We certainly aren’t the first ones to come up with a Westminster drinking game, but we would like to think that ours is the most fun. So fill up your liquor cabinet and drink up bitches, it’s gonna be a wild couple days.
In case you live under a rock, the rules of the game are as follows: Every time one of the following happens, follow the appropriate directive. Or else.
Hear someone mention the word “alpha”. Take one shot and bang your head on the table.
Each time someone mentions the poodle “haircut”. Eat a cupcake. It’ll soak up the alcohol. You’ll thank us later.
An announcer asks an asinine question (i.e. “Do Pointers really point?”). Take one sip.
The Friend-Zone: “This dog has a great personality!” Take one shot, and eat another cupcake because it’s never going to happen, Allen.
The Dick: “Independent personality” a.k.a. The Terrier group. Really this is just an excuse to get trashed on a week night, so take half a sip and chase it with some water.
Anyone in your general vicinity watching with you uses the adjective “frumpy”. Yell “This is how we do” and take a shot. Props to the frumpies.
One of the group dogs ignores or gives a “Fuck off” face to the host attempting to interview the four legged half of a show team. Take a drink and toast that dog.
The Patriot: Comment about ‘Murica’s dog. Take a sip of something foreign and spit it out in disgust. We drink watered down beer and grain alcohol. Go back to France, commie.
The Weimaraner enters the ring. Pick your favorite ‘Best in Show’ quote and yell it loudly. Whoever is most convincingly as a neurotic showy gets a lactose-free Starbucks drink upon their next venture into the real world.
A female handler is wearing gratuitous sequins. Take two shots and put on a pair of sunglasses.
Someone mentions how ‘ancient’ a breed is. Chug whatever you are drinking. DO IT NOW.
Handler rolls their eyes. One shot and a cupcake. God knows they have to put up with enough crap this week.
Someone mentions that a celebrity owns a particular breed. Punch your neighbor in the throat and call them Martha Stewart. Then go watch Orange is the New Black. Do it.
A host (Not you David, you rock.) grossly mispronounces a breed name (might as well prepare yourself before the Xoloitzcuintli) . Take half a shot and hang your head in shame.
Can’t decide whether a dog is ugly, cute, or a foot-stool. Make a toast.
A dog (most likely the Lab) is obese. Eat two more cupcakes.
Someone comments on how skinny the Greyhound is. Finish the cupcakes.
You know the dog. Take a sip.
You know the dog and it’s a dick. Take a shot.
You hear the phrase, “Don’t be fooled by this dog’s appearance”. Roll your eyes and rehydrate with some water.
An announcer says “This breed makes a great family dog”. Yawn and go get a refill.
A male handler doesn’t set your gaydar pinging. Drink two shots, throw your hands in the air, and shout “hallelujah”
A female handler is actually wearing attractive shoes. Finish off the entire bottle of vino.
A dog’s call name is your first name. Take a shot.
Finish the entirety of “God Loves a Terrier” during a Purina commercial. Everyone else with you takes a shot.
A dog has better hair than you. Sob silently into your merlot.
A judge’s first name is Doris or Jean. Call your grandma immediately.
You correctly guess the “Best in Show Winner”. Immediately do the ‘told ya so dance’ and rip off your shirt in a fit of glory.