You can’t Google Maps that Shit: a.k.a. That mythical farm is a myth and you’re an idiot. A Rant by Fang.

14 May

So we’ve all seen it. The person trying to home their senior or near-senior outdoor dogs because of <insert bullshit reason here>. Inevitably this dog needs to live on a farm or on a ranch to be a “Working dog” or washed out of being a working dog because they harassed the neighbor’s livestock or can’t live in the house because it’s never been inside and has no concept of what a door is let alone how to ask to go outside because they’ve never spent a night under a real roof. It’s depressing, it’s sad and it pisses me off and here’s why.

Brace yourself for your Thursday dose of sunshine kids….

There is no farm or ranch or outdoor preserve that will take your neglected, poorly trained, stock-chasing, cat-killing, senior who isn’t house-trained, leash trained and whose concept of manners ends somewhere around not actually shitting in their own dish, dog.
Rest assured dear-readers, I am by no means equating these poor pathetic creatures and their careless owners to the real working dogs who sleep in barns, fields or kennels and spend their days making life easier for their hard-working owners. These dogs are treasured members of their teams. The ignorant presumption that any wild dog will be “happier” or “better behaved” on a ranch is as asinine a statement that exists.

The only field available to them is Elysian and it will be courtesy of a rancher when that dog, who you dumped into some god-awful Craigslist slum scenario will escape and go frolicking with those cows and sheep you had so hoped they could live with in their new home. Problem being of course, the rancher doesn’t see it as playful frolic but as harassment, and a danger to their livelihood and it will end quickly and with a literal bang.

I’m truly sorry your priorities have changed and your life is made more difficult by the lack of forethought or effort you put into acquiring your dog in the first place. I’m also sorry you will truly have to struggle if you want to make your dog even remotely re-homeable. But most of all I’m sorry for your poor dogs who’ve not been given the chance to be that adored pet or that treasured working dog, but who’ve been left to fester in ignorance and training neglect. I’m also sorry for the puppy you see no issue in bringing into this den of idiocy because you want it  now and everyone else is a bunch of meanie pants or are totes jelly of your life choices.

With starving sharks…

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13 Responses to “You can’t Google Maps that Shit: a.k.a. That mythical farm is a myth and you’re an idiot. A Rant by Fang.”

  1. Carol May 15, 2015 at 12:32 am #

    Could not have said better.

  2. Julia Priest May 15, 2015 at 12:56 am #

    Snort.Guffaw. One of your best yet, but so sadly accurate.

  3. Karen Cameron-Howell May 15, 2015 at 1:05 am #

    excellent. well said (and it needed saying)

  4. Cindy May 15, 2015 at 1:24 am #

    This would be a lot funnier if it wasn’t the truth.

  5. ProudK911 May 15, 2015 at 5:26 am #

    Hey when you get a particular creep at your counter- you can say there’s a suggested donation for owner turn-ins; it pays to feed them until their time runs out. I used to make it comparable to “Or you can go euthanize them now at your vet and even be there to send them off” for those who are clearly drop-offs for those spineless ones who have the above listed dog who think some ranch picks up old nut cases by the semi load…
    But- I hate to play devil’s advocate here, I suppose it is better the owners take the dog to a shelter knowing the dog will more than likely not walk out I think; I feel it is better for the dog to be humanely euthanized at all rather than left to suffer an extended time until they die on their own. Those calls as a veterinary technican are the worst as we do house-calls for euthanasias too: “my dog is out in the field laying there you need to come out them down now” – and it’s the dog above in the post that bites and is full of almost every disease you guess- and find has been laying there for 2 days already! Dead before we got there even that one… To go to the shelter o be euthanized was better then the 11-12yo GSD picked up toodling down the side of the road throwed out too old to want and can’t chase anyone down in the yard anymore that I took home myself for her retirement home. Her time ran out, twice- that’s 60 days where I worked! If it weren’t for me, she’d never have walked out…
    Over 20 years ago, I worked for a large private shelter in Chicago where we accepted owner turn-in animals specifically to be euthanized for a small fee instead of being housed and adopted out. Why is it that people today don’t seem to be able to say the same as 20 years ago: I want this old/biting/what have you animal euthanized please? I remember when all shelters offered this service- invaluable to the low income, or just the good samaratin who drops in a hit by car whose already dying and out them out their misery.
    Where in the heck do people get the idea that their ill mannered ill trained ill physically dog is suddenly going to be the picture of health and function and watch the cows come home every day on the ranch? Maybe on the heavenly ranch….

  6. sarahjaneb May 15, 2015 at 2:04 pm #

    I saw something like this recently on my neighborhood list. Woman was moving, and trying to rehome her 15-year-old border collie who needed to be an outdoor dog because of both urinary and fecal incontinence. Oh, and also some back pain and some muscle atrophy in his rear end, but she couldn’t afford to have him properly diagnosed. She had been keeping this poor old dog with a severe spinal problem (probably cauda equina syndrome) outside, and then wanted to dump him on someone else when she moved – she even referred to him as an “older problem dog” in her post. How about trying some adulting and proper pet care, as in taking him to the vet and either getting him treated (unlikely to be successful, considering his age and how long she had apparently been ignoring his condition) or holding him while you say goodbye and put him out of his misery?

    • pommom101690 May 20, 2015 at 8:55 pm #

      I got my 17 year old spitz the same way. she was 16 when her previous owner dumped her at the shelter for incontinence. You know where she lives? Inside my house.

  7. LydiaG May 15, 2015 at 3:48 pm #

    I work at a shelter and I have seen some of the most heartbreaking surrenders. Do you really think that we are going to be able to treat and adopt out your 14yr old blind diabetic dog with a massive heart murmur? Grow some balls and euthanize him yourself- at least he’d have someone there that he knows and loves!
    Or the latest one: lady surrenders two 13 year old dogs (a lab and a golden) because she doesn’t have time for old dogs. These two have nothing wrong other than a bit of dental disease and arthritis. People suck.

  8. dalsruleSheryl May 15, 2015 at 10:28 pm #

    Then there are the owners who move out from the city with their dogs and because we’re in a semi-rural area they just let them (a) run loose to chase cars (b) growl and threaten people walking by and (c) go pick fights with other dogs (said dogs actually being on their OWN property). Makes me crazy!

  9. Carly May 15, 2015 at 10:52 pm #

    I like to believe that the world has a funny way of treating those who do such things to animals in kind. Abandon your dog on the hiway…you’re family will leave you when you get old and you will die alone in a care home. Never treat illness or pain…you will suffer a horrible cancer and be so racked with pain you will wish for death…but because (insert whomever here) is funny like that…you will not die quickly. As for those to stupid to train or care for their dogs…well I just wish you could black list them somehow when they surrender…but we all know that you can get a dog from anywhere.

    So I’ll second the statement…most people suck

    • ProudK911 May 16, 2015 at 6:07 am #

      OMG yes I still haven’t gotten over that my bos’s dog got beat up on his own front porch! And it’s 10 stairs up to it where he was sitting and the dog from 1/4 mile away came up and tore my boss’s dog up right at his own front door to the tune of stitches – a few years later that wandering bastard finally got bow shot through & through both lungs for wandering during hunting season and threatening people. Lucky him made it home bleeding and foaming and my boss, being a veterinarian, patched that rotten creep dog up! At least after spending surgery money on the dog, they’ve kept him closer to home for the past 6 months… Could that be small proof that even stupid can learn???

      • pommom101690 May 20, 2015 at 8:57 pm #

        I would have rather the owner been hit by the arrow. It’s not the dog’s fault his owner’s suck, and won’t keep him contained or have him euthanized.

  10. Bill from SC June 25, 2015 at 5:32 am #

    It is a shame that we are all preaching to the choir. Too bad the scum that have no concept or clue about commitment and caring for our wonderful friends, will never see these posts. Or probably would not care if they did.

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