Archive | December, 2013

Sex Toy or Dog Toy Saturday

29 Dec

Ready for the last Sex Toy Saturday of 2013?  No?  Too bad.  Ok kids, which one of these festive toys is more for Fido and which one is more for Fetishists?

Option A

Option A

Option B

Option B

If you guessed Option A was the dog toy, you’d be right. Heck you’d be right if you guessed Option B was the dog toy. Congrats dog toy imagineers…You’ve managed to ruin everything. Good job. Also, why does our dog need a flogger? You know what, forget we asked.

 

An Airing of Grievances: The Dog Snobs Festivus Tradition Begins

27 Dec

Here at The Dog Snobs we’ve had a busy holiday season. Between parties, family, and staying home to watch four of six seasons of “The Big Bang Theory”, we’ve been meaning to do our holiday postings and have, well… not. In the spirit of missing Christmas and Hanukkah, we’ve decided to belatedly celebrate the lesser known, but considerably more entertaining, Festivus. We won’t even make you sit through trying to thank Aunt Gladys for those awkwardly large underpants.

Grievance #1:

People who lack a sense of humor, we know who you are.  You probably don’t know who you are, however.  Let us help you.  We don’t take ourselves too seriously here, so if you do, there is always the “unlike” button.

Here’s a hint… it’s filed under ‘F’

Grievance #2:

 People who insist on having their poorly trained dogs off-leash in public places.  You can suck it.

My Bad

Grievance #3:

Internet Arguments. We super don’t care. Go train your dogs.

We have a dog toy for that.

Grievance #4:

The fruit to yogurt ratio in Greek Yogurt. If we wanted a big clump of plain yogurt in the corner, we’d have bought plain yogurt in the first place. We need more fruit!

Grievance #5:

Ok, so this is more like a list.  And we’ve already posted it, but really, it fits the bill.  And will never not be true.  Here are a whole bunch of other things that piss us off.

Minions, what grievances would you like to air?  We want to hear them, so share below!

Shit the Dog Snobs Love: The Miscellaneous Edition

24 Dec

So this is all the crap that doesn’t fit in other categories.

 

**The Cheap**

 

Big Lots Toys:

Okay, so they may have some questionable origins but they’re 1) Damn Cute and 2) Too cheap to ignore. If you have a dog who won’t keep nice things nice, the $2 squeaky toy hitting the garbage is a lot more pleasant than the $12 toy hitting the bottom of the bin. They also get those weird seconds from Chuckit and Kong and Nylabone so you can get those $12 toys for a steal if you’re willing to hunt.

 

Tug Toys:

Potnoodle’s I with one of the million tugs braided from three dollar fleece blankets.

Have a towel? And old rag? A bungee cord (Without the sharp ends. Be reasonable) with a rag? An old fleece blanket? You just made a tug toy for $0. You’re welcome.

 

Training Bags:

For an inexpensive way to tote your crap around we’ve found two really good ways. Firstly, if you don’t live in a mess, the toolbag is your best friend. There are pockets and compartments for everything under the sun. They’re usually incredibly well made (Who really wants a shit ton of wrenches falling on their foot) and they’re easy to find. Hello local hardware store! Secondly, if your training is more free-form and you like hunting through 30lbs of crap to find what you’re looking for, grooming totes at the tack shop serve the same purpose.


Squeeze Tubes:

 

No, this is not something we meant to feature on our Sex Toy or Dog Toy Saturday, although the name certainly is suggestive of that.  The squeeze tube is an amazing way to deliver high value rewards (particularly messy ones like canned food, peanut butter, or tripe) without getting your hands or bag messy.  Originally developed for outdoorsy people such as campers and hikers (and thus found cheaply at REI, Cabelas, and other outdoor goods stores), the squeeze tube has been co-opted by the dog training community and is a staple in many households.  The key is to look for a tube that has an open end for filling up the tube as well as a plastic stopper that prevents mess from going everywhere, but also helps push out every last bit of disgusting goodness. It’s a good alternative to EZ Cheeze (Just eww) or $12 aerosolized peanut butter (Yes Kong. We love you but that’s a ripoff).

 

Flirt Pole:

If you’ve never used a flirt pole before, you really should.  Why? It’s an easy DIY toy, that you can also buy for under $30 bucks, if you are allergic to making stuff like BusyBee. It not only helps your dog work on their basic manners and impulse control, but it also gives them a great workout in just a few minutes. And you hardly have to do a thing.  Bonus. Think of a flirt pole as a giant cat toy that you drag around the ground and let your dog chase after the fuzzy object tied at the end.  In addition to the physical activity they get from hunting the “prey”, it is a great way to work on impulse control by practicing sit, down, look, wait, take it, leave it, drop it.  Working with your dog on listening to you when they’re in a state of high arousal (chasing and tugging) and teaching  them to cool off quickly (drop it and lie down) is a great thing to do, especially for those dogs that need some help in the impulse control department.  Even if you don’t have a yard, you can make a slightly smaller version for use inside, which is particularly handy on dreary days when you just aren’t in the mood to spend an hour outside in the cold and wet.  Just know that with your more bulldozer type dogs, you are bound to have some dog vs. wall or dog vs. couch collisions, so we don’t recommend indoor use anywhere near your fine china…or big screen tv.

 

Dog people in general are weirdly aware and interested in customizing everything. Logos, magnets etc, these peeps have got you covered.

 

K-9 Design

If you know Golden Retriever people or just dog people in general, you probably know these designs, and they are awesome. It’s all done by one person and it’s about as custom as you want it to be. Show Chairs take note, these were incredibly popular as trophies… Much more fun that a toy my dog will eat in under 10 seconds…


Ringlerized Graphics:

Not long ago Fang got it into her head to mark her utility articles. Her generic ones were very easy to confuse and someone nearly walked away with her whole bag (And if you’ve ever bought articles, this tragedy is stroke-worthy) and that was the last straw. A resourceful ACD person posted their newly decorated ACD head study articles and an idea was born. Not only was a design sent out and complete in under 3 days, they were super-helpful and communicative during the process. That the Pigasus as seen above is adorable is only a small portion of their A+. The next custom for M is a Moose, for reasons obvious to those who know him.

Good Dog Graphics: (http://digitalimagedesigns.webs.com/)



Remember that “Poodle Not Doodle” sticker? Good Dog Graphics made that. Sense of humor? Check. Quick service? Check. Willingness to work with you for a truly custom product? Check.

 

**The Less Cheap**

 

Leerburg 

Need dog crap? Need some Michael Ellis (Everyone does. Don’t kid yourself)? Tug toys? Toys in general? Kennel gear? Vests? T-Shirts? DVDs? Ed and the gang have you covered. Aside from their super-helpful deals they have running all the time, they have nearly everything dog-related under the sun (Except Obedience and agility stuff, for that look lower). A double-bonus is located in their relatively inexpensive shipping, which is what moves a lot of these companies to the “Less Cheap” category fairly quickly.

 

J&J:

An obedience Mecca, J&J is the standard in obedience stuff and agility equipment, period. Shipping is a bitch (Seriously, group order if you can) but it is literally the only down side. Is it possible to setup some kind of reverse railroad to the Southeast for J&J gear? No? Okay.

 

Clean Run:

J&J’s agility crazy cousin, these guys are pretty cool too. They carry just about everything you could ever want for agility, rather it’s a weird backyard version or you’ve been invited to world team.They aren’t deadly expensive and, much like hipsters, they usually have things before they are cool in a sport that is famous for its fads.

 

Molly Mutt:


These beds…we die.  Yes, we are that excited about dog beds.  If you aren’t already a fan of Molly Mutt, you need to go check them out.  The joy of Molly Mutt is that you can use your own extra blankets, pillows, and clothes from your home to stuff the duvets.  They sell duvets  in pretty much every style imaginable, so you’re sure to find something you love.  Molly Mutt duvets are like pringles, you can’t have just one.  Buy a few and rotate them out to suit your mood.  If you’re really into your dog sleeping in style, they also sell crate covers. Just don’t be too jealous that your dog is sleeping in style while you are sleeping on ratty sheets from Target.

**The Super Duper Not Cheap**

 

Scents-A-Bells:

Trying to find a gift for the obedience competitor who has everything? Well don’t buy these, but do buy a gift certificate or credit towards a set because your obedience person has likely got an idea of what they want already. Gorgeous custom colors with metallic options available? Awesome. You’re going to be on a waitlist for… a while but they are the ultimate obedience accessory.

 

Hare Today: 

If you feed raw, or are thinking about going raw, you should check out Hare Today.  While certainly pricier than sourcing local meat, their products make raw feeding super easy.  Most of their meats come pre-ground, so all you have to do is defrost and feed.  BusyBee gets almost all of her raw through them since Mr. T is basically allergic to everything that ever existed, and finding locally sourced novel proteins is difficult.   With proteins ranging from goat, llama, guinea pig, and rabbit to your more basic chicken, turkey and beef, Hare Today offers a wide selection that can feed even the most ridiculously allergic dog.  In addition to pre-ground proteins, you can also buy whole prey if that is more your thing.  Although some people may be skeptical of shipping frozen meat cross-country, Hare Today has perfected their shipping process and meat arrives perfectly frozen.  The customer service is excellent, and even with the shipping costs, the per pound cost is usually lower than other commercial raw foods you can find at local pet stores.


**Have these?  Need these?  Blame us for an acute case of “I-want-it-itis”?  Share below.**

Sex Toy or Dog Toy Saturday: The Grinch Edition

22 Dec

Ho, Ho, Ho…ly crap.

Ready for us to ruin your Christmas?  You know how this game works by now.   Which of the following toys gets off Mrs. Claus and which is meant for your dog’s paws?

Option A

Option A

Option B

Option B

 

Ready?  Sure about that?  Ok then….Option A is a Santa Vibrator, complete with removable hat and “snow” topping (um, eww) and Option B is a Santa squeaky toy meant for your pooch.  That being said, the dog toy is actually pretty creepy.  Look at those shifty eyes.   He clearly can’t be trusted.

Merry Christmas, Minions!

 

Ode To A Dog Collar; or, The Dog Snobs Review Paco Collars.

20 Dec

Potnoodle and Fang’s collars.

About a month ago we were contacted, out of the blue, by the founder of Paco collars. Apparently, she’s a fan of our writing and wanted to send us collars. After Potnoodle managed to pick herself off the floor, all three of us started the process of picking out our collars. Paco was amazing to work with and went above and beyond to ensure we got what would look best on our dogs. 

BusyBee:

I’m a woman of simple tastes.  For years Mr. T wore identical collars that came from Old Navy (gasp!)  When my hoard finally ran out last year, I found myself completely overwhelmed by the thought of finding something new.  Slowly, and with Potnoodle’s guidance (read: enabling), I’ve been slowly but surely adding to my collar collection.  During my search for new collars, I had come across Paco several times but had never bitten the bullet, so when we were contacted with the generous offer, I was thrilled.  I must admit, having never owned a leather collar before (told you, simple tastes), I was completely overwhelmed by the all the glorious options.  I finally settled on a gorgeous collar and sent the size specifications off to Paco (side note:  I literally got a message back making sure that Mr. T’s neck was as big as I said it was.  It is.)  When the collar arrived, I opened it like a kid at Christmas leaving remnants of the packing strewn about my house.  I may have even cradled it like Gollum (“My precioussssss”) and marveled at its beauty.  This is easily the nicest collar I’ve ever owned.  The leather is super soft, the finishes are immaculate, and it fits Mr. T like a glove. Now, thanks to this collar, I want ALL the collars.   If there is such a thing as a “gateway collar”, I’m pretty sure this is it.

Potnoodle:

Serious Moustache is Serious about modeling.

Hi, My name is Potnoodle and I’m a collar whore. Seriously, it’s getting out of hand. I have quite a few fabric collars and a couple of leather. Still, I’ve never quite managed to get to a Paco collar. They’re expensive, I’m in college… you know the story. So when we were offered a chance at these GLORIOUS collars… there may have been squealing. Undignified pitches were reached, I won’t lie. Still, I thought, leather is leather. The stones can’t be that different from the leather collars I already have. No, I was incredibly wrong. The leather is buttery soft and the design is just gorgeous. I’ll be honest.. there were moments I contemplated not giving the collar to I and just cuddling it myself for the rest of my life. There were brief threats to elope with my… I mean I’s collar as well as Fang’s that was sent to me so I could hand deliver.  I’m not proud. I finally  managed to release the collar and finally put it on my boy… and I never want to take it off again. It came already ridiculously soft but it broke in to I’s neck like a dream. I love the leather, and I love even more that it is cruelty free. I’m officially a convert… and already saving up for my matching leash.

Fang’s contribution is coming soon. She was busy saving the world… or yelling at people to pick up after their dog. One of those two. In the meantime, admire M in his collar.

Fang:

So I arrived finally (Matted dog to groom, Lesson to teach, private lesson dude to yell at because he STILL DOESN’T GET IT, computer repair and the DMV made for a long-ass day. I know, you should be jealous.) but I’m here with my review. When we were contacted by Paco I was the last to respond, not because it wasn’t incredibly flattering, but (And Potnoodle will unfriend me for this admission) they’re not a style I normally pick. I know, I know, sacrilege. My taste doesn’t have a particular bent but generally I don’t like wide flashy collars. I’m more of a braided skinny kangaroo in contrasting signature colors. My preppiness is showing. My dogs have hair that tends to hide flashy collars, they leave collar swooshes on the neck (It’s actually a problem for me. I use blending shears and hand stripping to get rid of it.), I don’t have ID collars on the big dogs and I have a bunch of super skinny, slips and martingales that get thrown in my disaster of a training bag for every necessity. I hemmed and hawed and dawdled but just went for the blingiest pattern (The Glow) I liked and told them to pick something for my Malinois. I didn’t care what, I trusted their taste and if I didn’t like it, I’d give it to BusyBee or Potnoodle (who by the time they arrived was threatening to abscond with it) or if they didn’t want it, I’d auction it off for a rescue and everyone wins… Well it arrived via Havanese Express on Friday and shockingly to myself at least, I loved it. While it’s not something I’d have gone out of my way to order (I’d probably have chosen a more utilitarian collar) it’s absolutely stunning on M. The leather is absolutely perfect. They “deluxed” it by adding a second layer of leather, for M’s poofiness. It doesn’t leave a weird collar swoosh and the weird indent in the photo is because I’d just been collar bouncing him around the yard. It’s flashy, but not in a gaudy way and the number of positive comments on it have been amazing, so sorry charity but I’m keeping it and I’m a convert. You win, Paco. I need more. Z will have to wait her turn for a flashy collar so it’s best not to tell her yet. Now I just need to pick a style and let them work their color selection magic.

**Disclaimer: We were given these collars for free, however we were not asked to review them. We did that because of how purely awesome we think they are. **

Have a Paco? Tell us about it in the comments. If not, go check them out over here.

Shit The Dog Snobs Love: Collars and Leashes

19 Dec

Here at The Dog Snobs, the three of us have varying affection for dog accessories.  While Potnoodle and Fang have a collar for every occasion, BusyBee tends to stick to the basics.  That being said, all of us love high-quality collars and leashes.  Below we share some of our favorites.

 

**The Cheap**

Onlead:

275_twisted_leads

How doth Potnoodle love Onlead Leashes? Let her count the ways… or just count how many she has. Wait, no. She doesn’t want to do that. Just trust us. It’s enough. Cheap, good leather, free shipping. And by cheap… we mean seriously cheap. Show us a cheaper leather leash of the same quality and Potnoodle will eat her eight foot euro lead.

White Pine:    

If you have a coated dog and you don’t know what White Pine is… we’re  about to change your life. They are, without a doubt, the softest nylon out there. Made out of tubular nylon, the leashes are as soft on your hands as the collar is on your dog’s throat.

 

Rogz

It’s like a blood diamond but it’s a collar so it’s cool.

Just need a plain collar with no extra bling in a fun color or pattern that you know is going to last? Rogz is Fang’s South African contact. The collection of chain martingales is becoming problematic. While buying them retail can be pricey, online they’re a $7 investment that will stand up to serious wear and tear. Anecdotally, their leashes are prone to fraying, but their collars are an extremely good value and take over a huge portion of Fang’s training bag.

**The Less Cheap**

 

Krebs Recycled Leashes:

As much as it pains her to admit it,  BusyBee’s time in Seattle may just be turning her into a crunchy granola hippie who loves recycled anything, including leashes. The Krebs leash is a great option, especially for those who frequently encounter mud, rain (lots of rain), and other elements.  It’s not only sturdy, but is easy to wash and quick to dry.  Plus, you’re like, saving the planet and shit.  Al Gore would be proud.

 

Silly Buddy:

Mr. T modeling his Silly Buddy Collar (Photo Courtesy of Raindog Photography)

Mr. T modeling his Silly Buddy Collar (Photo Courtesy of Raindog Photography)

Does your dog need to look particularly dapper?  Does he need slightly less formal attire?  Silly Buddy has you covered with their removable bow-tie collars.   Their handmade collars and leashes in a variety of fun patterns and most come with a bowtie that can snap on or off depending on your mood.

The Collar Shop:

If you want unique patterns, the Collar Shop is almost certain to have what you want.  From sock monkeys to mustaches to “goth cupcakes” (yes, that is a real fabric name), they have enough options for pretty much every day of the year.  Just don’t tell Potnoodle.  She has a problem.

 

Collar Mania: 

I in once of his many Collar Mania collars

Speaking of Potnoodle’s collar problem… meet her dealer. Beautiful, sturdy, and a really good price… plus some of the best customer service out there. You’d be hard pressed to beat her selection but if she doesn’t have what you want… she’ll order a different fabric for you.


Aggie’s Anvil:

Aggie’s Anvil is a recent obsession of Potnoodle’s, and one she has yet to pass on to the other dog snobs. Thick Aluminum (or Brass) that is stamped or engraved with whatever you want… and Potnoodle wants a lot. The first one came from a contest, but five more for one dog followed in short order.

 

TheModDog

Honey Badger don’t… whoa I want the Raccoons.

Based out of Georgia these collars are cute, sturdy and customizable for your needs. With an insane collection of ribbon, if you can’t find something your dog needs, you’re not looking hard enough. If you have a thing for Scandinavian ribbon this is your place. Z is currently rocking her badger collar not caring and being pretty bad-ass.

**The Super Duper Not Cheap**

Ella’s Lead:

Potnoodle’s custom Ella’s Lead

We hesitate to put EL in the Super Duper Not Cheap category, since their prices are so nice for the type of work they do, but they definitely aren’t Petsmart ‘leather’ cheap… and that’s why we like them.

Leashes By Design

If you compete in obedience regularly, you’ve seen these and been incredibly envious. I admit that I covet a friend’s leash and collar set like no other and have had a design picked out as a present for finishing Z’s UDX since 2011. Fully custom kangaroo braided leather sets(Including braiding style, beading (if any), color, size and closure style, these are show-stoppers. She does a bunch of other stuff too, and is busy so if you want one, get in line early but we promise it’ll be worth the wait.

Paco Collars:

custom-product

… Get their own review on Friday. They’re just that awesome.

Other Places we like: Sexy Beast, MJ Lessard Sellier (Closed right now but she’ll be back!) and Southern Gold Goldens (Gorgeous show leads).

So, did we miss anything?  Want to share your favorites?  Go right ahead! 

Shit The Dog Snobs (Secretly) Love: WTF Wednesday Edition

12 Dec

Ok, so we’ve posted some weird shit here every Wednesday.  Some made us laugh.  Some made us cry.  A lot made us cringe.  And some… we may or may not be asking Santa for this Christmas (or asking Chanukah Harry for as a belated Chanukah gift if you are BusyBee).

1. The Beer opening Collar.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we mocked it, but seriously… look at that genius. Who doesn’t want to spend the day knocking back cold ones and hanging out with their dog? It’s the American dream (we may have a very loose grasp on this American dream thing)  Ever since writing that article Cycle Dog has been teasing us with ads on facebook and the temptation to order one is strong. Forgive us, minions.

2. The Pet Sweep

Both utilitarian and entertaining?  Sign us up! Since our dogs have yet to truly earn their keep (we keep waiting on their portion of the rent, but alas…), we might as well put them to work.  Plus, BusyBee really hates to mop so this could save some time and frustration.  And really, how cute would Mr. T be prancing around in those suckers?

3. Dog Mansion 

No, we won’t be moving our dogs into these incredibly expensive dog houses, but Potnoodle is vaguely considering squatting in one when she finishes her (basically useless) degree. Television, air conditioning, inhabited only by furry creatures? Sounds like a dream. Hopefully the resident dog won’t mind watching TLC.

4. Feather extensions 

Potnoodle has poodles (Not an addiction to marijuana and a fondness for pasta, we know what you were thinking) so obviously, she has a flair for the dramatic. Can you blame her for sort of wanting feather extensions for her dogs? Yeah, she blames herself a little bit too. You just haven’t met her boy poodle, he’s fabulous enough to pull them off. Trust us.

5. Duck Muzzles

Okay, you assholes never sent us a picture of your dog in a duck muzzle. We give you all this quality adult humor and you can’t even embarrass your dog for one quick duck face photo. Fine, we’re putting it on our Christmas list. See if we share photos with you.

Have any ridiculous dog items you totally need? We probably need to see them.

Shit The Dog Snobs Love: Lean, Mean, and Clean

10 Dec

In this edition of “Shit The Dog Snobs” we’re discussing our favorite grooming products. We have active dogs.  That means they sometimes (fine, a lot of the time) get dirty.  Between that and their varying hair lengths and types, we have quite a bit of experience with various grooming products.  Below we share just a few of our favorites.

**The Cheap**


Baby Wipes:


Several companies sell dog-wipes, but let’s be honest, they’re exactly the same as the baby ones, just with the prices jacked up. Save yourself some money to spend on other shit and just buy unscented baby wipes.  These are a godsend for those times when your dog needs a little spit-shine but you aren’t in the mood to give them an actual bath.  While probably not a good idea for a truly filthy dog, these are great for things like wiping off patches of dirt and other mysterious things that may find themselves clinging to your dog’s fur.  BusyBee also keeps a box of unscented baby wipes in her car so she can do a quick wipedown of muddy paws before Mr. T  jumps in and tromp all over her seats.  As a caution, people may begin to suspect you are having a baby if you start buying these in bulk.  You have our permission to throat punch anyone who reaches out to touch your non-baby carrying belly.

 

Klever Kutter:

Despite the super questionable use of K instead of C, this is a product that is going to change your life for less then three dollars, specifically if you have a long haired dog. Yeah, it’s meant to be a box cutter (and it really sucks at that job) but it’s true calling is matt splitter. Those obnoxious matts dogs sometimes get behind their ears no matter how often you brush? Please don’t take the scissors to them. you’ll cut off your dogs ear and probably lose a finger. Instead, safely slip the little plastic tip under the mat and lift up. It’s magical.

 

 

Zoom Groom:  


We’re pretty sure that this is at least one Kong product that doesn’t look like a sex toy.  At least we hope not.  The Zoom Groom is meant for all coats, but it seems to be the most effective for short-coated dogs like Mr. T (in fact, it’s the only grooming tool BusyBee owns).  Most dogs love being brushed with it and will even lean in for more brushing and massaging magic.  It’s great for using in the tub to help massage the shampoo into fur and as a deshedding tool when your dog is dry. (Pro Tip:  The Zoom Groom can also be used to remove those annoying needle-like furs that weave into your carpet.  Just apply some pressure and move the brush in a circular manner). While this tool certainly isn’t enough for coated dogs, it should be a staple in your grooming regimen, especially if you your dog has shorter fur.

 

**The Less Cheap**

 

Chris Christensen Shampoo:

file_339998_0_750x400

If you’ve ever been to a dog show, you’ve seen the giant booth of brushes and shampoos with the “Chris Christensen” label. White bottled, claim to do everything under the sun. Familiar? The difference between those shampoos and all the other shampoos that claim to work is… CC products actually DO work. They do what they say on the tin and they say a LOT of things on the tin. We’re pretty sure CC has a shampoo made specifically for making your hot pink dog an even more obnoxious shade of pink and if it’s anything like their other color shampoos, it’s awesome.

 

Dremel:

Are you one of those weirdos that still clips their dog’s nails? If so, you’re doing it wrong. Let us introduce you to a product that is going to change your life. (unless your dog pisses itself at the sound, then go right back to your clippers and stay in the 90s with the rest of the losers) There are approximately one million “doggie nail grinders” but those are for pansies. No, what you want is the straight up power tool. Man up, go to home depot, buy a real dremel, go home and grind your dog’s nails. Then feel free to come back and thank us.

 

**The Super Duper Not Cheap**

 

Isle of Dog aka Isle of Holy Shit I own this Island of sudsy dogs and I’m putting in a Sandals resort:

Sometimes Potnoodle cries at night because of how much she loves this shampoo. Seriously, she wants to bathe in it for the rest of her life. Unfortunately she can’t because she’d have to start auctioning off organs. Why on earth pay forty dollars for a litre of shampoo you can’t even dilute, you ask? Because it’s awesome and it smells like sunshine and cupcakes. Plus it makes Potnoodle’s white poodle sparkle, and she likes shiny things.

 

Les Pooch Brushes:

If you have a long-haired dog and haven’t heard of this brush, we’re about to blow your mind (and save you from carpal tunnel) It has to be the Les Pooch brand, don’t go eyeballing the cheap Pet Edge knockoffs. If you have a dog you have to line brush, you’re going to need a Les Pooch. Just don’t faint when you see the price.

*Anything you’d like to add?  Any groomers want to share their secrets?  We want to hear!*

Shit The Dog Snobs Love: Treats and Toys

7 Dec

Alright, real talk. What we spend on our dogs yearly is probably enough to feed like twenty starving kids in a third world country. Now is not the time of year to be ashamed of that though. What time of year is it, you ask? It’s time to spend ridiculous amounts of money on your pet for a holiday your pet probably refers to as “That time of year where I get yelled at for making pee eyes at the tree in our living room”. In honor of this mass marketed holiday, we’re going to do a series on Shit The Dog Snobs Love, starting with today’s on Treats and Toys. We also understand that sometimes you’re broke, so we’re going to divide this in three categories: Cheap, Less Cheap, and Super Duper Not Cheap.

 

***The Cheap***

Pupperoni

Okay, stay with us on this one. Yeah, you can buy them at Walmart and the ingredients are sort of sketchy,, but your dog will murder you and leave your body in a dark alley for a bite. We promise. Plus, they’re easy to break up and you can get a solid training session out of one stick.

Kong Tennis Balls

That glowing green ball seen above is the best ninety nine cents you will ever spend on your dog, if they have any sort of toy drive. We aren’t saying you won’t want to kill the dog when they find it at midnight and decide to start a squeaker solo, we’re just saying if you want your dog to love you, you  probably need to buy one.

Cheerios

 

What do cranky toddlers and most dogs have in common? If you said a freakish love of cheerios and unpredictable vomit habits… you’d be right. Potnoodle doesn’t like to think about vomit so we’re going to stick to the cheerios part of that comparison. Seriously, we know they’re grains  but live a little, your dog will appreciate it (unless your dog is a giant nerd like Mr. T and breaks out in hives at the mere mention of things he is allergic to. He’s getting a pocket protector for Christmas.) Plus they’re like…. a half a calorie per treat. That shit matters when you’re doing a lot of training.

Skineez

We love skineez. Specifically, we love tying them to the end of a flirt pole and making our dogs run around like idiots. It’s either that or Toddlers and Tiaras, and T&T isn’t on every day (hear that TLC? Consider it a formal request). The Skineez are perfect for flirt poles because they look like a squirrel, there’s no mess when your dog finally catches the lure, and they’re easy to tie off. Plus, for under seven bucks you don’t mind so much when they finally bite the dust.

 

***The Less Cheap***

Chuckit Toys

They fly!  They float!  They chuck!  What’s not to love about Chuckit brand.  Potnoodle’s boy poodle says that there is nothing not to love. Potnoodle herself wishes that he wasn’t such an addict because she could have bought a newer car with all the money she has invested in to chuckit. Recently, while visiting an upscale pet store Potnoodle was guilted into buying the indoor style toy, partially by her poodle and partially by the employee that played fetch with her poodle the entire time she was there. Still, at ten to fifteen dollars a toy, there are worse toys he could be addicted to. Any chuckit affiliates reading can consider this an official plea for a Chuckit sponsorship. Either in the AA sense of the word or the one where new Chuckit items show up on our doorstep every week.

 

Zuke’s

Zuke’s is an awesome company with awesome treats. They’re made in the USA from a company that has never had a recall. They make one thing  (treats) and they make them well.  Most varieties are grain free and dogs usually go bonkers for them. Plus, they break up easily and the mini naturals are already conveniently sized. They’re more expensive than Bil-jac or Pupperoni but the people you train with won’t judge you for having them and sometimes that’s worth the extra three dollars.

Bully Sticks

Bully Sticks:There’s nothing the Dog Snobs love more than a good penis joke. Seriously, are you new here? Check every Sex Toy Saturday post ever. If we’re being honest, 95% of the reason we buy bully sticks is because we can snicker when the dog goes to town on it. The other 4.5% is because dogs love them (That last .5% is our inner radical feminist that enjoys seeing dogs chew on dicks. Don’t judge us). Reasoning aside, it can’t be argued that dogs don’t love bully sticks. They can be a bit pricey, especially if you have a larger dog that likes to inhale them, but they’re one of the only safe fully consumable chews out there. So stop being a prude and buy one.

 

JW Brand Toys

Besides being featured several times in our “Sex Toy or Dog Toy” posts, JW toys come in all shapes and sizes (wait, are we still talking about dog toys?) and most make some sort of sound your dogs will love and you will hate.  Most dog owners will recognize the “Cuz” toys they make ( you know, the bulbous things with feet that dogs love to chew off), but their squeaky footballs are also a staple in both BusyBee and Potnoodle’s homes.

Jolly Egg

Need some entertainment on a cold Friday night?  Grab some libations (we prefer vodka), give your dog a Jolly Egg, and sit back and enjoy.   Because of it’s egg shape and hard plastic material, your dog won’t be able to put their paws or teeth on it long enough to destroy it, but it will provide enough entertainment to keep them interested. Even biggest mouthed dogs can’t quite figure out how to keep a grip on this bad boy, so watching them chase, pounce, bite, and bat at it just to have it slip away awkwardly will provide hours of entertainment for you and plenty of stimulation for your dog.

 

***The Super Duper Not Cheap***

Tuffy Brand Toys:

 

Full-price, these bad boys can run you up to $50 for the largest creatures.   But if you have a dog who is convinced that stuffies are solely for disemboweling, the investment is well worth it.  Whereas a regular stuffed dog toy might last about 10 seconds with your most aggressive shredders, the Tuffy toys can last for weeks or months at at time.   The key is to avoid the ones with smaller tentacles or appendages as those seem to vulnerable to destruction.  If you stick with the big chunky ones, most dogs will have to put up a pretty good fight to make any progress.  (Note: BusyBee just came from her local pet store store where they just got in the new “Jungle Line” including panthers, giraffes, and elephants.  Somehow she managed to come home without all three).

Orijen Single Source Freeze Dried Dog Treats

 

Whereas 26 oz of Pupperoni will cost about $15,  plan on only getting about 3.5oz of Orijen treats for the same price.  But if you have dogs who have allergies, finding single source protein treats with no added ingredients can be daunting.  Even if your dog doesn’t have allergies, Orijen offers a variety of proteins and most dogs just seem to love them.   Just don’t add up how much you spend on them in a single month.  Or compare them to your own grocery bill.

 

Primal Brand Dog Treats

An entire bag weighs less than a #2 pencil and will cost you $10.  We get it, they’re “puffs”, but we’re pretty sure we’re paying mostly for the air, since only about ¼ of the bag is actually full of treats.  But lord help us, our dogs love them on the rare occasions we decide to sell our souls and pick up a bag.

Nina Ottosson Puzzles

We’re not bragging or anything but… The Dog Snob’s Dogs are pretty smart. And by smart, we mean they have to be entertained or they get obnoxious. Potnoodle’s poodles in particular are fond of the Nina Ottosson line of toys. (Mr. T likes them for about 2 minutes until he realizes that he can pick it up, slam it on the ground, and get all the treats at once.  The Hulk smash  is both devious and effective). They are a bit pricey, especially if you have a very clever dog that needs the wooden ones, but it’s like watching your dog on a trip to Vegas. The entertainment value alone is pretty high.

 

Is your dog getting any of these things for the Holidays? Any must have treats or toys we missed?  Let us know in the comments!

WTF Wednesday: The Dogbrella Edition

5 Dec

Seriously?  It rains sometimes.  Or frequently, if you’re BusyBee and living in Seattle.  We understand rain gear for dogs, especially those with short coats, no coats, or long coats that need to be protected from the rain, but we just can’t get behind the leash umbrella.

It’s not a coincidence that many temperament tests utilize umbrellas as a novel object. Many  dogs are scared shitless of umbrellas, so yes, let’s strap one to the dog’s back and let the fun begin. Also, even if your dog isn’t afraid of the umbrella, that looks like possibly the most awkward walking arrangement ever. Either the dog is out in front and therefore not under the umbrella or the dog is close to you and you are constantly bumping in to it and being stabbed by the umbrella ribs. The third option, seen in the photograph above, isn’t exactly how we want to hold ourselves for several miles.

Our advice is invest in a raincoat, don’t be that weird recluse in the neighbourhood with a dog umbrella.