Description: We all know them, none of us love them. That’s right- The Cesar Millan Wannabe (CMW). Whether you are a fan of CM or want him to burn in the lowest pit of hell, you have to admit this person is annoying. Really, really, annoying. The entirety of their dog knowledge is gained from reading CM’s books and watching his program religiously. Their own dog is usually terribly behaved and completely ignores CM’s most often used catchphrase “Tsst”.
Common Locations: Dog parks, where they can impart their “knowledge” on innocent bystanders and demonstrate alpha rolls on unsuspecting dogs. Trolling internet forums where they pick fights with anyone and everyone who will give them the time of day.
Wardrobe: “Be the Pack Leader” and “Leader of the Pack” t-shirts, rollerblades, fanny packs and dog packs strapped on each hip. Dogs are usually wearing cheap slip leashes, or more recently the Cesar Millan branded products.
Breeds Owned: Just about any breed can be owned by the CMW, but they do tend to enjoy having “power” over the larger more powerful breeds like Rotties, Pit bulls, and German Shepherds.
Skill Level: Very Very low, the CMW has never spoken to an actual trainer other than to tell them what they are doing is completely wrong.
Catch Phrases: “TSST”, “You need to be calm submissive”, “No talk, no touch, no eye contact.”
BusyBee: Volunteering at a local shelter, I’ve encountered more CMWs than I can count. Recently while taking out a puppy with a potential adopter, it became remarkably clear that I was dealing with one of these types. Within a few minutes of pointing and “tsssting” at the poor confused pup, he proclaimed “This dog won’t mind me. I can fix that. Just need to show her who is boss”. When I pointed out that she responded much better to positive reinforcement (and promptly showed him how eager she was to please when she had some direction), he told me that he didn’t believe in bribing his dogs and that the dog only responded to me because I had known for a while (note: It was my first time meeting her as well). After a few more minutes of him pointing and commanding the puppy to do things, he tried to force the puppy into a “sit” and got angry when I asked him to please not do that. I said it was time to go back inside and he stomped away in a huff. Needless to say, the CMW did not end up getting a dog from us.
Potnoodle: My favorite CMW just happens to be a relative of mine. He seems to be fairly convinced dogs are born knowing that “tsst” and a claw hand means bad. His own dog, upon hearing the noise, would roll over on his back. When he visited my house, he tried it on my Australian Cattle Dog/Border Collie mix and she just stared at him like the idiot he was. He then attempted to tell me that the B, the mix, was clearly a red zone case and was challenging him with eye contact. I told him that we had a trainer and that maybe he needed to see one too.
Fang: There’s a local “trainer” (and I use the term loosely) who runs around pretending to be a combination of Cesar and Jesus. His concept of clicker training is truly a marvel. He has his own Youtube channel which I will sometimes watch for my own amusement. Unsurprisingly, he has an amazingly devoted following, who are equal parts frustrating and stupid.
I’m not being aggressive, just dominant.