Anatomy of a Dog Forum Shit-Show

27 Jun

We’ve all been there, right?  When a seemingly benign thread on an online dog forum goes from zero to crazypants in 6 seconds flat.   Although it may sometimes seem like the mayhem comes out of nowhere, if you look carefully enough, there are a few universal steps that happen (often in rapid fire sequence) before a thread explodes.

 

1. Someone asks a seemingly benign enough question on a dog forum (These questions may in fact be the work of an advanced troll who prides themselves on stirring up shit or they may actually be some poor sad sack who has no idea what they’ve just started). Think “What type of food should I feed my dog?” or “What is the best kind of training?”. Pro forum users can usually spot these topic from a mile away and quickly run to get popcorn and something boozy while they wait for the fireworks to begin.

 

2. Those who feel the most strongly about that specific topic join in right away and provide black-and-white answers espousing the “truth” as they see it.

 

3.Immediately, another forum user comes on and posts exactly the opposite of what the previous poster just said.

 

4.The first poster disagrees with their new forum adversary (i.e. someone who disagrees) and proceeds to preach the “truth”.  One or more poster is eventually blocked by the other.

 

5. Random lurker pop up out of nowhere and stirs up the pot even more.

 

6. Someone brings up Cesar Millan for good measure.

 

7. Name-calling begins, usually consisting of lame things like “asshole” or “troll” or the occasional “poopyhead”.  May we suggest that if you are going to stoop to this level, you might as well make the names good?  For your convenience, here is a list of Dog Snob sanctioned insults:  shitweasel, assmarmot, douchecanoe, douchenozzle,  twatwaffle, or if you’re feeling old-fashioned, a fucker.

 

8. Back and forth…and back and forth.  This is a good time to go refill on that popcorn or take a potty break.

998

 

9. Someone makes a Nazi reference.

 

10.  Someone called someone else a Nazi?  Now it’s on!  People come out of the woodworks and join the fray.


11. Someone posts as screen-capture of what another poster has said in another forum or group that disputes what they are saying in the thread or brings to light some offensive action.

 

12. A moderator steps in to remind everyone of the community guidelines/rule.

13. The Mod is thoroughly ignored.

 

14. The thread is now entirely off topic.  The OP is likely no longer participating and it has boiled down to two teams of people,  bringing up past offenses with passive aggressive comments.  Other threads/vague book posts have spawned off this one.

 

15. Some non-mod do gooder chimes in with a meme or quip trying to calm everyone down.

16.  Someone posts another popcorn-worthy thread elsewhere and the masses migrate to go through steps 1-15 all over again.

 

So, who’s in the mood for a forum fight?!

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34 Responses to “Anatomy of a Dog Forum Shit-Show”

  1. xenasmom2015 June 27, 2015 at 3:22 am #

    Gave up forums a long time ago. Nothing but argument and little information. Too much stress.

    • wkmtca June 27, 2015 at 3:51 am #

      oh yeah? well i think just the opposite.. so there!!

      • Delorean Karz June 27, 2015 at 8:28 pm #

        Why wait? I’ll just call you a Nazi now! LOL

  2. wkmtca June 27, 2015 at 3:53 am #

    mention removing/not removing stays on an obedience list.. use words like..’dumbing down obedience’ or ‘too lazy to train’.. or ‘pp trainers’.. sit back, relax, and enjoy the show..

    • Freddie's Mom June 27, 2015 at 5:24 am #

      OMG this is so “dead-on”. I love those that “innocently” ask the question, like what type of food should I feed my dog?”, full well knowing the sh*t storm that’s going to start. I also love all the newbies on the show forums, asking these innocent questions (not), like they KNOW a dog has a DQ and how do they get the dog wicketed, get the Rep over there, etc. Then it turns out they were wrong. The absolute best are those that start this crap, then disappear, or want to know why everyone is picking on them…

    • NorfolkSheep June 27, 2015 at 8:03 am #

      everyone knows stays are a waste of time 😀

    • Dayna Dawn Small (AKA Dayna Barter) June 27, 2015 at 7:38 pm #

      Dumbing down obedience… didn’t they already do that with Rally?

      And…. go! 😉

      • Delorean Karz June 27, 2015 at 8:30 pm #

        I think I’ll ban you for that! Or call you a Nazi! Can’t decide……….!!! 🙂

      • Paul June 27, 2015 at 8:46 pm #

        Spot on as always! Thank you so much I needed a laugh today. You got it exactly…innocently mention Purina or shock collars and the website implodes.

      • Mountain Poodle June 29, 2016 at 9:02 pm #

        Hahahahahah

    • Mel Carlin May 3, 2016 at 3:11 am #

      Oh, you’re al just shitweasles! 😉

  3. Lesley I Merrill June 27, 2015 at 10:38 am #

    You forgot the part about the holier-than-thou “troll” that when the thread is shutdown to avoid any future zombie activity (“I’m not sure how I missed this discussion from 2012 but my thoughts blah blah blah…”) takes it upon themselves to contact the moderators privately to share their opinion and vast knowledge that they gained as a secretary to a movie mogul while self-publishing their tome on “dog care” consisting of ‘copy-paste’ articles gleaned from the internet… and they contact the moderators daily for a period of 3 weeks until someone else starts another thread capable of sending popcorn futures thru the roof

  4. Loki June 27, 2015 at 3:40 pm #

    I have Dobes. Fastest way to start a fight? “Should I crop my dog’s ears?” I do believe that many people innocently ask this one but it really polarizes (& nastifies) the community. (& a lot of the name calling becomes flaming whole countries.)

    • jan June 30, 2016 at 2:17 pm #

      the answer is yes

    • Bullygirl July 1, 2016 at 3:58 am #

      The same with the Neapolitan Mastiff crowd.

    • Suzanne Storms July 1, 2016 at 4:01 am #

      The same with the Neapolitan Mastiff crowd!

    • Gabby July 1, 2016 at 11:59 am #

      Yup, ear cropping, prong/shock collars, HSUS or dog food will do it every time.

  5. OldTimer June 27, 2015 at 6:51 pm #

    That’s wrong. Simply put: you’re wrong. And if you weren’t such an offensive… *puppy*… you’d just know that.

    🙂

  6. Elizabeth June 27, 2015 at 11:19 pm #

    Just wanted to thank you for the laughs. You guys are always a riot, and always so…RIGHT!

  7. Mel Carlin June 28, 2015 at 3:14 am #

    OH MY FUCKING GOD! Purina AND shock collars! Really? How DARE you mention Purina and shock collars! You shitweasel, assmarmot, douchecanoe, douchenozzle, twatwaffle, NAZI! 😉

  8. whippymom June 29, 2015 at 3:16 am #

    LOL! So entertaining. I always see, to get into them ate and can never figure out what people are arguing about. Then I try to go back and figure it out and it never seems worthy of the arguments.

  9. Fyreburst June 29, 2015 at 6:24 am #

    As a moderator of several dog forums… only a moderator of a dog forum could write this, lol!

  10. schnitzie July 1, 2015 at 6:09 pm #

    I object to the notion that “it” isn’t ON until someone refers to Nazis.

  11. Robin July 2, 2015 at 12:35 am #

    Unreadable because of all of the “clever” memes.

  12. Rosemary July 9, 2015 at 5:53 am #

    You forgot the passive aggressive poster.

    Example:
    “You people are so mean! Several people have written me privately saying they agree with me but are afraid to post anything because of the mean comments they’ll get.”

    The appearance of this was guaranteed to make me want to post “If they’re such wimps, they shouldn’t own an __________.” Actually, I may have lost my temper on occasion and actually posted that, with the blanks filled in, of course.

  13. Morgan Love July 26, 2015 at 1:56 pm #

    spot on!!! I love watching these blow up into massive shitstorms. I tend to stay out of it all these days. I have been involved in these forums for parrots, horses, cars, german shepherds, general dogs….exact same arguments in the precise order listed. My personal favorite subject right now is when someone asks whether they should look for a showline GSD or workingline for a nice family pet. This question immediately brings everyone to watch and wait for someone to take the bait and call them out for wanting a GSD as a PET!!! Then everyone just argues and tries to sound credible by quoting the breed founder and reminding everyone how many dogs they have titled. If you want a GSD as a nice family pet you are told you cannot handle a real GSD and should get a lab or golden intsead. Even if you want a showline shepherd, you are clearly in the wrong because the GSD is suppposed to be a working animal and then the whole thing turns to work vs show, and which showlines are acceptable if someone must insist on a show breeder. occasionally some newby or troll dares to ask about king or Shiloh shepherds since they want a nice family temperament and love the looks. Always a hit.
    My other favorites are the dog food debates and anything spouted by those who insist everyone must love rescued pitbulls. I occasionally will throw in my agreement or two cents but that where it ends for my involvement. But I will usually stick around til the flames die out lurking!

  14. Steven Litt April 22, 2016 at 6:51 pm #

    Right on, Dog Snobs. You have nailed it. These are the steps for every forum fight on any topic ever posted. Clearly, it’s not about the dogs, or the politicians, or the school board, or the office kitchen.
    Well done.

  15. Nova Monday June 29, 2016 at 1:26 pm #

    You forgot the part where someone threatens/informs folks that they are now leaving the group and either:
    A) doesn’t leave after being asked to stay by multiple group members who are mainly interested in watching continued shitstorms.
    B) pretends to leave but starts lurking or posting under another profile, and starting more drama behind the scenes.

  16. Mountain Poodle June 29, 2016 at 9:06 pm #

    Perhaps your best work to date, Dog Snobs. Well done!

  17. Linda (@Wingingit7777) June 29, 2016 at 10:14 pm #

    Bunch of twatwaffles

  18. Jen Gabbard June 30, 2016 at 1:08 am #

    I think it’s fascinating that bringing up Nazis seems to be the default for trying to derail and/or stop threads, where as in real life debaters usually just make it stop by theoretically getting their hands on a nuclear bomb. People are weird, but certainly entertaining.

  19. ixamxanonymous July 2, 2016 at 7:34 pm #

    I have no idea what you douchecanoes are even talking about.

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