Something happens when you are in your 30s and single (other than begrudgingly joining online dating sites to appease your mother). People start to say really stupid shit to you about your personal life. While much of it is not dog-related (think, “What is someone like you still doing being single? or “You better hurry up!”), there are at least two frequent dog-related comments that I’ve had said to me that fuel my hate-fire. To save you from looking like an assmarmot in the future, please don’t ever utter one of the following:
1. “Do you think you’re single because you are so obsessed with your dog?”
If I had a dime for every time I’ve heard something along these lines I could hire someone to throat punch all the idiots who say this shit. Seriously, who says this and thinks it’s a good or helpful thing? I’d rather be single and happy with my dog than stuck with someone who thinks that my love for my dog is abnormal. If a would-be suitor thinks that posting multiple photos of my dog sleeping on my Facebook wall or having his photo as my iPhone background is a turn-off, then so be it. Any guy I date will either have to hop on the crazy train with me or at least understand and appreciate my devotion to my dog. Bonus points if he’s willing to join me in the silly songs I sometimes sing to Mr. T.
2. “You must not have kids”
Let’s be clear here. Just because I don’t currently have a child does not make me less of a woman or less of a human. Whether or not I choose to have children in the future is frankly none of your business and in no way related to my love for dogs. Many of my friends have human kids AND dogs and both are much loved members of the family. Do yourself a favor and don’t assume that dog-loving women who have not yet popped a baby out of their loins simply love our dogs so much because we don’t have a human baby to dote on. I am not trying to fill some childless hole in my heart by showering my dog with love and affection. Frankly, if anything, should I choose to have a child down the line, I’ll be a damn good mother based on what I learned from my dog.
Any other inane comments you’ve gotten that you like to share? Want to call me a crazy dog lady? Go right ahead!