We totally understand the the importance of speutering for the general public. Most people are totally not ready or responsible enough to take on an intact dog (we’re looking at you, people who bring an in-heat bitch to a dog park).
Bitches be crazy.
We know that there are plenty of idiots out there with intact dogs who either have plans to have litters of puppies “just because”, don’t want to neuter them because it threatens their manhood (pro tip: it’s not your balls they are removing), or are just too lazy to get it done. But, it is easy to forget that there are other people who keep intact dogs that are responsible enough to manage everything that it comes with and aren’t the type of people responsible for shelter overcrowding and whatnot.
It’s even gray… Mind blown.
Two of these people happen to be Dog Snobs. That’s right, both Potnoodle and Fang have intact male dogs. (BusyBee, for several reasons, including both owning shelter dogs and plain not wanting to look at dog danglies all day doesn’t ever plan on having an intact dog). In today’s post, Potnoodle and Fang will address the neuter nuts and defend their right to keep an intact dog.
Exactly like that.
Hi, my name is Potnoodle and I have an intact male dog. That’s right, my dog has managed to hold on to his family jewels in the rampant time of spay/neuter propaganda. I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
Don’t worry, it’s not the book. That’s not a secret, that’s just stupid.
My dog is not intact because of health reasons, my dog is not intact because I have a weird macho attachment to his balls, my dog isn’t intact because of drive. My dog is intact simply because he hasn’t given me a reason to neuter him yet (Despite some threats with toe nail clippers). For some wild and crazy reason, I’m not all rushed to put my dog under anesthesia for a medical procedure that is 100% unnecessary if you’re a decently responsible dog owner. Somehow, magically, he’s managed to avoid unwanted pregnancies with other dogs.
Wait, that’s not magic… that’s me being a decent pet owner. So when you see me walking around PetWhatever, and for some reason you’re staring at my dog’s balls… go ahead and judge me, because I’m probably judging you for your lunging asshat of a dog.
Folksy, yet scathing.
Dearest minions, it is indeed true. M the Malinois has testicles.
Testicles (Testi-Klees), a legend in his own mind.
Why? Well, if you approach me in the street (And if you’re asking about my dog’s balls in the street you have issues. Really, you need to seek a counselor.) I’ll tell you he’s a show dog. It’s technically true. He has those very expensive CH letters in front of his official name.
Roughly the same price to win with about half the violence.
He also is unlikely to ever set foot back in a conformation ring. I’ll also tell you I have an agreement with his breeder to leave him intact, which is also technically true, but in perfect honesty she really doesn’t care if I neuter or not. My Malinois is intact because I don’t have a reason to neuter him and why fix what isn’t broken? He’s healthy, well-mannered, and I’m a moderately responsible adult who can manage his base instincts, which to my observation mostly consist of licking neutered males’ junk and trying to poop the highest. Yeah, it’s really thrilling.
My only complaint, other than the jarring morning greeting of balls being flung around my face and his near inability to gain weight is that rescues have a sore point in regard to balls.
With a little bit of fur, that’s a solid reenactment of M’s balls smacking a rescue coordinator in the face. True story.
I am basically unable to adopt any dog locally because my male is intact. Logic that one out, minions. I am apparently “not an animal advocate”. Erm… okay then. I didn’t think my dog’s testicles had much to do with my value as a person but be my guest. I will however judge your personal values for trying to stare at my dog’s junk.
Really… Stop that. It’s weird and you’re making him uncomfortable.
Anyone else get verbally castrated (Ha! A Pun) over their dog’s testicles? Think we’re awful people for keeping our creatures intact? Drop us a line or commiserate in the comments.