We’ve all been there, right? When a seemingly benign thread on an online dog forum goes from zero to crazypants in 6 seconds flat. Although it may sometimes seem like the mayhem comes out of nowhere, if you look carefully enough, there are a few universal steps that happen (often in rapid fire sequence) before a thread explodes.
1. Someone asks a seemingly benign enough question on a dog forum (These questions may in fact be the work of an advanced troll who prides themselves on stirring up shit or they may actually be some poor sad sack who has no idea what they’ve just started). Think “What type of food should I feed my dog?” or “What is the best kind of training?”. Pro forum users can usually spot these topic from a mile away and quickly run to get popcorn and something boozy while they wait for the fireworks to begin.
2. Those who feel the most strongly about that specific topic join in right away and provide black-and-white answers espousing the “truth” as they see it.
3.Immediately, another forum user comes on and posts exactly the opposite of what the previous poster just said.
4.The first poster disagrees with their new forum adversary (i.e. someone who disagrees) and proceeds to preach the “truth”. One or more poster is eventually blocked by the other.
5. Random lurker pop up out of nowhere and stirs up the pot even more.
6. Someone brings up Cesar Millan for good measure.
7. Name-calling begins, usually consisting of lame things like “asshole” or “troll” or the occasional “poopyhead”. May we suggest that if you are going to stoop to this level, you might as well make the names good? For your convenience, here is a list of Dog Snob sanctioned insults: shitweasel, assmarmot, douchecanoe, douchenozzle, twatwaffle, or if you’re feeling old-fashioned, a fucker.
8. Back and forth…and back and forth. This is a good time to go refill on that popcorn or take a potty break.
9. Someone makes a Nazi reference.
10. Someone called someone else a Nazi? Now it’s on! People come out of the woodworks and join the fray.
11. Someone posts as screen-capture of what another poster has said in another forum or group that disputes what they are saying in the thread or brings to light some offensive action.
12. A moderator steps in to remind everyone of the community guidelines/rule.
13. The Mod is thoroughly ignored.
14. The thread is now entirely off topic. The OP is likely no longer participating and it has boiled down to two teams of people, bringing up past offenses with passive aggressive comments. Other threads/vague book posts have spawned off this one.
15. Some non-mod do gooder chimes in with a meme or quip trying to calm everyone down.
16. Someone posts another popcorn-worthy thread elsewhere and the masses migrate to go through steps 1-15 all over again.
So, who’s in the mood for a forum fight?!