Archive | July, 2016

Dating with Dogs: A Primer

21 Jul

Dating is hard.   Dating with dogs…is interesting.   In addition to the normal questions that run through every single person’s mind (What should I wear? Am I showing enough boob?  Too much boob? How’s my breath?), a dog person will probably also have some, if not all, of the following thoughts:

  1. Will my dog like my date?
  2. Will my date like my dog?
  3. Will my date like my dog more than me?
  4. If my date has a dog, would our dogs get along?
  5. How does my date feel about dog hair?  
  6. I sure hope I don’t have any dog hair in awkward places.
  7. What will I do with my dog if my date comes back to my place?
  8. More importantly, what will my dog do if I bring a date back home?
  9. Will my date be turned off by the copious amounts of photos of my dog I have?
  10. Should I have hidden said dog photos?
  11. How slowly should I reveal my layers of dog crazy?
  12. Can they handle the crazy?
  13. When is the appropriate time to tell someone you are dating that you write a blog best known for ‘dog toy or sex toy’ comparisons?  (Ok fine, maybe that’s just us).

 

 

 

 

There also some things you should probably know before dating someone with dogs:

  1. Love us, love our dog.  It’s really kind of simple.   
  2. We like our dogs more than you.  That’s unlikely to change.  
  3. If you are insecure being a third wheel, please move on.  The dog was here first, and you are the interloper.  While we can find a way to squeeze you in on the couch with us, the dog isn’t going anywhere.
  4. While ideally we would find a significant other as dog crazy as we are, we are fine settling for someone who supports (or at least doesn’t get in the way of) our own craziness.
  5. Don’t take us cutting our dates short as a personal affront.  Sometimes we really do need to go walk the dog, and no, that’s not a euphemism.
  6. Our hobbies consist of dogs,  dog people sometimes,  and lots of driving to dog events. If you want to come and “be supportive” you will be bucket bitch. That title is exactly as glamorous as it sounds. We also probably will ignore you until we  need a brush, a snack (for the dog, and I’ll know if you steal one)  need you to get me a leash,  or (surprise) need you to fill a bucket. It’s not personal, I just need those things and you’ve volunteered.
  7. Don’t question our dog-related spending habits.  Ever.
  8. You can maybe work up to holding some of our dogs’  leashes, but don’t be offended if we never ask you to hold it.  If you volunteer,  we’ll probably say no. It’s not that we  don’t trust you,  but given that your reaction to our dogs  sitting on command was on par with witnessing a statue of the Madonna weeping blood…we don’t trust you.
  9. Our voices change when we talk to our dogs, and it isn’t cute.  Deal with it.
  10. Get used to us being more excited to see our dogs  than you when we come home.  
  11. If you aren’t ready to hear the answer, don’t ask who we love more–you or the dog.  

So, dating with dogs?  Any tips?  Success stories? Horror stories (please, share your misery! Do it! ).  Share below! 

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