Archive | October, 2015

Just Don’t Call Me Late For Dinner; or Your dog can’t actually speak English, ya dumbass.

20 Oct

Show of hands if you’ve ever called your dog an asshole.  Or a fucker.  Or any other particularly colorful name that you’ve seen us use here on this blog.

*waves hands in the air like we just don’t care*

For those of you that didn’t raise your hands, either you are lying or you have perfect dogs.  In which case you’re still lying.

For those of you that raised your hands, welcome to the club.  We feel you.  We get you.  You’re our people.  And by our people, we mean our foul-mouthed minions.

If you are someone who thinks that calling your dog an asshole makes you an ever bigger asshole, may we suggest getting your panties out of a wad?

Here’s the thing.  We can love our dogs and still refer to them as shitweasels.   We can even joke about rehoming our dogs and still love them. Potnoodle tries to give her dogs away constantly (turns out no one else wants the assholes either.)  While this may seem like common sense to those of you who are rational and/or have a sense of humor, you’d be surprised how many uptight people get upset on various dog forums or personal Facebook pages when they see dogs referred to as anything other than a precious furbaby.  BusyBee recently received a nasty Facebook message from a “friend” who was upset that she referred to her dog as “the worst”.   Seriously.    No lady, you’re the actual worst.

Before one of you (who probably shouldn’t be on our page in the first place) says, “But Dog Snobs,  isn’t it a slippery slope from calling your dog an assmarmot to abusing them?” all we can do is roll our eyes and tell you to relax.  We assure that our dogs are pretty much the opposite of abused, even if they do occasionally get called things that would make our grandmothers blush.

Here’s the thing. Dogs give zero fucks about what they’re called. Tone of voice? yes. That they care about. Jokingly referring to your dog as a dumbass on the internet? Nope. They’re not going to pick that up. We see you over there, wringing your hands, clutching your pearls, and blathering on about building a relationship. We hear you, we just don’t think calling our dogs a Ratbag has any bearing on the relationship.

Dog ownership isn’t all sunshine and roses. The smiliest, happiest dog owner can continue to bottle it in, smile and call Pookie their furbaby all day long but one day, at three in the morning, Pookie is going to paint her crate with the foulest diarrhea that has ever existed and Ms.Happyfuntimes is going to have to explode. It happens. You realize it isn’t the dog’s fault but you still call them Shittageddon as you magic erase all your hopes and dreams off the wall.


But when it does….