Throat Punch…Monday? A mini-rant by BusyBee

24 Nov

Something happens when you are in your 30s and single (other than begrudgingly joining online dating sites to appease your mother).  People start to say really stupid shit to you about your personal life.   While much of it is not dog-related (think, “What is someone like you still doing being single? or “You better hurry up!”), there are at least two frequent dog-related comments that I’ve had said to me that fuel my hate-fire.  To save you from looking like an assmarmot in the future, please don’t ever utter one of the following:

 

Say it. I dare you.

 

 

1. “Do you think you’re single because you are so obsessed with your dog?”

If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard something along these lines I could hire someone to throat punch all the idiots who say this shit.  Seriously, who says this and thinks it’s a good or helpful thing?  I’d rather be single and happy with my dog than stuck with someone who thinks that my love for my dog is abnormal.   If a would-be suitor thinks that posting multiple photos of my dog sleeping on my Facebook wall or having his photo as my iPhone background is a turn-off, then so be it.   Any guy I date will either have to hop on the crazy train with me or at least understand and appreciate my devotion to my dog.   Bonus points if he’s willing to join me in the silly songs I sometimes sing to Mr. T.

 

2. “You must not have kids”

Let’s be clear here.  Just because I don’t currently have a child does not make me less of a woman or less of a human.  Whether or not I choose to have children in the future is frankly none of your business and in no way related to my love for dogs.  Many of my friends have human kids AND dogs and both are much loved members of the family.  Do yourself a favor and don’t assume that dog-loving women who have not yet popped a baby out of their loins simply love our dogs so much because we don’t have a human baby to dote on.   I am not trying to fill some childless hole in my heart by showering my dog with love and affection.  Frankly, if anything, should I choose to have a child down the line, I’ll be a damn good mother  based on what I learned from my dog.

And that’s perfectly ok

 

Any other inane comments you’ve gotten that you like to share?  Want to call me a crazy dog lady?  Go right ahead!

 

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39 Responses to “Throat Punch…Monday? A mini-rant by BusyBee”

  1. Juli Goodrich November 24, 2014 at 6:56 pm #

    Thank you BusyBee!!!!

    I’m not single (married 10 years!), but my husband and I don’t have children.

    I get lots of lovely “helpful” comments, like “So are you going to get rid of some of the dogs so you can have kids?” Nope, the dogs aren’t among my reasons for not popping out a baby, thanks for caring!

    “Will you change breeds when you have kids?” Nope. Thanks for assuming my dogs are ravening kid-biters just lacking opportunity, though, that makes me SOOO happy. If we decide to have kids, we’ll do some basic desensitization, brush up on manners & obedience skills, and buy a grip more baby gates.

    “Are the dogs the reason you don’t have kids?” Nope, kids are the reason I don’t have kids. Clearly we are not close enough for me to discuss reproductive choices, and after that comment, we’re not close enough for me to talk about anything. Kthxbye!

    • Theresa B. November 24, 2014 at 9:16 pm #

      . .. .Nope, kids are the reason I don’t have kids. Clearly we are not close enough for me to discuss reproductive choices, and after that comment, we’re not close enough for me to talk about anything. Kthxbye! . …

      Love this!!!

    • Madalena Hutcheson November 24, 2014 at 11:38 pm #

      I have been married for twenty years, am in my 40’s and do not have and do not desire to have kids. I totally agree with you Juli!

    • Heather July 1, 2015 at 6:07 pm #

      Amen to that! I was single into my 30s and always wanted a dog and kids…..together. Obviously I was blessed with a dog first. To be honest, pets are a great way to rule out the lousy men. Not a pet lover, sorry, we are not a match! If you don’t value helpless anims how are you going to respect and value me or our children? My future husband had no pets and my dog became his first dog. He is a great doggy daddy and appreciated my doggy commitment and valued that i take good care of my animal. He will be the first to pay for medical treatment without question.
      I got alot of the comment (not from him), “once kids come around its amazing how the dog becomes just a dog” followed by quotes from other people ,especially celebrities , who had this experience. Three kids later my dog is still a companion animal not “pet” or “just a dog” the only difference is he is the companion and friend to five instead of just me. They were soooo wrong!

  2. formerpessimist November 24, 2014 at 7:07 pm #

    “If you’d stop having dog hair on your clothes, stop running through the woods with the dogs and go out more often to clubs etc you wouldn’t be alone. ”
    I am married now, but what did I have to listen to stupid comments about that.
    Yes, I admit it, I did cancel dates once in a while because I’d rather hang out with the dogs, but hey, we are all human!

    • TheDogSnobs November 24, 2014 at 7:25 pm #

      Yep, I’ve heard all of that. Multiple times. So frustrating, right?

  3. No Spam November 24, 2014 at 7:13 pm #

    Happy Thanksgiving!
    http://www.someecards.com/thanksgiving-cards/best-luck-explain-thanksgiving-charles-manson-funny-ecard
    (he got married last week)

  4. SusanG November 24, 2014 at 7:20 pm #

    I was laughing to hard to continue after reading assmarmot!

  5. Suzanne Geer November 24, 2014 at 7:33 pm #

    I love you more and more! What with the dogs, the cats, and the horses, I guess I just forgot to have kids. Whew!

  6. Feral November 24, 2014 at 7:42 pm #

    It’s common knowledge that kids are merely dog substitutes… and my dogs are better behaved than a lot of peoples’ kids anyway!

  7. SomewhatBeastly November 24, 2014 at 8:02 pm #

    Playing with my dog at the park for a couple hours a day, going to training classes two evenings out of the week, and going on long weekend hikes are not the reason I don’t go to bars at night; Netflix is the reason I don’t go to bars at night.

  8. The Writer's Blog November 24, 2014 at 8:25 pm #

    As someone approaching their 30’s, this post hit it home. Especially appeasing the mother. I’ve got comments from her like, “I notice dog people don’t have kids… What comes first; the choice to not have kids or their dogs?” And “I just don’t want anyone to talk… You’re sister is planning to marry and all the normal things.”

    I feel adamantly about this issue as you do. Don’t call me different and don’t feel bad for me, because I want a partner, and part of that teamwork for me is going to include my strange love for my dogs.

    Thanks for this post.

  9. Sara November 24, 2014 at 8:59 pm #

    My mother recently told me I’d never find a man because I have too many animals. (5 dogs, 2 cats, 1 African grey parrot, bearded dragon, ball python, 3 goats, 4 horses) it’s ok. I’d rather hang out with the animals anyway. They get me!

    • ashforddrvr November 24, 2014 at 11:27 pm #

      Sara you must be doing really well in life to have that many animals. You rock.

    • Laura November 25, 2014 at 2:28 pm #

      My father told me the same thing. Then my future husband bought a puppy from me. Thirty-one years and two kids later, the rest is history.

  10. ALW November 24, 2014 at 9:14 pm #

    “Maybe if you had a “regular” job you’d have kids/marriage/whatever”… Um… I’m running an empire here… A giant doggy empire. I’m good.

  11. J.Scott November 24, 2014 at 9:23 pm #

    I hear kids are really hard to crate train.

  12. Me, that's who. November 24, 2014 at 9:24 pm #

    “Why don’t you have kids????”
    Uh, maybe because I don’t WANT them? Derr. If more people thought that through there’d probably be less child abuse/neglect…not everyone dreams of life in suburbia with 2.3 kids and a white picket fence.

  13. Steve November 24, 2014 at 9:27 pm #

    Well, said! I love your sense of humor. I especially love your made-up cursewords.

    • Jennifer November 24, 2014 at 11:20 pm #

      Hey. Hey. Hey.

      Assmarmots? Real thing. True story, bro.

  14. Merciel November 24, 2014 at 9:49 pm #

    I’m getting to the point where I’m starting to reconsider the kids thing and boy oh boy it is even MORE fun when aaaaaalll those people start gloating about how they were right all along and you sure did reconsider your life choices (no I didn’t) and isn’t it funny how women always reconsider in their 30s (no, it isn’t, and no, we don’t) and on and on and on until you have no choice but to remember why you never really liked people enough to want to do this in the first place.

    So my experience has been that whatever choices you make in your life, the comments don’t really get any better. Assmarmots stay assmarmots forever. Their chirps never change.

  15. Diana November 24, 2014 at 9:55 pm #

    As someone nearing the end of their reproductive window, I have been delighting in the sweet nectar of vengeance by discussing my sperm importation plans within hearing of the folks who once peppered me with questions like these. Shock, followed by smug satisfaction (they always said I’d want children after all and now I “have waited too long to be able to do it the normal way.” This is a quote.). Then slowly, ever so slowly, the dawning horror as they realize that the breeding I am planning is for a dog. Sure, it takes longer than calling them an assmarmot, but it’s not like I can’t do both.

  16. shelties! shelties! November 24, 2014 at 10:12 pm #

    >2. “You must not have kids”

    hahahaHA I’m pretty sure my mother only had me so she’d have free kennel help and and an extra hand at dog shows. I love my mom, and I love her dogs, but it was pretty clear from Day 1 that while she loves me but she L-O-V-E-S her dogs.

    And why not? The dogs don’t talk back, they don’t grow up and move away, and she can make them have babies when she sees fit. I can’t say I blame her.
    .
    btw my husband and I are happily child-free and share a super little dog who is approximately 1000% cooler than a kid.

  17. Cathy November 24, 2014 at 11:29 pm #

    Just wait until you hit 50 and have no husband, no kids, but have dogs. Though by this time all of the ones now divorced are saying instead of “oh, gee, I feel sorry for you” are now saying “you’re the only one that had any sense. ” 🙂

    • sarahjaneb November 26, 2014 at 6:55 am #

      Yep, I’m 45 and getting to that point. Even women who aren’t divorced often seem a little envious.

  18. anythingspossibletraining November 24, 2014 at 11:40 pm #

    I think being an awesome dog owner made me an awesome human mom. And my husband loves me, dog hair and all. Actually I think I hate the dog hair more than he does.

  19. anythingspossibletraining November 24, 2014 at 11:41 pm #

    I think being an awesome dog owner has made me an awesome human mom. And my husband loves me dog hair and all. I think I hate dog hair more than he does.

  20. Teresa M November 25, 2014 at 12:31 am #

    As long as it is illegal to crate children when I have to run an errand, I guess I’ll stick with dogs. And most children should be kenneled until they are 18 or so.

    • Sarah November 26, 2014 at 1:51 am #

      I’ve said more than once, “I’ll contemplate having kids when I can raise one like you would a puppy. You know, lock it in a ‘box’ (my word for crate) while not at home.”

      Of course now I’m ‘spayed’ so it’s less of an issue.

  21. Kelly November 25, 2014 at 2:27 am #

    We’re adopting two human kids this year and honestly, most of the time I STILL like my dogs better. Does this make me a terrible person? Probably. But seriously, I’m not doing this to complete myself. People ask all the time how I feel about my dogs now that I have “real” children and I just say I love them even more.

  22. seguetonowhere November 25, 2014 at 6:05 am #

    This goes for more than just you women: as a single guy in my early 30’s, there have been more than one girl who didn’t work out because she wasn’t a fan of my dogs. I do intend to have kids one day, I’ve got to figure that raising good, sane dogs has got to help with raising good, sane kids.

  23. Betty M November 25, 2014 at 11:48 am #

    I could add to your rant, that if you do get married and choose not to have children, too many people will say something like, you have dogs to make up for not having children.

    News flash, I like dogs and don’t care for children. My dogs are not substitute children, if I wanted children, I would have them.

  24. Sara November 25, 2014 at 12:22 pm #

    ‘Man’ (word used recklessly in this case) my family was hoping I would marry so that he could ‘take care of me.’

    “You’re not nooooooooormal (picture a really screwy,sanctimonious face) the way you care for your dog.”

    “Oh thank you!!”

    “I’m not a bad dog owner. Dogs were meant to take care of themselves.” [That statement has a WHOLE lot behind it–not allowing the dog in the cool indoors while at work, has to sit in hot dirt all day/no grass, just weeds, not allowing me to buy and put up a shade for the dog (“He can crawl under a bush.”), not cleaning the yucky old plastic cooler that he cleaned with Clorox and was still emitting strong gases he put outside for the dog as a water dish, tossing aside the nice water dish I bought for the dog, feeding the dog Beneful that expired 2 years prior, not allowing me to wash the dog after rolling on trails and having burrs in his coat, not providing any enrichment…survival is good enough.]

    “No,you aren’t a bad dog owner; you’re one of the worst. You can read about yourself in my next blog post.” Unfriend and block phone number.

    It’s a little more challenging to find a compatible potential husband…at a bare minimum, they must pass my dog walking test. The last one who told me I was being ridiculous by not letting him walk my dog alone, convinced me to let him give it a go. About 10 minutes after they left, my dog was standing at the door minus his harness. Mr. Know-it-All had to do a walk of shame with the leash and harness in his hands…”A pit ran across the road to attack him and I didn’t know what to do. [In a previous conversation, I had told him to unclip my dog and he’ll handle it–he is good at diffusing things–and gives him a fair chance. There tended to be a lot of loose dogs in the area.] I didn’t know what to do. He pulled so hard backwards that he pulled his harness off.” Yeah, he didn’t want to stand there and be held tight on a leash while a dog bites the daylights out of him.

  25. Kitten November 25, 2014 at 3:04 pm #

    I’ve married and spawned so I don’t get that.

    What I do get is a lot of behind the back “why does she have so many dogs? Is she crazy?” Or, to my face… “I would never have that many dogs.” and “Don’t you ever wish you had fewer dogs?”

    Mmmm… no. I want another one.

    And I am sad when my fosters leave.

    My kid is awesome and loves animals. She’ll make a great wife and or mother some day… if that is what she chooses. Until then, her pets will be super happy.

  26. mytwopitties November 26, 2014 at 8:42 am #

    My mom is always pushing online dating to me too. I’m sure she’s actually got some profiles for me set up & she’s fielding responses as I type.

    I hate hearing no guy is going to sleep in the bed with dogs.

    #1 I don’t give a sh*t, I’d never kick my dogs out of bed
    #2 He’s wouldn’t be the guy for me then
    #3 I personally know tons of guys who would sleep in the bed with the dogs, I just don’t want to sleep with them…

  27. pullonyourfeet November 30, 2014 at 10:38 pm #

    I’m married and I’ve had the “you must not have kids”. I think it was because my dog can walk to heel.

  28. TerrierGirl December 2, 2014 at 5:33 am #

    My last boyfriend grabbed my dog by the scruff and pinned her down ‘to show her whose boss,’ needless to say he’s now an ex. They say never trust someone your dog doesn’t like, and they’re right. My dog is welcome at my favorite bar, so I figure I’m good on the dating front. If a non-douchebag comes along she’ll let me know.

  29. Michael Lovelock January 16, 2015 at 7:36 pm #

    Hello Busy Bee. The dog with its’ paw on your shoulder. What is te breed or mix. That looks so like my dog and we don’t know his mix.

    • TheDogSnobs January 18, 2015 at 1:28 am #

      That actually is an internet meme, not a picture of BusyBee 🙂

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