In this edition of “Shit The Dog Snobs” we’re discussing our favorite grooming products. We have active dogs. That means they sometimes (fine, a lot of the time) get dirty. Between that and their varying hair lengths and types, we have quite a bit of experience with various grooming products. Below we share just a few of our favorites.
Several companies sell dog-wipes, but let’s be honest, they’re exactly the same as the baby ones, just with the prices jacked up. Save yourself some money to spend on other shit and just buy unscented baby wipes. These are a godsend for those times when your dog needs a little spit-shine but you aren’t in the mood to give them an actual bath. While probably not a good idea for a truly filthy dog, these are great for things like wiping off patches of dirt and other mysterious things that may find themselves clinging to your dog’s fur. BusyBee also keeps a box of unscented baby wipes in her car so she can do a quick wipedown of muddy paws before Mr. T jumps in and tromp all over her seats. As a caution, people may begin to suspect you are having a baby if you start buying these in bulk. You have our permission to throat punch anyone who reaches out to touch your non-baby carrying belly.
Despite the super questionable use of K instead of C, this is a product that is going to change your life for less then three dollars, specifically if you have a long haired dog. Yeah, it’s meant to be a box cutter (and it really sucks at that job) but it’s true calling is matt splitter. Those obnoxious matts dogs sometimes get behind their ears no matter how often you brush? Please don’t take the scissors to them. you’ll cut off your dogs ear and probably lose a finger. Instead, safely slip the little plastic tip under the mat and lift up. It’s magical.
We’re pretty sure that this is at least one Kong product that doesn’t look like a sex toy. At least we hope not. The Zoom Groom is meant for all coats, but it seems to be the most effective for short-coated dogs like Mr. T (in fact, it’s the only grooming tool BusyBee owns). Most dogs love being brushed with it and will even lean in for more brushing and massaging magic. It’s great for using in the tub to help massage the shampoo into fur and as a deshedding tool when your dog is dry. (Pro Tip: The Zoom Groom can also be used to remove those annoying needle-like furs that weave into your carpet. Just apply some pressure and move the brush in a circular manner). While this tool certainly isn’t enough for coated dogs, it should be a staple in your grooming regimen, especially if you your dog has shorter fur.
**The Less Cheap**
Chris Christensen Shampoo:
If you’ve ever been to a dog show, you’ve seen the giant booth of brushes and shampoos with the “Chris Christensen” label. White bottled, claim to do everything under the sun. Familiar? The difference between those shampoos and all the other shampoos that claim to work is… CC products actually DO work. They do what they say on the tin and they say a LOT of things on the tin. We’re pretty sure CC has a shampoo made specifically for making your hot pink dog an even more obnoxious shade of pink and if it’s anything like their other color shampoos, it’s awesome.
Are you one of those weirdos that still clips their dog’s nails? If so, you’re doing it wrong. Let us introduce you to a product that is going to change your life. (unless your dog pisses itself at the sound, then go right back to your clippers and stay in the 90s with the rest of the losers) There are approximately one million “doggie nail grinders” but those are for pansies. No, what you want is the straight up power tool. Man up, go to home depot, buy a real dremel, go home and grind your dog’s nails. Then feel free to come back and thank us.
**The Super Duper Not Cheap**
Isle of Dog aka Isle of Holy Shit I own this Island of sudsy dogs and I’m putting in a Sandals resort:
Sometimes Potnoodle cries at night because of how much she loves this shampoo. Seriously, she wants to bathe in it for the rest of her life. Unfortunately she can’t because she’d have to start auctioning off organs. Why on earth pay forty dollars for a litre of shampoo you can’t even dilute, you ask? Because it’s awesome and it smells like sunshine and cupcakes. Plus it makes Potnoodle’s white poodle sparkle, and she likes shiny things.
Les Pooch Brushes:
If you have a long-haired dog and haven’t heard of this brush, we’re about to blow your mind (and save you from carpal tunnel) It has to be the Les Pooch brand, don’t go eyeballing the cheap Pet Edge knockoffs. If you have a dog you have to line brush, you’re going to need a Les Pooch. Just don’t faint when you see the price.
*Anything you’d like to add? Any groomers want to share their secrets? We want to hear!*