Picking up dog poop should be common sense, right? Seems pretty obvious. Your dog takes a dump out in public, you pick it up. Easy. Well…easier said than done given that common sense is not exactly common and there are a lot of self-involved, oblivious, or just down-right disrespectful people out there.
Yesterday I stepped in two different piles of dog shit while out and about in my neighborhood. Seriously. Nothing makes me rage more. I don’t understand people who don’t pick up after their dogs. Sure, it’s not glamorous, but what parts of dog ownership are? (Certainly living with Mr. T who routinely belches in my face, farts in bed, and licks his not-junk in my presence has robbed me of any delusions of glamour I may have started with).
So why don’t people pick up after their dogs? I’ve pretty much heard it all.
1. “ Dog poop is natural.”
So is arsenic. I don’t want to drag that home with me either.
2. “ I didn’t want to carry it with me.”
Oh, so letting other people carry it home on the bottom of their shoes is a better option. Got it.
3. “I forgot a bag.”
Be creative, then. It’s amazing how many things can be used to scoop poop. Channel your inner MacGyver and use leaves, a twig, or a napkin to pick it up. Or here’s a novel concept…ask someone. If you live in the city like I do, there is always someone around and most of us are responsible dog owners and carry extra bags.
4. “I didn’t see where it went.”
I live in the city where leash-laws rule, so either your head was completely up your ass or your dog was off-leash and you weren’t paying attention. Both are crappy excuses. Is it dark out? That’s fine. Use a flashlight. Don’t have one? There’s this nifty little thing called an app that can give you one instantly on your smartphone.
5. “It makes me gag.”
If you can’t deal with dog poop, you shouldn’t get a dog. Dogs poop. Sometimes it’s gross. Sometimes it’s REALLY gross. But you know what, it comes with the territory. So suck it up buttercup, and clean up after your dog.
So how do I handle this? (Other than venting on the internet?). Usually I offer up a combination of dirty looks, passive aggressive offers to lend them a poop-bag, or simply yelling across the park to pick it up.
How do I *want* to handle this? Oh, I have lots of fun ideas I’ve toyed around with. Does anyone else remember “John TV” where local stations aired the names of men who had been caught soliciting prostitutes? Well, I have imagined airing a segment on the local news or neighborhood blogs with photos of the assholes who routinely don’t pick up after their dogs. I’ve also joked about starting a vigilante poo crew that hides behind bushes and upon seeing a poopetrator, jumping out, yelling, “ah ha!!” and then shaming people into picking up. And if they don’t? We follow them home and light burning bags of their dog’s crap on their front patio.*
*I am not really suggesting poo-filled revenge or vandalism. Relax. Let a girl have her dreams.
So, anyone else feel the rage? Think I’m being too uptight? Have any clever ideas to deal with the idiots who can’t be bothered to clean up after their dog? Share below!