We haven’t ruined your Saturday in a while. Let’s change that. For today’s installment, we’ve found some adorable critters for your enjoyment. And yes, one of them is actually for *that” type of enjoyment. In the famous words of Big Bird, which one of these things is not like the other? That’s right friends, two of these are dog toys and one is a sex toy. Can you tell which is which?
Have you thought long and hard? (See what we did there?)
Let’s start with the easy one, shall we? Option C is indeed a dog toy. How are you doing so far?
So that means that either A or B is a sex toy. Have you made your final guess???
Well, despite B having a suspicious looking pleasure hole and one hell of an 0-face, that is indeed a dog toy. So that means that adorable little option A is for adults only.
We’ve been slacking on Sex Toy or Dog Toy shenanigans, we know. We would like to report that it’s because we’ve been getting so much action in our personal lives that we needn’t write about such schlock, but sadly, that isn’t the case. So, here we are, back to writing about things that require us to clear our internet search history on the regular. So minions, which one is ribbed for your pleasure and which is ribbed for Fido’s pleasure?
We want you think LONG and HARD about this one. See what we did there? No? Think harder. And longer…and..ok. We’re done. You missed Saturdays, didn’t you?
Option B, despite having some rather suspicious looking nubbins’ is the dog toy (puppy teething rings), while Option A is a lovely set of cock rings. Both are dishwasher safe (just say no to sex toys next to coffee mugs) and sturdy, so you just know there is some sicko out there using them for dual purposes. If it’s one of you, dear readers, we really don’t want to know about it.
Which is a cactus meant for your pooch and which is a cocktus meant for your….yeah….
So even though option A appears to have double-prick action, it is indeed a dog toy, meaning that option B is the unfortunate sex toy. Nothing screams pleasure like a cactus up the hoo-ha, are we right?
I scream…you scream…we all scream for ice cream…
School may be out for summer, but it’s pop quiz time! Ok minions….Your goal is to guess for each of the three pictures whether they are a dog toy or a sex toy.
1. This friends, is a sex toy called the iScream Silicone Sex Toy, and according to the manufacturer, you can throw it in the the freezer for a ‘cool’ sensation before using it. Yep, definitely scream-worthy….
2. It’s pink, flexible, and bullet-shaped, but alas, this is a dog toy.
3. Despite looking “ribbed for her pleasure”, this is indeed an innocent dog toy that you can pick up at your local Petco.
What is that we hear in the distance? Is that the sound of the local ice cream truck? Hmm….we’ll pass.
Have we mentioned how much we love our minions? Why, you ask? Because they now send us pictures of questionable dog toys and tell us they thought of us. We’ll take that as a compliment. We think. So, thanks to reader Megan for this lovely (?) Sex Toy or Dog Toy Saturday. So, which one is which??
So at this point you’re going “Oh Dog Snobs, you can’t fool us. Those are clearly both sex toys.” In fact, Potnoodle refused to believe one wasn’t a sex toy after BusyBee told her the answer, so…. we give you proof:
That’s right. Option B, despite having two “heads” is a Nylabone. Emphasis on the bone. Really Nylabone, did it have to have that exact shape? You’ve already got the Galileo bone to answer for. And what is that in the bottom right-hand corner of the “packaging”…strong and long? We just… To paraphrase one of the greatest modern poets, this toy is long and strong and (we assume) down to get the friction on.
There are so many awkward jokes we could make here, but we’ll spare you since we’re feeling charitable. So minions, which one of these fish is the PG-finding Nemo dog toy and which is better suited for finding your G-Spot?
Ok, now that you’ve grossed yourself out with fish jokes (admit it, you went there), are you ready for the answer?
Option A is called the “Rub my Fishie” (ew) and is indeed the sex toy. Those eyes are super creepy. Would you want that staring you down? Nope. Option B, despite having a look of fear in its eyes, is a dog toy meant for Fido.
“That’s what Option A said”
It’s Saturday. You know what that means. Time to make you really uncomfortable yet again. So minions, which of the following belongs in your dog’s mouth and which belongs in your….erm….purse?
Questioning all those times your grandmother told you to never leave home without your lipstick? Ready to answer? Good.
Option A is a Petco lipstick dog toy and Option B is an “incognito” lipstick vibrator. That’s right. It goes on “those” lips. Of note, both claim to be durable and made to withstand hours of aggressive play. Fantastic.
Ready for the last Sex Toy Saturday of 2013? No? Too bad. Ok kids, which one of these festive toys is more for Fido and which one is more for Fetishists?
If you guessed Option A was the dog toy, you’d be right. Heck you’d be right if you guessed Option B was the dog toy. Congrats dog toy imagineers…You’ve managed to ruin everything. Good job. Also, why does our dog need a flogger? You know what, forget we asked.
Ho, Ho, Ho…ly crap.
Ready for us to ruin your Christmas? You know how this game works by now. Which of the following toys gets off Mrs. Claus and which is meant for your dog’s paws?
Ready? Sure about that? Ok then….Option A is a Santa Vibrator, complete with removable hat and “snow” topping (um, eww) and Option B is a Santa squeaky toy meant for your pooch. That being said, the dog toy is actually pretty creepy. Look at those shifty eyes. He clearly can’t be trusted.
Merry Christmas, Minions!
We’re here to ruin another Saturday! For this week’s installment, let’s take a little Polynesian vacation.
So, which is the sex toy and which is the dog toy?
Apparently nothing is sacred, even religious symbols. Just be thankful we aren’t posting the Baby Jesus Butt-Plug. Yes, that exists. Look it up. Or not
Option A is a “Squeaky Tiki” dog toy and Option B is the adult toy that gives a whole new meaning to “going south”.
Anyone for a vacation?