bunch of meanie pants or are totes jelly of your life choices.

With starving sharks…