Shit The Dog Snobs Love: Treats and Toys

7 Dec

Alright, real talk. What we spend on our dogs yearly is probably enough to feed like twenty starving kids in a third world country. Now is not the time of year to be ashamed of that though. What time of year is it, you ask? It’s time to spend ridiculous amounts of money on your pet for a holiday your pet probably refers to as “That time of year where I get yelled at for making pee eyes at the tree in our living room”. In honor of this mass marketed holiday, we’re going to do a series on Shit The Dog Snobs Love, starting with today’s on Treats and Toys. We also understand that sometimes you’re broke, so we’re going to divide this in three categories: Cheap, Less Cheap, and Super Duper Not Cheap.

 

***The Cheap***

Pupperoni

Okay, stay with us on this one. Yeah, you can buy them at Walmart and the ingredients are sort of sketchy,, but your dog will murder you and leave your body in a dark alley for a bite. We promise. Plus, they’re easy to break up and you can get a solid training session out of one stick.

Kong Tennis Balls

That glowing green ball seen above is the best ninety nine cents you will ever spend on your dog, if they have any sort of toy drive. We aren’t saying you won’t want to kill the dog when they find it at midnight and decide to start a squeaker solo, we’re just saying if you want your dog to love you, you  probably need to buy one.

Cheerios

 

What do cranky toddlers and most dogs have in common? If you said a freakish love of cheerios and unpredictable vomit habits… you’d be right. Potnoodle doesn’t like to think about vomit so we’re going to stick to the cheerios part of that comparison. Seriously, we know they’re grains  but live a little, your dog will appreciate it (unless your dog is a giant nerd like Mr. T and breaks out in hives at the mere mention of things he is allergic to. He’s getting a pocket protector for Christmas.) Plus they’re like…. a half a calorie per treat. That shit matters when you’re doing a lot of training.

Skineez

We love skineez. Specifically, we love tying them to the end of a flirt pole and making our dogs run around like idiots. It’s either that or Toddlers and Tiaras, and T&T isn’t on every day (hear that TLC? Consider it a formal request). The Skineez are perfect for flirt poles because they look like a squirrel, there’s no mess when your dog finally catches the lure, and they’re easy to tie off. Plus, for under seven bucks you don’t mind so much when they finally bite the dust.

 

***The Less Cheap***

Chuckit Toys

They fly!  They float!  They chuck!  What’s not to love about Chuckit brand.  Potnoodle’s boy poodle says that there is nothing not to love. Potnoodle herself wishes that he wasn’t such an addict because she could have bought a newer car with all the money she has invested in to chuckit. Recently, while visiting an upscale pet store Potnoodle was guilted into buying the indoor style toy, partially by her poodle and partially by the employee that played fetch with her poodle the entire time she was there. Still, at ten to fifteen dollars a toy, there are worse toys he could be addicted to. Any chuckit affiliates reading can consider this an official plea for a Chuckit sponsorship. Either in the AA sense of the word or the one where new Chuckit items show up on our doorstep every week.

 

Zuke’s

Zuke’s is an awesome company with awesome treats. They’re made in the USA from a company that has never had a recall. They make one thing  (treats) and they make them well.  Most varieties are grain free and dogs usually go bonkers for them. Plus, they break up easily and the mini naturals are already conveniently sized. They’re more expensive than Bil-jac or Pupperoni but the people you train with won’t judge you for having them and sometimes that’s worth the extra three dollars.

Bully Sticks

Bully Sticks:There’s nothing the Dog Snobs love more than a good penis joke. Seriously, are you new here? Check every Sex Toy Saturday post ever. If we’re being honest, 95% of the reason we buy bully sticks is because we can snicker when the dog goes to town on it. The other 4.5% is because dogs love them (That last .5% is our inner radical feminist that enjoys seeing dogs chew on dicks. Don’t judge us). Reasoning aside, it can’t be argued that dogs don’t love bully sticks. They can be a bit pricey, especially if you have a larger dog that likes to inhale them, but they’re one of the only safe fully consumable chews out there. So stop being a prude and buy one.

 

JW Brand Toys

Besides being featured several times in our “Sex Toy or Dog Toy” posts, JW toys come in all shapes and sizes (wait, are we still talking about dog toys?) and most make some sort of sound your dogs will love and you will hate.  Most dog owners will recognize the “Cuz” toys they make ( you know, the bulbous things with feet that dogs love to chew off), but their squeaky footballs are also a staple in both BusyBee and Potnoodle’s homes.

Jolly Egg

Need some entertainment on a cold Friday night?  Grab some libations (we prefer vodka), give your dog a Jolly Egg, and sit back and enjoy.   Because of it’s egg shape and hard plastic material, your dog won’t be able to put their paws or teeth on it long enough to destroy it, but it will provide enough entertainment to keep them interested. Even biggest mouthed dogs can’t quite figure out how to keep a grip on this bad boy, so watching them chase, pounce, bite, and bat at it just to have it slip away awkwardly will provide hours of entertainment for you and plenty of stimulation for your dog.

 

***The Super Duper Not Cheap***

Tuffy Brand Toys:

 

Full-price, these bad boys can run you up to $50 for the largest creatures.   But if you have a dog who is convinced that stuffies are solely for disemboweling, the investment is well worth it.  Whereas a regular stuffed dog toy might last about 10 seconds with your most aggressive shredders, the Tuffy toys can last for weeks or months at at time.   The key is to avoid the ones with smaller tentacles or appendages as those seem to vulnerable to destruction.  If you stick with the big chunky ones, most dogs will have to put up a pretty good fight to make any progress.  (Note: BusyBee just came from her local pet store store where they just got in the new “Jungle Line” including panthers, giraffes, and elephants.  Somehow she managed to come home without all three).

Orijen Single Source Freeze Dried Dog Treats

 

Whereas 26 oz of Pupperoni will cost about $15,  plan on only getting about 3.5oz of Orijen treats for the same price.  But if you have dogs who have allergies, finding single source protein treats with no added ingredients can be daunting.  Even if your dog doesn’t have allergies, Orijen offers a variety of proteins and most dogs just seem to love them.   Just don’t add up how much you spend on them in a single month.  Or compare them to your own grocery bill.

 

Primal Brand Dog Treats

An entire bag weighs less than a #2 pencil and will cost you $10.  We get it, they’re “puffs”, but we’re pretty sure we’re paying mostly for the air, since only about ¼ of the bag is actually full of treats.  But lord help us, our dogs love them on the rare occasions we decide to sell our souls and pick up a bag.

Nina Ottosson Puzzles

We’re not bragging or anything but… The Dog Snob’s Dogs are pretty smart. And by smart, we mean they have to be entertained or they get obnoxious. Potnoodle’s poodles in particular are fond of the Nina Ottosson line of toys. (Mr. T likes them for about 2 minutes until he realizes that he can pick it up, slam it on the ground, and get all the treats at once.  The Hulk smash  is both devious and effective). They are a bit pricey, especially if you have a very clever dog that needs the wooden ones, but it’s like watching your dog on a trip to Vegas. The entertainment value alone is pretty high.

 

Is your dog getting any of these things for the Holidays? Any must have treats or toys we missed?  Let us know in the comments!

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22 Responses to “Shit The Dog Snobs Love: Treats and Toys”

  1. Dana December 7, 2013 at 12:46 am #

    My dog LOOOOOOOVES the Starmark treat dispensing toy ball. Every dog that gets to play with hers ends up attempting to steal it. Basically, Sadie should get a commission on every ball she helps sell because it is awesome. Plus, they’re super long lasting!

  2. Mel December 7, 2013 at 1:20 am #

    Great list. My dogs have or have had most of the items on your list. The Kong Squeaky balls are Jasper’s absolute favorite toy and Cupcake loves the stuff-less squeaky toys. I’m going to have to check out the Jolly Egg one though.

  3. Emily December 7, 2013 at 1:21 am #

    Does anyone have a recommendation of a treat dispensing toy that is good for a freakishly smart terrier with tiny little teeth? We liked the Kong Genius, until she realized if she picked the whole thing up and crunched it, the treats would pulverize and she could get all the dust. Buster Cubes were good until she learned to hold it with her paws and remove the center part with her teeth. If the holes are much bigger than the treats, she will just pick it up and shake it until the treats fly out.

    Please, anyone, help me. It is getting toward winter and she won’t go outside if it is under 40 degrees. I am going to go insane this winter without something to keep her occupied.

    • Faye Bunny December 7, 2013 at 2:11 am #

      my dog gets constant entertainment from me, but i use the small dog busy buddy toys for my cat (she has super tiny teeth but has been known to chew babyproof locks off of my cabinets and eat entire bags of bagels while i’m at work w/the pup). i think the ‘twist n treat’ would be a particularly good option for you since the opening is adjustable.

    • Heidi December 7, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

      Take a hollow bone (you can find them at the store made by red barn and if they have gunk in them, push it out and throw it away). Fill the bone with a high-quality canned food in freeze. This is a puzzle that most dogs will work and they can’t cheat. My dog gets one every time she gets put in her crate.

    • Ashlee December 11, 2013 at 3:16 pm #

      I freeze wet dog food in an ice cube tray and then slide a couple of cubes into the genius. My dog can’t crack them, and when they thaw while she’s working on it, they are sticky enough to hold together in the inside of the toy (rather than ooze out onto the carpet). Also, the Mike and Leo genius toys can be connected to make it harder for dogs to get the treats. If I want my dog out of my hair for a while, I’ll put the treats in the bowels of the toys when I’m going to connect them so she really has to work hard to get them out. She’s a smart cookie, but this takes her a while to get through – 2 hours! Plus a long nap afterwards. heh. And if you don’t want to use dog food, you can always freeze other stuff – peanut butter, pumpkin, mashed sweet potato, or a combo of anything. Plain greek yogurt mixed with the other stuff will lower the calories and keep the rest of the goo together.

  4. Natalie December 7, 2013 at 2:03 am #

    You’re so right about the bully sticks..

    I think we get more enjoyment than our amstaff boy does from them. Especially when he carries it everywhere with him and of course the comments about how much he lobes penis

  5. Claire December 7, 2013 at 3:12 am #

    I have standard dachshunds and there isn’t a toy on earth they can’t destory.

    I have switched to sheds. They are hours of fun and are cheap if you buy them on eBay or have hunter friends.

  6. Diana December 7, 2013 at 4:00 am #

    I started this week’s blog full of smugness from a day spent shoveling and playing with dogs. I end it with more smugness because most of these (10/13) my dogs already have and love. I will look for the other two and continue to look down on the pepperoni purveyors while my dog steals treats from them.

  7. Stephanie December 7, 2013 at 4:11 am #

    Please add the Planet Dog balls. They are the best for my Australian Cattle Dogs.

  8. Amy Crawford December 7, 2013 at 5:30 am #

    My wolfhound does the “Hulk Smash” thing with the puzzle toys. Glad to know he’s not the only one. I don’t consider it cheating, really, since he didn’t agree to a set of rules; he just won the game.

  9. thephillydog (@thephillydog) December 7, 2013 at 2:09 pm #

    Be careful of those Kong squeakers – the internal squeaker plug can pop out and is a choking hazard – my Yorkie managed to get it out. It’s too bad because the small ones are really the perfect size for a small dog. Just keep a close eye on your dog when playing with them.

  10. tide-eyed December 7, 2013 at 8:54 pm #

    Okay, ladies. What the hell? *lol* One of you owns a Pit Bull, one of you owns a Heeler, and every toy you listed is for pussies. My old, well-trained, never-gets-in-trouble boy ate several holes through the side of my emergency bag today just to get the Pupperoni Sticks out. So I’ll give you points there. But both of my dogs (BC’s) will shred all of the fabric toys you listed within seconds to minutes. Yes, even that crazy ass expensive one. The Chuck-It toys? Yep, gone. The JW toys? HAHAHA! Yeah, that little Cuz lasted a few days, and then it too was in the trash when it became non-recognizable.

    Where are the “Holy shit, my dog is a Velociraptor” toys? West Paw’s Zogoflex line, Kong (Okay, it’s boring, but you can shove food in it!), Orka (Given time, the pup DOES eat these, but has yet to figure out how to devour the Tire), Planet Dog’s line of Orbee-Tuff and Recycle toys, and RuffDawg?

    You’re missing an entire genre here. The “Holy shit, you paid HOW much for a toy, just because it would last longer than a week?” one. 😀

    I’m feeling inspired. On my way to work now, but a dog toy post will go on the list for tonight! 🙂

    • Stacey December 8, 2013 at 3:37 pm #

      There are goughnuts.

      http://www.goughnuts.com/

      I had a green stick last 7 months with my dog. This same dog will part out black kongs and took out a large Orka jack when he was still a puppy.

      He currently has a black stick. I can see him wearing away at it, but it’s still a good investment.

      • tide-eyed December 9, 2013 at 9:58 pm #

        Thanks for the recommend! I seriously need to sign my BC pup up as a toy tester for some businesses. She took out my entire toy collection (over 60 toys) in about a month. My poor old boy is like – Hey, where have all the toys gone?! 😦

      • tide-eyed January 25, 2014 at 10:46 pm #

        Thanks for the idea! I will definitely give them a try!

    • Paul Mason December 11, 2013 at 8:43 pm #

      “Where are the “Holy shit, my dog is a Velociraptor” toys?”, thank you for summing it up perfectly! With two pibbles ANY toy is disposable. Kong Ballistics last a bit longer than average…but even with them the seams start leaking stuffing in a week. But they are also like $10-$20 a pop.

      Regular Kongs are useless with great white teeth, and a regular stuffed toy won’t survive one game of tug of war. ValuePets has fairly good deals on cases of bully sticks. I just wait for yard and rummage sales or consignment shops…you can find cheap stuffed toys, give them out a few at a time and clean up the remains.

      There’s a brand of treat ball called Mojo. They can dent them but haven’t destroyed it yet…after six months that’s amazing! You fill it with kibble or little treats, fill the hole with a spoon of peanut butter or cream cheese and freeze it. Takes them maybe a half hour to lick to the goodies.

      • tide-eyed January 25, 2014 at 10:48 pm #

        Sweet! Thanks for the idea! 🙂 Never heard of the Mojo. My pup just mangled the Ruff Dawg Stick and Peanut yesterday in about 5 minutes total. So far, there are only 3 brands that are holding their own (2 of which are slowly giving up the ghost)… The search continues! 😀

  11. Annie December 8, 2013 at 12:32 am #

    And I thought I was being original tying a Skineez to the end of a flirt pole.

  12. Denise December 10, 2013 at 7:37 pm #

    I need the “Holy shit, my dog is a Velociraptor” toys too. I bought a Tuffy toy and he had it to an un-safe place in about 20-30 minutes. He can only have stuff like that as fetch toys and unavailable the rest of the time. He goes after them with the express intend on destruction, that is what’s fun for him. He’ll find a week point, usually a seam, and go to town cutting it with his back teeth.

    I’ve been tempted to get a goughnuts but I’m not sure he’s actually play with it. We stick with the huge nylabones and antlers mostly.

  13. Kira August 6, 2014 at 12:59 am #

    “Because of it’s egg shape and hard plastic material, your dog won’t be able to put their paws or teeth on it long enough to destroy it…. Even biggest mouthed dogs can’t quite figure out how to keep a grip on this bad boy”

    Hahahahaha NOPE. My GSD figured out that pinning the Jolly Egg between his paws enabled him to bite through the narrow end and carry it around on his first time with it. I can only give it to him when he’s in the water or he’ll tear it up. You guys are great but these are all “pussy toys for little bitch dogs”

    For you fellow velociraptor owners – wheelbarrow tires, kong extreme balls, and firehose or rolled leather tugs are a big hit in my house and hold up pretty well. Z Control makes great tugs out of fur that hold up well too (depending on the fur you choose and whether or not you’re dumb enough to let them play with it by themselves). My buffalo hide tug has been on the end of my flirt pole for months and hasn’t gotten torn up yet.

  14. 7riangulum August 6, 2014 at 1:00 am #

    Because of it’s egg shape and hard plastic material, your dog won’t be able to put their paws or teeth on it long enough to destroy it…. Even biggest mouthed dogs can’t quite figure out how to keep a grip on this bad boy”

    Hahahahaha NOPE. My GSD figured out that pinning the Jolly Egg between his paws enabled him to bite through the narrow end and carry it around on his first time with it. I can only give it to him when he’s in the water or he’ll tear it up. You guys are great but these are all “pussy toys for little bitch dogs”

    For you fellow velociraptor owners – wheelbarrow tires, kong extreme balls, and firehose or rolled leather tugs are a big hit in my house and hold up pretty well. Z Control makes great tugs out of fur that hold up well too (depending on the fur you choose and whether or not you’re dumb enough to let them play with it by themselves). My buffalo hide tug has been on the end of my flirt pole for months and hasn’t gotten torn up yet.

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