Dating with Dogs: A Primer

21 Jul

Dating is hard.   Dating with dogs…is interesting.   In addition to the normal questions that run through every single person’s mind (What should I wear? Am I showing enough boob?  Too much boob? How’s my breath?), a dog person will probably also have some, if not all, of the following thoughts:

  1. Will my dog like my date?
  2. Will my date like my dog?
  3. Will my date like my dog more than me?
  4. If my date has a dog, would our dogs get along?
  5. How does my date feel about dog hair?  
  6. I sure hope I don’t have any dog hair in awkward places.
  7. What will I do with my dog if my date comes back to my place?
  8. More importantly, what will my dog do if I bring a date back home?
  9. Will my date be turned off by the copious amounts of photos of my dog I have?
  10. Should I have hidden said dog photos?
  11. How slowly should I reveal my layers of dog crazy?
  12. Can they handle the crazy?
  13. When is the appropriate time to tell someone you are dating that you write a blog best known for ‘dog toy or sex toy’ comparisons?  (Ok fine, maybe that’s just us).

 

 

 

 

There also some things you should probably know before dating someone with dogs:

  1. Love us, love our dog.  It’s really kind of simple.   
  2. We like our dogs more than you.  That’s unlikely to change.  
  3. If you are insecure being a third wheel, please move on.  The dog was here first, and you are the interloper.  While we can find a way to squeeze you in on the couch with us, the dog isn’t going anywhere.
  4. While ideally we would find a significant other as dog crazy as we are, we are fine settling for someone who supports (or at least doesn’t get in the way of) our own craziness.
  5. Don’t take us cutting our dates short as a personal affront.  Sometimes we really do need to go walk the dog, and no, that’s not a euphemism.
  6. Our hobbies consist of dogs,  dog people sometimes,  and lots of driving to dog events. If you want to come and “be supportive” you will be bucket bitch. That title is exactly as glamorous as it sounds. We also probably will ignore you until we  need a brush, a snack (for the dog, and I’ll know if you steal one)  need you to get me a leash,  or (surprise) need you to fill a bucket. It’s not personal, I just need those things and you’ve volunteered.
  7. Don’t question our dog-related spending habits.  Ever.
  8. You can maybe work up to holding some of our dogs’  leashes, but don’t be offended if we never ask you to hold it.  If you volunteer,  we’ll probably say no. It’s not that we  don’t trust you,  but given that your reaction to our dogs  sitting on command was on par with witnessing a statue of the Madonna weeping blood…we don’t trust you.
  9. Our voices change when we talk to our dogs, and it isn’t cute.  Deal with it.
  10. Get used to us being more excited to see our dogs  than you when we come home.  
  11. If you aren’t ready to hear the answer, don’t ask who we love more–you or the dog.  

So, dating with dogs?  Any tips?  Success stories? Horror stories (please, share your misery! Do it! ).  Share below! 

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21 Responses to “Dating with Dogs: A Primer”

  1. Joan H. July 21, 2016 at 1:12 am #

    I knew I’d married the wrong person when he said “I guess Sneakers (my corgi who long pre-dated him) will be our last indoor dog, right?” Sneakers outlived our marriage, needless to say.

    • TaggarungAk July 21, 2016 at 2:08 am #

      I’m no PETA supporter, but I feel horrible for outdoor only dogs.

      • Joan H. July 21, 2016 at 10:48 am #

        At the time, I said to him “first, I don’t understand the concept of “indoor vs. outdoor dogs and second, what planet are you living on?” I now breed and show standard poodles, they are my companions and live in my home (as my dogs always have) and I’m much happier!

    • TaggarungAk July 21, 2016 at 10:57 am #

      Poodles before dude-les I say 🙂 the poodles are smarter too!
      I’ve dumped guys who tell me they don’t want my dog (a corgi) shedding on them. Lol

  2. cbarkerb724 July 21, 2016 at 1:24 am #

    My SO used to be a cat person, now she’s reading all of my back issues of Whole Dog Journal and pitching in 50/50 for obedience classes which she regularly attends. She’s great. I still love the dog more.

  3. BlurryFace July 21, 2016 at 1:31 am #

    She always makes sex weird. The first time she realized what we were doing she looked APPALLED. It killed the mood but was actually really funny. If she’s out of her crate she’ll try to jump on top of us or snuggle with us. If she’s in her crate or locked out of the room she gives us the most accusatory glare afterwards.

  4. JH July 21, 2016 at 1:54 am #

    The first time he (cat person) came to my apartment he said “Oh, you have a dog.” I said “Yeah, you got a problem with it?” He said “No” cause he wanted to stay overnight. Have been married to him 28 years now. He was very trainable. And now he loves the kids (dogs).

  5. bgszap2 July 21, 2016 at 2:03 am #

    Although we’d been married quite awhile already, I really knew my husband was a keeper the day I rushed in the house with an over-heated Belgian Sheepdog. We threw him in the shower and began the cooling process and then pulled him out to let him dry without letting his temp go too low, but the problem was, where to put him for this. My husband carried the dog into the living room where the fan was. He said “We can get a new carpet.” and turned on the fan. Yessir! That man just passed the test.

  6. hookershorde July 21, 2016 at 2:08 am #

    ME: Do you have pets?
    DATE: I have 15 plants and over 2,400 VHS and DVD movies. Pets would ruin it.
    ME: I have 5 dogs.
    THE END

  7. Mountain Poodle July 21, 2016 at 2:22 am #

    Can we talk breed bias and dating?

    I recently showed my daughter a picture of a very attractive young man in a magazine and she wrinkled her nose and said, “I bet he has hounds.” I tried to assure her that he most likely had upland dogs, but there was no convincing her.

    • Garnet July 21, 2016 at 2:52 am #

      That’s hysterical! Breed bias was one of my first thoughts when I saw the title of this post. I remember chatting with a friend about a really attractive guy I met at a farmer’s market, with my dogs (I have German shorthaired pointers and she has Wirehaired pointing Griffons). She asked what kind of dog(s) he owned and I replied, “…Labrador.” We both went “ewwwwww!”

      I would absolutely date someone with hounds, though! 😉

      • autiger23 July 25, 2016 at 9:24 pm #

        Hahaha! Word. When a guy says he has a Lab, I think ‘strike one!’

    • Rebecca July 21, 2016 at 5:32 am #

      When I was on Tinder, I said no to guys with Doodles or poodle mixes. Labs would be added to that list now too. Lol

      • Mountain Poodle July 24, 2016 at 3:07 am #

        No guy with a Doodle could possibly be sensible.

    • TaggarungAk July 21, 2016 at 11:04 am #

      Me: What kind of dog do you have?
      Him: beagle (or doodle, or lab, English bulldog or any flat nosed breed)
      Me:this isn’t going to work out.
      Him: well your corgi isn’t that great
      Me: *slips chocolate laxitives into chocolate chip cookies, and mails them to him)

      • lz July 22, 2016 at 3:54 am #

        Corgis are the GREATEST! Ugh.

  8. NoSpam July 21, 2016 at 3:31 am #

    “If you are insecure being a third wheel…” Or 4th… or 7th…

  9. rontuaru July 21, 2016 at 8:26 pm #

    Knew I had a winner when his nine month-old Dobie chewed the lining out of his much beloved leather bomber jacket and he turned to me and said, “Well, that was totally MY fault ….” 🙂

    • Mountain Poodle July 24, 2016 at 3:06 am #

      Ooooh. That is a keeper. And…. breeding quality to boot!

  10. jajameson2010 July 22, 2016 at 1:29 am #

    Back when I first started dating the current BF, my shy little girl wouldn’t go near him for 6 months.

    One day he got to my apartment a few minutes before I got home. He decided to take the dogs out for their potty walk. No idea how he got a collar and leash on her! They met me when returning at the door as I was arriving home.

    Very smart man expected me to be really mad. I took a few deep breaths and explained how to slip knot the leashes, how to make sure the shy one didn’t slip her collar if she spooked. How to keep her away from strangers within get comfort zone, etc.

    Later potty walks he had the neighbors interrogate him! LOL Neighbors knew no one touches my dogs.

    Relationships are hard…

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