WTF Wednesday

5 Mar

Usually, our WTF stands for “What the fuck?” and it’s meant for some bizarre dog product we’ve run across.  This week though, we want to pose a different question for you.

Why The Fuck do these smell like satan’s asshole?

Screen Shot 2014-03-05 at 1.21.22 PM

Like the four horseman of the apocalypse, but smellier.

Seriously.  We raw feed.  We frequently give our dogs tripe.  We’re used to some pretty stanky things. Potnoodle once lost a bag of hot dogs from training under her seat. For a week. In August. The putrid hot dog smell is White Diamonds compared to the homeless on bourbon street smell of these so called  jerky “treats”.  BusyBee originally thought maybe it was just the crawfish ones that smelled like the bottom of a swamp trawler, so naively bought the alligator ones the next week.  Nope.  Gator is just as bad.  Possibly worse.  This is a stink that just don’t come out. It leaches into your skin, perhaps into your nasal cavities. Forever. The rest of your life, you will be referred to as “that weird person that smells like the docks”. Do you want that to happen? We didn’t think so. Consider yourself warned.  And if you are one of those people that is contrary and have decided that you must now buy this product? We suggest wearing gloves.  And giving to your dog outside.  Upwind.

Dear Thinkdog, We have a question for you. Why do these godawful creatures smell so bad? Do you do that on purpose? Also, where do you manufacture this fuckery, because we need to cross it off our places to visit list. We’re pretty sure the entire town smells like rotten fish and broken dreams.

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29 Responses to “WTF Wednesday”

  1. CrazyFunDogs March 5, 2014 at 9:28 pm #

    Appreciate the warning!!!! 😀

    • Liz Blue March 12, 2014 at 8:02 pm #

      Awwww… I use these alot and mine have never smelled bad. Or much of anything really…

      • TheDogSnobs March 13, 2014 at 12:42 am #

        are you sure you’re talking about the jerky and not the crunchy biscuits? The biscuits are totally non-offensive, but the mushy “jerky” ones are from hell

  2. Christine Vezina March 5, 2014 at 9:28 pm #

    I’m going to hope I am too far north to encounter such horrors.

    Also, if Cadet wasn’t a shoddy enough company as it is, their salmon treats will make your entire home instantly reek of fish for hours. In a way that up to that point had only been achieved by Liver Failure Dog puking up raw salmon and pureed beets 3 hours after eating it.

    • Katherine @ Crossbones March 5, 2014 at 9:42 pm #

      YES. I routinely train with tripe treats, so I’m pretty much immune to dog treat grossness, but I can smell those Cadet salmon treats from across an agility trial! Blech!

  3. PattyC March 5, 2014 at 10:02 pm #

    I saw these the other day and declined to purchase them. Glad I followed my instincts.

  4. J Siegel March 5, 2014 at 11:00 pm #

    YES!! Someone who agrees with me! I purchased these at a show recently having forgotten my own bag of treats. Satan’s assh*le – definitely.

  5. Jeannine DeWald March 5, 2014 at 11:25 pm #

    LOLsquared! You have SUCH a way with words, ladies! I’m still waiting for a chance to use “assmarmot”…

  6. Amanda March 6, 2014 at 12:31 am #

    I got a ration of shit from the husband when we opened the bag of the alligator treats. And I heard about it everyday until the bag was empty. Never again!

  7. Marilyn Marks March 6, 2014 at 12:42 am #

    Just bought some and experienced this today! Even washing my hands didn’t totally take away the smell!

  8. romiona March 6, 2014 at 2:34 am #

    I buy these frequently and don’t notice much of an odor, at all. In fact, I have a bag sitting next to me that is partially opened and I can’t smell it at all! Certainly no worse than like Cloudstar Chewy treats or whatever. I’ve only used the straight up alligator ones (green bag). Maybe your batch sat out somewhere for too long? :p

    • tarynft March 6, 2014 at 3:19 pm #

      No, they truly do stink! I just bought a bag and it is awful!

  9. tarynft March 6, 2014 at 3:24 pm #

    Thanks for the warning but it came too late to save me! I just bought a bag of the alligator and it stinks to high heaven (satan’s asshole notwithstanding!) To me, it seems like whatever they use for the “natural smoke flavor” is where the rancid smell come in. But, hey, the dogs love it. They feel it is almost food-fight worthy!

    Taryn
    http://cardiganshirecorgis.blogspot.com/

  10. Sheryl Hohle March 6, 2014 at 4:41 pm #

    You might have gotten into a bad batch. I have tried the crawfish and the alligator. The crawfish was a bit smelly, the alligator was OK. My dogs love them. No problems with tummy troubles either.

  11. Mountain Poodle March 6, 2014 at 4:43 pm #

    Yep. I got a bag of similar alligator treats at Costco. The “smoke flavor” is overwhelming. I had them ONCE in my bait bag a month ago and the smell will not go away. Funny that some dogs go ga-ga for them. My Poodles were not impressed and they refused to eat them.

  12. cindypenguin March 6, 2014 at 6:01 pm #

    Ha! Got a good laugh out of this one. Got a bag of the alligator treats in a delivery of BarkBox the other day and they do INDEED smell like the worst kind of swampy fart. Our dog loved them but I hated how the stink would cling for hours to my hands.

  13. Laura Carver Lindberg March 7, 2014 at 12:03 am #

    I bought these at TSC a couple weeks ago before ever reading this review. I used them at an obedience match and put them in my hoodie pocket. I emptied my pockets before I left the club. The dog LOVED them. When I got home, my hubby wanted to know WTH smelled so bad? The hoodie reaked!

  14. SheJackal March 7, 2014 at 2:44 am #

    OH DEAR GOD MY HOUSEMATE BOUGHT THESE FOR HER DOG…

    I…don’t know…I thought it was the crab that made them smell like Satan’s butthole after a night of binge taco bell…but then she got the alligator and they’re JUST AS BAD….

    no soap in the world gets them off in a single washing either….and they can clear a room just putting ONE in a food toy….

  15. S March 7, 2014 at 3:27 am #

    I ordered a bag of the alligator treats and one of alligator/crab. I wish I would have seen this first! I haven’t opened the bag yet, I hope it isn’t that bad.

    • TheDogSnobs March 7, 2014 at 4:24 am #

      You’ll have to give us a report!

      • Dirk Budd March 7, 2014 at 6:00 pm #

        I use them on my dogs everyday, alligator and crawfish. The smoke flavor is sometimes strong but no problem with stomach or anything else. I have never found anything that my dogs like as much. They sit and stare at the cabinet where I keep them.

  16. Erica March 7, 2014 at 6:43 pm #

    They stink, unfortunately the dogs freaking love them. So I continue to buy them.

  17. S March 7, 2014 at 8:31 pm #

    I got my order of treats from Clean Run yesterday. I opened the alligator/shrimp ones today. They are not as bad as I thought they would be. I was using Stella & Chewy freeze dried raw patties as treats in the fall, I don’t think these smell as bad asthe S & C patties. However, with your warning in mind, I think I will save the alligator treats until the summer when I can train outside.

  18. FarmFashionista March 8, 2014 at 1:00 pm #

    I bought the crawfish variety that were the dry biscuits and came in a cardboard box at our local pet food warehouse. I was actually hoping that they would be smelly (to convince an old, sick dog to eat them). The box I got had no smell at all. Every one loved them though, even my cat who hates everything.

    • TheDogSnobs March 8, 2014 at 3:59 pm #

      The dry biscuits are in my opinion, not too bad. My dogs think they’re awesome, they’re super-cheap and the smell doesn’t bother me. The jerky conversely is like alligator road kill, hacked up partially digested by a vulture and dried into tiny hell briquettes.

  19. Annie March 8, 2014 at 9:38 pm #

    OMG- I got three packages of the alligator ones for free last month, and I opened one and almost puked! I thought maybe it was just me (a lot of treats with “smoke” flavor bother me). I brought them to give to a friend who just got a puppy and she was all like “oh, those, they smell pretty bad, but I guess i’ll take them,” These things are the worst! My hands smelled for days, despite constant washing. And like you we raw feed and even butcher whole animals to feed, so it takes a lot to gross us out.

  20. TollerPeg April 11, 2014 at 3:35 pm #

    So agree. I bought one bag of them. The dogs loved them, but you could not wash the stink off your hands. I felt like Lady MacBeth, only with less social climbing murder evidence and more stank ass swampy treats on me. Do not buy these!

  21. BenAsh April 23, 2014 at 6:44 am #

    Oh, how I have been WAITING FOR THIS POST…..

    So I get a treat subscription service for my 7 yr old rescue in the spirit of “we gonna party like every month is yo’ birthday” (he’s a Bullmastiff – they don’t typically live much past nine or ten) and since we don’t know his actual b-day. Typically the treats inside are fantastic – all made in USA, all natural and some I have tasted (and am a little jealous of “strawberry peanut butter biscuit — nom-nom-nom)…but I digress…
    These alligator treats – the bloated swamp corpse wrapped in rotten cheese that they are – came a couple months back, in said treat box, and I immediately threw up in my mouth when the package was opened. They could peel wallpaper straight off a damn wall. 50 year-old wallpaper. I hastily zipped the bag up and put the entire treat box on my kitchen table (after opening other treats and indulging, the dog, with those). I head to a movie and upon my return, 2 hrs later, find the following dog-owner horror scene: 1) my normally *pretty fucking close to perfectly* well-behaved dog shaking in the corner, 2) the ENTIRE CONTENTS OF HIS TREAT BOX (3 full bags of treats), completely shredded-demolished, including the plastic bags that they came in and the treat box itself!! 3) diarrhea SPRAYED across my floor, walked through by a panic-stricken dog and tracked all over the house….4) Blood all over – from his cut up mouth – from the savagery of tearing the shit out of everything in sight and 5) 1 pile of puke brimming with alligator chunks.
    These treats – and their pure, unadulterated evil stank – literally caused my poor dog to LOSE HIS EFFING MIND and attack his defenseless treat box – which was on top of my tall kitchen table! This dog (not bragging) can be left with an entire pepperoni pizza OPEN on a coffee table and you can leave the house, not room, and come back to find unmolested pizza. I shit you not. He’s super sensitive and hates hiney-pops and time-outs that much. But these alligator butt nuggets drove his puppy-sick-smell-loving nostrils to the brink of insanity and he decided he’d “had a good run and that and could die a happily beaten-to-death dog with these treats as his last meal”.
    Much to his, I can only assume, disbelief, I didn’t even pop his butt. I was dumbfounded and could see that he had stressed himself out so badly I needn’t say a harsh word. He was mortified with his own, very uncharacteristic, behavior. He walked, completely ashamed and without protest, straight into the shower and I proceeded to aggressively (rags involved) wash him with the strongest smelling shampoo in the joint. Sorry bud, your sensitive skin oatmeal ain’t cutting’ it with this bullshit.
    The smell filled my bathroom, my adjoining room and the hallway. Fishy ass and flowery shampoo…but Pantene super clean didn’t so much as mask the odor, much less eliminate it from his pores, skin and fur. Shit, I SMELLED like the ass-y flowers now!! THREE SHOWERS and a professional grooming 2 weeks later and he finally smelled somewhat normal again…or maybe we’ve all just grown used to it now. Like the poor souls who live next to paper mills…
    Thinkdog, please reconsider your obvious company mission to turn alligators into the smell that, I can only imagine, immediately nose-rapes you upon your arrival in Hell. Oh, and also kindly fucking fire the freaks, altogether lacking their collective sense of smell, that comprise your QC panel. Or just quit the production of Satan’s dingleberries. Your choice.

    • TheDogSnobs April 23, 2014 at 6:53 am #

      Ok…BusyBee needs to collect herself off the floor laughing. I am so sorry you went through that….but am glad it wasn’t me. Good lord. I think I’m having PTSD about the smell of the treats alone now…

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