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Put it back, you don’t need that! a.k.a. Picking the correct breed is important. Don’t fuck it up.

26 Nov

Every year the AKC comes out with statistics on the most popular breeds. For several years the Labrador has reigned supreme (Much to the chagrin of Labrador people in both the show and working divide) as the most commonly registered dog in the United States.

Popularity sucks.

Unsurprisingly, these statistics have very little to do with the realistic ownership pool, (e.g. people who really can handle the best and worst traits of the breed responsibly, provide adequate exercise and training, and not just let their dog run amok and terrorize the neighborhood).

Fluffy!! Stop chasing Mrs. Jones!

 

Every asshole we know with a dog they can’t or won’t manage put very little thought into their decision to own a dog let alone select an appropriate type, so we’re here to help. Before you get your dog, consider these factors, or we’ll mock you via inappropriate stick figure dramas.

He’s asking how we’ll kill him today.

 

1) Do you actually want a dog or do you want Lassie?

This is not your dog. Stop expecting your dog to be this dog.

We want you to brace yourselves. This may come as a shock. Dogs have individual personalities! We know. It surprised us too (It didn’t). While we’re glad your neighbors German Shepherd rescued a family of ducklings from being eaten by Kanye, and your childhood Collie didn’t eat your homework, but rather he did it better than you were able to, we can pretty much guarantee you that the puppy you picked from the litter is not that dog. Don’t get us wrong, there are certainly one in a million dogs (Heart dogs, usually) who know us better than we know ourselves. These dogs are made, and not born despite what everyone with their magic dog tells you.

2) What is your current energy level?

Are you a couch potato? A runner? Pro-tip, don’t get a dog made for who you are not. There is no shame in wanting to stay home and nap. If you want to sit in the house and do cross-words, get a Pug. A Border Collie will only bring you misery and bring the dog fatness and bad behavior.

Let’s be honest, you’re probably too lazy for this too.

3) Have you ever trained a dog before? To what level? No, be serious, what have you actually done?  

Saying you want a high-drive full-speed dog is all well and good but if your current pets don’t even have manners, it’s like demanding to do a heart transplant after completing that 6th grade unit on “the human body”. It’s just a dumb idea. Some breeds are ‘trainers’ breeds and some breeds are ‘pet breeds’ and most breeds fall somewhere in the middle, and even individuals of breeds can be more or less intense. Aim for what you know you can handle now, not what you’d like to handle in the future.

 

"We've handled this dog really well.  Let's move on to a Chessie!" said no one ever.

“We’ve handled this dog really well. Let’s move on to a Chessie!” said no one ever.

4) Why do you want this breed?

If “because it’s cute” is your reasoning, just go away. Really, walk away. If you can’t give a comprehensive list including the potential (Or extremely likely, depending on how carefully you pick your dog) negatives, you’ve not done your research and you need to go back to the drawing board.

Mommy, why is the kitty in the teddy bear’s mouth?

5) How many have you met in person? How many breeders have you talked to?

If your answer is “Less than one” you don’t need to get that breed. If your answer is “One”, you need to try harder. A reasonable sample size is more than three and talking to 3-5 breeders or breed enthusiasts. Posting a lone question online doesn’t count, neither do breed message boards or Facebook. Make a phone-call, write an email, or just get out and head to a dog show. It’s not that hard.

If you have to ask yahoo answers, you can’t have one.

 

6) How much time (or money) are you willing to put toward grooming?

So you think you want a Puli? Malamute? Afghan Hound? How much money do you have to groom it? None? Go away. Really. If you don’t have a good cost estimate from a local groomer, you don’t have a clue.

I have some Fiskars and a leaf-blower. I got this.

7) Once again, why do you really want this breed?

Really, why?

 

8) Are you on drugs?

Some breeds seem to require it as a prerequisite to ownership.

One of the only valid Fila owners.

 

9) Did someone laugh at you when you said you wanted said breed?

If experienced dog owners laugh when you just mention the breed name… it’s time to walk away.  In the dog world, it’s safe to assume you know nothing compared to people that have lived with the breed for years.

Wait, did you just say FIla? Excuse me while I die laughing.

 

10) Do you want this dog because it’s novel?

Sometimes breeds are rare for good reason.   Imagine a world with Presa Canarios roaming city sidewalks on the end of flexi-leashes?  Yeah.  We don’t want to think about it either.    If you insist on being a Rare Breed Braggart, at least look into a dog that you can manage using the above criteria.

Having a dog no one has heard of doesn’t make you special, it just makes you stupid.

 

If you made it through our list without running away crying and you think you may actually still want one, you… still need to do a shit ton of research. No, watching Dogs 101 doesn’t count, neither does reading the wikipedia article. Talk to breeders, talk to owners, read the literature on the breed and then, if you still think you want one, pray to the flying spaghetti monster that the breeder is willing to let you have one. Pro tip: If the breeder tries to give you one on your first visit… walk away. A good breeder of a difficult breed is just as difficult as the dogs themselves. You have to work for it.

 You’re welcome.

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That’s Just Shitty: A Monday rant courtesy of BusyBee

18 Nov

Picking up dog poop should be common sense, right?  Seems pretty obvious.  Your dog takes a dump out in public, you pick it up.  Easy.  Well…easier said than done given that common sense is not exactly common and there are a lot of self-involved, oblivious, or just down-right disrespectful people out there.

 

Yesterday I stepped in two different piles of dog shit while out and about in my neighborhood.   Seriously.  Nothing makes me rage more.  I don’t understand people who don’t pick up after their dogs.  Sure, it’s not glamorous, but what parts of dog ownership are? (Certainly living with Mr. T who routinely belches in my face, farts in bed, and licks his not-junk in my presence has robbed me of any delusions of glamour I may have started with).

So why don’t people pick up after their dogs?  I’ve pretty much heard it all.

1. “ Dog poop is natural.”

    So is arsenic.  I don’t want to drag that home with me either.

To infinite amounts of poop…and beyond!

2. “ I didn’t want to carry it with me.”

Oh, so letting other people carry it home on the bottom of their shoes is a better option.  Got it.

Truth.

3.  “I forgot a bag.”

Be creative, then.  It’s amazing how many things can be used to scoop poop.  Channel your inner MacGyver and use leaves, a twig, or a napkin to pick it up.  Or here’s a novel concept…ask someone.  If you live in the city like I do, there is always someone around and most of us are responsible dog owners and carry extra bags.

WWMD: What would MacGyver Do?

4.  “I didn’t see where it went.”

I live in the city where leash-laws rule, so either your head was completely up your ass or your dog was off-leash and you weren’t paying attention.  Both are crappy excuses.  Is it dark out?  That’s fine.  Use a flashlight.  Don’t have one?  There’s this nifty little thing called an app that can give you one instantly on your smartphone.

5. “It makes me gag.”

If you can’t deal with dog poop, you shouldn’t get a dog.  Dogs poop.  Sometimes it’s gross.  Sometimes it’s REALLY gross.   But you know what, it comes with the territory.  So suck it up buttercup, and clean up after your dog.

If you’re going to spew, spew into this…or an extra poop bag

 

So how do I handle this? (Other than venting on the internet?).  Usually I offer up a combination of dirty looks, passive aggressive offers to lend them a poop-bag, or simply yelling across the park to pick it up.

 

How do I *want* to handle this?  Oh, I have lots of fun ideas I’ve toyed around with.  Does anyone else remember “John TV” where local stations aired the names of men who had been caught soliciting prostitutes?  Well, I  have imagined airing a segment on the local news or neighborhood blogs with photos of the assholes who routinely don’t pick up after their dogs.   I’ve also joked about starting a vigilante poo crew that hides behind bushes and upon seeing a poopetrator, jumping out, yelling, “ah ha!!” and then shaming people into picking up.  And if they don’t?  We follow them home and light burning bags of their dog’s crap on their front patio.*

Or this. I could get behind this.

*I am not really suggesting poo-filled revenge or vandalism.  Relax.  Let a girl have her dreams.

 

So, anyone else feel the rage?  Think I’m being too uptight?  Have any clever ideas to deal with the idiots who can’t be bothered to clean up after their dog?  Share below!

Ten Things You Should Really Stop Doing

2 Nov

You may have noticed. We’re pissy people. Shit annoys us. Here’s a short list of what’s annoying us lately. We reserve the right to expand on any of them later.

1. Using Acronyms and industry-babble you don’t really have a grasp on .

LAM, LAT, BAT, CC/DS, OC, R+, P-, VSR, DOR, and so on.   We get that acronyms are an easy way to remember complex terms, but if you are using multiple in one sentence it just becomes alphabet soup.  And if you don’t understand these terms and continue to throw them around, we’ll notice.  It doesn’t make you look smart to toss around acronyms at a rapid-fire pace…it just makes it look like you are trying too hard.  We have a fun acronym that should maybe be inserted into some of the more acronym-laced forums we read….STFU.

2. Using Hopeless cases as the mascot of your rescue.

You know what’s great for getting dogs adopted?  Social media exposure. Seriously, it does wonders. You know what doesn’t help? Keeping a dog alive just so it can push your rescue. For every four thousand dollar drive you have for that albino, blind/deaf chihuahua with a seizure disorder, cleft palate, legless, with a hole in its heart you could save ten other perfectly happy healthy dogs. We get that people are dumb, they need a case to put their money behind but you are prolonging the suffering of that dog. Stop it.

Quick, capture it. We’ll make a killing when we post the photo on facebook.

3. Stop posting pictures of horribly abused dogs on Facebook

Bombarding your Facebook friends with graphic images accomplishes one thing. It makes us want to de-friend you or block your posts.  It’s not that we aren’t sensitive to the plight of abused animals, but there are better ways to raise awareness than making us ill whenever we log on to Facebook. In fact, just about anything is more effective than clogging up Facebook feeds of people who ignored you in high school. Talk to your legislature about increasing penalties for animal abuse, be on the lookout for animal abuse in your own neighborhood, talk to your children about the proper way to treat animals.  And if you must post a story on Facebook, please leave the photo out.

4.  Over-using the word “reactive”

Let’s look at the word first. Reactive. Google tells us it means showing a reaction to a stimulus. So, unless your dog is catatonic or dead, let’s hope he is reactive. Go ahead, go poke him. We’ll wait. Did your dog wake up? Good. We all have reactive dogs, let’s invest in front hook harnesses and pounds of beef liver. We kid, we kid. Every tool has a use, blah blah blah. Your dog barking or even snapping at a rude dog in its space? Yeah, that’s reactive. That’s also PERFECTLY normal. We’ve touched on that, we won’t rehash it here. Your dog isn’t just reactive to dogs that get all up in his business, you say? He’s willing to go over a fence and chase a dog down eighty yards? Well then your dog isn’t just reactive, he’s over reacting and he’s being an asshole. Stop blaming it on the latest buzz-word in dog training.

5.  Baiting fights in internet forums by mentioning Cesar Millan.

“That was a really productive Cesar conversation!” said no one ever.  For real.  We know that he is a controversial figure and that there are clear factions for and against him, but we’re pretty sure that every possible talking (yelling?) point has been touched on by now, so continuing to post questions in dog forums like “What do you think about Cesar Millan” is just asinine.  Do you really think there will be some breakthrough the 10 millionth time people get in internet screaming matches over him?  Probably not, but you do know you are sure to get a lot of responses.  We can’t help but think that people who frequently post about him are just giant attention whores.

Clearly a much better use of your time.

6. Analyzing Dog Body Language in one photo.

A Picture’s Worth a Thousand Words, right? That doesn’t mean we need a damn essay on someone else’s photo just because you can  see the white of one of the eye’s of the dog. Unless someone asked for your advice… It’s none of your damn business. Follow thumper’s rule, This isn’t a one man/woman crusade to save every dog from every uncomfortable photographed moment. It’s one moment in time, and you have no idea of the situation… calm down.

Don’t mock it, he’s sensitive

7. Calling balanced training abuse.

Everyone is allowed to have an opinion, and when it comes to dog training… everyone does. That’s cool, we have an opinion too. What you SHOULDN’T do is call a training method you don’t agree with “abusive”. We’d show you actual abuse but that violates rule three. When you use it to describe a training method, you cheapen the word.

Honestly, we’re just really amused by this picture.

8.  Making shit up.

The internet is a vast and wondrous place, made smaller by search engines like Google.  It’s pretty darn easy to figure out if people’s stories are inconsistent with the truth, or at least with what they have said on other internet platforms.   You’re calling your dog a wolf hybrid on one forum when you’ve previously referred to them as a purebred Akita on another forum?   You say your dog has titled in AKC?  Your dog saved the mayor of a small town by rescuing him from a well (oh wait, that’s Lassie)?  Guess what…it’s pretty easy to confirm.

We recently got our TTX, Time Traveler Excellent.

9.  Make Animated Dog/People Hybrids

Nothing creeps us out more than those weird animations where you can put your dog’s head on a human body and post it all over dog forums.  We really don’t need to see your Shiba as a Rockette or your Lhasa as a sexy nurse.   That type of thing should stay relegated to the dark corners of the internet along with squid porn.

Last tentacle porn joke for a while, we promise.

10. Publicly Shaming/Judging people on the origin of their dog.

Can we repeat the “none of your damn business” thing one more time? If you must judge, judge silently. If the dog came from a shitty breeder, it’s too late to do anything about. If it came from a good breeder and you wanted it to come from rescue, It’s STILL too late and you’d be an asshole. If it came from a rescue and you think it should have come from a breeder, you’re probably an even bigger asshole. Moral of the story is, you’re not going to change someone’s mind about their dog by publicly flaming them.  So just stop.

Hands Out of the Bowl: A Rant.

22 Oct

Imagine you’re at a restaurant after a long day and the waiter has just served you your favorite dish.  Before you can even dip a fork into it, the waiter rushes back, takes the food away from you, sticks his hand in it and mushes it all around.  If you’re thinking at this point that you would cut a bitch for interfering with your long-awaited meal, you’d be totally in your right.   So why then do some people insist on messing with their dog’s food while they are trying to eat?

 

We’ve all heard it, right?  “I can do anything to my dog while she eats”, or “I wanted to see what would happen if I took his food away mid-bite.”   Seriously?  We’d bite too if someone repeatedly messed with our food.  Just because your dog “allows” you to fuck with his food, that doesn’t mean you should.

Don’t let the diaper fool you, she’ll take a finger off.

 

You’re not testing your dog for resource guarding by doing this; you’re actively encouraging it.   Want your dog to get nervous and tense around their food?  Teach them that meal time means “human plays cruel games with my foods”

 

You know who’s a giant dumbass? That guy. I think we all know who that guy is. We aren’t saying we let our dogs snarl and wolf down their food, but we do know there is a better way than standing over your dog’s food like the karate kid until the dog snaps and crushes all the bones in your hand.

You can’t see it, but he just punted a schnauzer and a bowl of beneful into the pacific.

Wanna know how to fix it*? Try hand feeding your dog, take the bowl completely out of the equation. If your dog isn’t quite to the bone crushing stage, try dropping a few kibbles of food in your dog’s bowl every time you walk by, delivering his entire dinner that way. That way, food near bowl grows to equal more food. You’ll have to live out your Mister Miyagi fantasies elsewhere.

 

*We aren’t dog trainers, we definitely aren’t your dog trainer. We just happen to own both dogs and all ten fingers we came in to this world with. When in doubt, ALWAYS consult with a professional trainer. Preferably one that has never been on tv.

Craigslist fails… again.

11 Oct

Sometimes when Potnoodle is in a mood, she goes to Craigslist to yell at the idiots there. This generally results in her sharing her rage with her fellow dog snobs…. and this happens. You’re welcome.

You can’t even spell the made up designer dog breed name for your dog correctly?  You want to meet in a Rite Aid parking lot?  So much class.

Do you have a boder collie or a broder collie?  And what the hell is a gingpigs.

Seen above- the Bro-der collie. Also known as the Wingman-eraner.

who you calling a ho?? Also, Nope… didn’t really need to see your chamber pot dog bowls.Perhaps they should have been called Wench-made.

 

Not nutured.  So he has still has his nuts? Or did you mean nurtured… did you not hold him enough as a baby? Too busy training him to  to go to the Greek Isles?  A cool trick but was it worth the risk to his mental health?

Ignoring the people in the photograph (and seriously, you couldn’t get a picture of just the dog?), what the hell is a mini collie? I’d assume they meant Shetland Sheepdog but this clearly isn’t a purebred sheltie. Maybe they’ve developed a new breed and this one still has all of its blood?

There’s some important information left out here, like… what does she heal?  If it’s like… the common cold she’s worth way more than thirty bucks.

Matted, nasty, and covered in fleas. Plus he pees in the house but, by god, he DOES have papers. Maybe you can train him to pee on them.

Wha..how… the fu,,,That’s not how you spell Weimaraner. A simple google search… like this, Like five results down and she wouldn’t have been mocked.

“He’s just a puppy!” and other dumbass excuses for idiots and the responsibility challenged

1 Oct

We’re sick of it. You know what we mean. The stupid people. The rude people. The rude and stupid people. The rude and ignorant stupid people. So we’re going to make it easy. Rather than attempting to muddle through the idiocy, we’ve made a guide. Consider it our guide to knowing if you’re going to need to make that drink a double.

 

1) He/She’s just a puppy.

This is the go-to excuse for people who don’t want to bother making boundaries or actually putting effort into their dogs. While we’re probably bordering on that being factual, your nine-month to eighteen month dog is not in fact a puppy anymore. Seemingly thought of as a way to excuse any and all of their dog’s bad behavior, we’re here to let you know, it’s not. If your fourteen month old retriever puppy harasses the other dogs and does not respond to their corrections, blowing it off with “Oh she’s just a puppy” is not a way to make friends. Conversely explaining that your “puppy” jumps up and bites your arms as you show your scars is not a good way to make a case for passing a basic test of control. Puppyhood is a very very short phase; you should enjoy and embrace every puppy behavior that charms and delights you. You do however need to understand that what was “cute” with a puppy, can be exceedingly *not* cute in an adult dog, and downright dangerous in many cases. Love your puppies, but make sure you’re raising an adult dog you can be proud of.

 

2) He/She is a rescue

All three Dog Snobs have rescue dogs.  We understand that sometimes the dog comes to you in a less than ideal condition.  We get that it can take time to work through them.  However, allowing your rescue to get away with murder and not making any attempt whatsoever to solve the issue at hand? Not cool.  Allowing this to go on for years?  Really not cool.  While rescuing a dog is a great thing, actually working with your rescue dog is even better.  Rescuing a dog is not a life-long excuse for his bad behavior nor does it give you an excuse for a life-long pass on responsible dog ownership.

Sometimes I bark at other dogs because a dog barked at me once four years ago.

3) He/She doesn’t mean it

Are you actually saying that your dog who is trying to go cobra at the end of your leash is “just joking”? Explaining the reasoning behind this particular sentiment is infuriating.  What exactly does he mean? Is snarling and slavering at the end of a leash how he says hello? If that’s what you consider hello, we’re gonna choose to walk away.

This is just how he says hello!

 

4) The other dogs will correct him/her if there’s a problem

People who say this are inevitably the ones who subsequently freak out when a dog does indeed correct theirs.   While we do agree that helicopter dog-parenting is not the way to go, nor is letting other dogs go all “Lord of the Flies” on your dog.   What starts as an appropriate correction can quickly escalate, especially if the dog on the receiving end is lacking in dog social skills.  Instead of letting the dogs battle it out, it’s your job as an owner to intercede if necessary.  Your dogs shouldn’t have to figure out everything on their own.  Part of being a responsible dog owner is knowing what kind of behavior is appropriate and what isn’t and making sure that your dog isn’t consistently pushing other dogs to the edge.

Not this kind of pushing, but we could see how that could get annoying.

5) My Dog is Friendly

Please don’t make us say this again.  It makes us get all riled up.  Read our thoughts on this asinine phrase here.

 

So, the moral of the story? If someone opens their mouth and some of these phrases come spewing out, there’s a good chance you’re talking to a moron.   Walk away, and quickly.  We hear idiot can be contagious.

Dog Snobs tackle Yahoo answers… again.

28 Sep

Yahoo Answers….where brain cells go to die.    And where stupid people usually get even stupider answers to their even more stupid questions.  Lucky for them, we’re here to help.  And by help, we mean give answers in the way only a Dog Snob can.

Yes. It’s a better alternative to the pole.

When they’re born, roughly fifty percent do. We recommend you have them removed, along with any reproductive parts you may still have hanging around, lest we be in danger when we encounter your genetically stupid children.

The Baja men.  Or maybe that pesky neighbor kid. Either way, get off Yahoo answers and get the dog back before they get hit by a car, dumbass.

Heaven spelled backwards?  Yes.  It’s stupid.  If you are even considering naming your dog (or child) this, you really need to get out of the trailer park, take the rollers out of your hair, and get a job.

Yes, and they’re judging you for that tacky dolphin jumping over a butterfly tattoo you got on your ass in college.

We suggest a Breaking Bad marathon. If you don’t have Netflix, maybe a few jokes or a tapdance routine.

It’s probably the rabies. You have two options, Old Yeller or Cujo. Which are really the same option… good luck with that.

*Brindle.. and all you need to know about him is that your are too stupid to own him. Take him back.

How about you pee on a damn stick and stop relying on your weird fetish dog and yahoo for all the answers.

**Want to see us give more fantastic answers?  Check out our previous installment here.

Don’t Feed My Dog

20 Sep

Picture this:  You’re strolling down the street hand-in-hand with your kid enjoying the beautiful day when suddenly a complete stranger accosts you, gives your kid a piece of candy, and despite your protestations, continues to shovel sweets into your kid’s mouth.  Having a hard time imagining this?  Yeah…maybe that’s because this would never happen.  At least not without being a headline on the 6 o’clock news about woman tackling stranger.

So why then, is this not unheard of in the dog world?  Surely I can’t be the only one who has run into this issue–people who give your dog treats without first asking permission.   And if I say no, please listen.  And if you try to sneak him  a treat when I’m not looking?  Prepare to be punched in the throat.

Mr. T has severe allergies.  It took us several years to get them under control, and even a single treat with one of his allergens can trigger a massive response. As such, he is on a very limited diet.  When I say no to a treat, I’m not doing it to be difficult or because I am a tiger mom who doesn’t want my dog to have nice things.  I’m doing it because I need to.  Thankfully explaining to most people nicely why he cannot have that Beggin’ Strip that’s been floating in the bottom of their purse usually gets the job done.  However, there will always be those people who seem to take great offense at turning down a dog treat.  And even worse, there are those people who have literally given Mr. T a treat when I wasn’t looking. Thanks jackass. When he is up all night with diarrhea can I call you at 3 am?  Or can I ask you to pay the vet bill if he ends up with open sores from scratching his hives? No?  Then don’t feed my dog without my permission.

“I thought it would be worth it.”

*Anyone else have this issue?  Think I’m being too controlling?  Have at it in the comments*

I’m not keeping my foster dog. And no, that doesn’t make me a bad person: A rant by BusyBee

16 Aug
Over the past week since my latest foster dog came home, I’ve been bombarded by eager friends, coworkers, and complete strangers who want to know if I’m keeping her.  When I tell them that no, she is just a foster and will not be staying, the tone inevitably turns from excitement to dismay.   Based on their reactions, you would think I just told them that I stomped on a kitten, not that my end goal was to find a great home for my foster.

If by the quotations you mean reality, yes. Yes, indeed.

Up until last night, I hadn’t really let it get to me.  And then…..I went to puppy playgroup with my foster.  Enter holier-than-thou crazy dog lady (I could write a whole blog entry just on her…hell…I just might) who literally said to me “Oh, I could never foster dogs like you.  I have too big of a heart to give them up.”

re-he-he-he-healy?!

So apparently I’m heartless because my end goal is to send my fosters to a forever home that isn’t my own.

Gotcha

It seems that a lot of people don’t seem to understand the point of fostering.  As a foster, I am the gateway between the shelter and finding a forever home for dogs who need a little extra time and attention.  Do I care deeply about the dogs I care for?  Yep.   Does it hurt when they leave?  You betcha.  Is it worth it?  Absolutely.  Sending a successful foster to a new home is one of the most rewarding things in the world.

Now, I do realize that most people who have given me a hard time about not keeping fosters are well-meaning.  They see how far the dog has come under my care and how bonded we are, and think that staying together is best.  I also think that a lot of these people would foster fail themselves and can’t fathom how others don’t.  But please don’t try to guilt/shame/beg me to keep my foster.

Just because I follow my head doesn’t mean I don’t have a heart.  I am in no place to take on a second dog right now and frankly, I’m perfectly happy just having Mr. T in my life.  I know people find that hard to believe, but one dog is plenty for me.  If I followed my heart and adopted every dog I fell in love with or bonded with at the shelter, I’d end up on the 10 o’clock news as that “crazy lady” with 200 dogs in her 1 bedroom apartment.   No one wants that, right?

Truth

Look, I am not saying there is anything wrong with foster failing (heck, some of my best friends have foster failed and got some great dogs out of it).  I just wish more people would understand that there isn’t anything wrong with NOT “failing”.

So with that, the next person who suggests I’m in any way a bad person for not keeping my deliberately temporary dog, just shut it. I foster succeeded and you’re welcome. Hopefully your next shelter dog will be fostered by someone who cares as much as I do.

You’re pretty stinking cute. But you’re not staying.

Our contest? Well we have our first loser and we mean that in every sense of the word

10 Aug

We may have mentioned before that we’re internet dog group joiners. If there’s a dog group, we’re probably a part of it. If it’s a discussion board? Heck yes! We’re there.

A totally accurate representation of our Facebook friends.

Most of the time these are good places with good people who really just want to help others and maybe pick up some tricks for themselves along the way. You can find really great advice, tips, tricks, deals, steals and recommendations for trainers, products, clubs etc that can be difficult to acquire on your own without spending a small fortune (Or a large one).

Probably immoral, but genius

There are however pitfalls of these groups, the first and foremost being of course, being sucked into petty arguments over absolutely anything under the sun.

“I don’t care if they’re synonyms! Put down your book of words and blindly follow what I say you *bleep blurp bleep* monkey fister *bleep* scallywag *blurp bleep bloop* atomic Communist!”

These arguments are in a phrase, annoying as shit.

Yes Agnes, they’re really damn annoying.

Really it’s our general annoyance that caused us to make our ‘Don’t be an Asshat’ trick training contest but sometimes, and not as rarely as we would hope, someone goes ahead and pushes an argument to such an extreme it surprises even our cynical little hearts.

We also root for the sun.

Without revealing all the details, after a “Pointless Methodology Argument (TM)“* someone involved in the discussion explained that she had in fact been to <trainer under discussion>. The next day she awoke to a message from someone she inexplicably enraged who wished death upon her dogs… yes you read that correctly.

Our reactions exactly.

This group in general is prone to some melodrama and usually that’s just mildly entertaining/slightly annoying but really? We may be ridiculous bitches, but we don’t make that shit personal. If you make it personal, you’re an asshat.

Yes creepy Facebook jerk. You are an asshat.

You’re basically a leisure suit made out of cravats, Hammer pants and bad life choices.

Whoever did or does that kind of thing really needs to take a minute, pause and reflect on their actions. Personally speaking, there have been some great dogs lost this month. Wishing that kind of pain on anyone is just plain cruel. We’re so incredibly unimpressed.

Great Job.

Think before you hit enter. Karma is a bigger bitch than we are.

JJ

*The more refined yet still annoying sister of the Pointless Internet Argument.