Archive | June, 2013

WTF Wednesday

13 Jun

What has four legs, a duck bill and a need to avenge itself upon its human captors?

Not This Guy.

It’s this guy.

Do you often find yourself thinking “How can I make my tiny human aggressive dog even MORE appealing to children?” If so, this is the product for you!

Look Mommy! It’s a duck dog! Let’s harass it!

Just… why? A muzzle is a muzzle is a muzzle  (and we prefer the “nasty leather type”, thank you.) Don’t try to make it cute. It’s a thing that keeps dogs from biting people or other dogs. It does not need to make your dog look like a friendly pond animal*.

Also, we’re wondering if the edges of the bill is hard? If so, ouch when the dog snaps. If not… ouch when the dog snaps. Definitely not the most effective thing we’ve seen.

If you desperately need one, they can be purchased here. If you buy it, we’re judging you… but we also want photos.

*BusyBee would like to state that not all pond creatures are nice.  Having been chased by a swan once, she can assure you that they are, in fact,  assholes.

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Ask the Dog Snobs Round Two

11 Jun

Dear Dog Snobs,

I work at an animal hospital and about half of our calls start with “I know this is a weird question but…” The question I have for you is how do I tell someone, politely, that they are an idiot?  “My Blue Heeler/Australian Shepherd/Jack Russell/name the high energy breed is driving us crazy.  He just runs and runs all the time and if we keep him in the house he tears it up.”  What did you think you were buying?  Why do breeders sell dogs like this to people who have no clue what they are getting?  He was bred to run all day long.  Give him a job and exercise him or you are going to have problems.  I get a totally blank stare back like I am speaking a foreign language.  Thank you for letting me rant.  

–Lisa

Dear Lisa,

First, it sounds like you need a padded desk so you don’t hurt yourself when you beat your head into the desk repeatedly each time you get an idiot on the phone. Sadly, calling people idiots to their faces has not become standardly acceptable. If you owned the business I’d say go to town, but since you don’t and have that whole “needing to get paid”  thing going on, we need to give you a better coping strategy. Of course you could attempt to educate them on the exercise needs of their dog, but we’ve found that people who find it necessary to ask why their high-energy breed doesn’t sleep all day generally won’t be responsive to reason. If you are southern, you can frequently get away with ‘Bless your heart’ or some variation on the theme. It essentially implies a level of stupid requiring divine intervention because there’s jack-all we can do for it.  Even if you aren’t southern, you can totally bust out a fake accent while blessing their hearts. As it stands however, non-committal noises and a dart-board in the staff room may serve you better in the long run.

Sincerely,

The Dog Snobs

Dear Dog Snobs

I have miniature pinschers.  The seemingly endless “is that one of them mini Dobermans?” Drives me to distraction; and that’s a short trip!  I have miniature pinschers.  The next thing that comes out is something like “not a Chihuahua?” ………… Tired of explaining the history of my breed.  What’s a good retort to the obvious?   

–Julie

Dear Julie,

We recommend that you obtain a Doberman by whatever means you see fit. Then,  when people inevitably ask if the Miniature is a puppy of the obviously younger Doberman, shake your head, sigh, and say “No, the big one was supposed to stay that size but it just kept growing!” Unfortunately, people are always going to ask dumb questions.  We generally do our best to avoid this by not making eye contact with people and pretending not to hear them when they say stupid things.

Sincerely,

The Dog Snobs

Dear Dog Snobs,

I have a two year Old English Bulldog.  He has all of the normal bull-headed traits that go with bully breeds which makes training challenging an adventure.  We have started walking him since out Rott died.  Walking the two of them together was not an option because there are many loose dogs in the area.  By themselves they were fine with other dogs but together they went into “protect mom from the approaching demon hound” mode.  He’s pretty good about not pulling on the leash and is pretty content to walk beside me.  The problem is that he feels the need to stare up at me adoringly instead of paying attention to where we are going.  This leads to him walking into my legs, leaving me tripping over his bulk.  Do you have any ideas of how to get him to keep his eyes on the road and off of me?  I know how awesome and wonderful I am already and would like to be able to walk without running into my own personal doggy roadblock.  Thanks for your suggestions,

–Harmony

Dear Harmony,

We think you should utilize his idolization of you and have an OTCh bulldog. If he’s going to stare adoringly, you might as well harness it for good instead of evil. Teaching the correct heel position takes some time, but we feel it would allow your canine stalker to admire you from up close without becoming a speedbump. Or maybe just get a snausage on the end of a stick and hang it in front of him. One of those, for sure.

Sincerely,

The Dog Snobs

Dear Dog Snobs,

I know you profess to be….well… dog snobs but how do you feel about those people who are truly, utterly, hatefully dog snobs? Those people who tell you that you are doing NOTHING right and that you should rehome the dog then when you announce you are going to rehome the dog, they jump on you for that?

–Pam

Dear Pam,

We tell those people to fuck off. Everyone has an opinion. Everyone also has a rectum. Some people spew from both ends at the same time. We also would tell you that those people aren’t dog snobs, they’re just hateful and are not people you need to associate with. This actually sounds like an internet forum phenomenon we are all too familiar with. In any internet forum, there are people who give less-than-tactful advice (albeit sound advice), but they tend to be overwhelmed by the cacophony of jerky dogpiling that ensues. The key is to be able to sort out the chaff and not be overwhelmed by the repetitive nature of the internet. If you’re feeling that overwhelmed however, it’s usually a good sign to step-away and distance yourself from the people professing to help you. It’s not helpful or kind and it won’t enrich your life.

Sincerely,

The Dog Snobs

Dear Dog Snobs,

I’ve noticed that my foster pups’ poops are a nice size to be shot in a slingshot at asshole neighbors. My question is; How long should I let them age to obtain maximum velocity yet still maintain a nice “splattering” effect on impact? I mean, too moist and mooshy and they would be slow and probably even fall apart, but too dry and hard they would lose their properties of being… well, shit. I’m sure you can see my dilemma here, and I’d really appreciate your input and expertise.

–Jim

Wow, good thing you asked us this very important question.  We have the perfect solution.  First, you must use Poop Freeze to solidify the turds, but remember to do so lightly as to maintain some of the desired consistency.  Mind you, finding the happy spot between frozen missile and splattery mess may take some experimentation.  However, once they are frozen to your liking, use your Turd Burglar to slapshot those suckers at your neighbors.  We suggest wearing a face mask for obvious reasons.  Also, note that form is key in an endeavor like this, so we suggest you watch some professional hockey games first so that you can perfect your swing.

Sincerely,

The Dog Snobs

**Have More Burning Questions for The Dog Snobs? Send them to thedogsnobs@gmail.com and we’ll get to them eventually!**

Sex Toy Saturday

8 Jun

Did you miss Sex Toy Saturday last week?  No?  Well, we got a ton of new followers and they must be initiated!  Ok, so which is the dog toy?

 

Option A

 

Option B

 

See a difference? Nope, us either. However, Option B is the dog toy, despite being called goughnuts. Please stop. The goughnuts stick just LOOKS like it is made to be inserted in something. Wait… What’s that you say?

 

Well that’s unfortunate.

 

Dog Shows for the Uninitiated: A (Total) Beginners Guide to Dog Shows, Trials and Tribulations

8 Jun

As two of the three dog snobs actively compete (and the one who doesn’t will do obedience eventually because Fang has converted Potnoodle to the dark side already), it reasons that we spend a lot of time at dog trials.

*Dog Shows are typically referring to conformation shows. These can have obedience, rally and very occasionally agility at the same location. Dog trials are pretty much exclusively referring to one of the performance, sporting or companion events.

Before attending a dog show as a spectator (or perhaps first-time competitor), it is important that you understand a few basic rules.   Afterall, no one wants an angry breeder/owner/handler/trainer/judge/steward/spectator coming after you with a pointy comb unless you have a camera, in which case, keep it up. You can be Youtube famous and we can get more followers for predicting your demise.  Win-Win.

1. That is not your dog. That is my dog. Don’t touch my dog. Touch your dog.

It’s pretty straightforward kids. This is not a petting zoo. We all (hopefully) passed kindergarten and keeping our hands to ourselves was a key component. Aside from the fact that it’s common sense to not get all up in a dog’s face, just your hand putting a dent into a carefully coiffed rump or baby-talking to that dog prepping in the holding area could cost them points, a title and an actual monetary amount. How would you like it if someone came into the stage wings offering you peanut butter while you were trying to focus? While we understand that poodle’s topknot looks wonderfully pettable, just don’t. Their handlers have scissors and they will, we repeat, will cut you. Potnoodle’s poodles aren’t even conformation dogs and she doesn’t want your greasy hands in their topknot.

We aren’t sure which one used more hair spray, but it’s a safe bet not to touch either of them.

2.  If people look busy, they are. Leave them alone.

See that dog about to go into the ring?  This is not the time to ask the handler a question.   Asking any sort of question moments before entering the ring will earn you a serious case of stink-eye.  From grooming to getting to the correct ring in time to keeping the dog from becoming distracted, handlers have a lot to think about and will not take kindly to you interrupting their well-planned out pre-show routine.. When they’re out of the ring and look unbusy, however, feel free to go over and ask questions; most are very friendly and happy to offer advice.  Note that we say most, because just like in any other arena, there are always going to be assholes. A pro-tip, if you have questions for a specific person watch their ring performance and find something you feel confident in to compliment them on. A simple compliment on their dog is often the first step to a pleasant conversation.

He looks busy.

3. There’s no shame in being a beginner.

Everyone had to start somewhere and if you’re starting here you’re already ahead of the game. Mentors are getting harder to come by for a lot of reasons, so if you’re lucky enough to have one, be grateful. If you’re not, well you’re not alone. That ‘What the hell am I doing here?’ feeling doesn’t go away immediately but eventually you’ll see a pattern. All shows should pretty much work the same way. The key will be knowing what time you’re supposed to be ringside and being there. That schedule you get sent? That’s your bible. Go to the ring first thing when you get there, check in, pickup your number and then you get to wait around. If you’re really confused, figure out who else is in your class and stalk them around in as non-creepy of  a way as possible. Do what they do unless it seems wrong in which case, don’t. Clear as mud? It’s ‘Monkey, see. Monkey, do’.  Unless they’re being an idiot

“This seems like a bad idea.”

4. Ask the Stewards.

These people are volunteers (and usually club members) or they’re paid professionals. It’s their business to know what’s going on. As an exhibitor, these are the people you want to ask your questions to. They generally are nicely dressed, if harried and tend to be obsessively counting things. As a spectator, asking them questions falls under Rule 3. If you aren’t competing, there is bound to be someone seated spectating or just standing around sans dog to ask your questions to.

He’s a steward, right?

5. Being a douchebag will not help you. Being associated with people being nasty will not help you either.

You’re new and therefore being a jerk to anyone is not in your best interest. Being nasty to other competitors, stewards, spectators or judges will not help you. As an exhibitor that number on your arm is an identifier. There’s this bigass book that pretty much every show has called a catalog. That catalog has your information in it including, sometimes your address. Flash frozen poop on your doorstep is the least of your worries. The dog community is small and your reputation as a nice person and a good sport will mean a lot. Being known as ‘That dillhole who made the 82 year old ring steward cry’ is not a moniker you want.

As a spectator, your main goal should be watching and staying out of the way. It’s pretty near impossible not to run across someone nasty eventually. A good rule of thumb is to not associate yourself. Neutrality will save you a major headache down the line. Not to mention as a beginner, keeping your eyes open and your mouth shut will serve you much better in the long-run.

They are cute and can get away with it.

6. People telling you not to do something isn’t a personal attack.

Being asked to move, or move away, or just not be somewhere isn’t personal. Sometimes it can be someone being douchey (We’re looking at you Doxie handmaiden of Satan*) but most of the time there’s a reason beyond “I need two more feet of space next to me because my friend is going to stand there in 5 hours.” You’re probably in the way. Smile, apologize, and move aside and try to find somewhere less in the way. Being told not to eat a hotdog along the ring-gates is common sense so don’t get pissy if you’re told off for it.

She may have overreacted, slightly.

7. Be prepared for amazing feats of “fashion”.  

Mind you, by conformation fashion we are generally referring to a charming blend of modest lady-suits and sensible shoes.   Most female handlers tend to stick to a lovely palette we like to call “Palm Beach Chic”, which basically consists of muted pastels that look like they belong on the set of Golden Girls (RIP Bea Arthur).  The performance events are not immune. If you have a foot-fetish, the sheer number of Vibrams at agility events will give you enough material for a year. There are also endless puns on agility t-shirts  that make little sense to outsiders. Obedience and Rally often have some delightfully tacky breed-wear but it’s generally more subdued than elsewhere. While we suggest you don’t point or laugh (see #5), taking sneaky photos of the “fashion”  you see and then posting online (read: on our blog) is encouraged.  BusyBee is more than willing to provide tips on sneaky photo-taking as it is kind of her forte.

We're

We’re bringing Utah back. Them other handlers don’t know what they lack.

8. Bring Cash.

At dog shows, parking is usually a per-vehicle fee. If you want to eat, or buy things it’s mainly a cash deal. Ipads and other tablet card readers have made it easier but you’ll pay for the privilege.  Know that there will be an abundance of sport and breed-specific gear for sale, and it is almost impossible to walk out of there with something you “need”, even if you are just there as a spectator.

Fang needs it** It’ll fit in the car and everything.

9. If you’re not competing, leave your dog at home.

Barring you having a competition-ready dog at home going for proofing, leave your pal at home. A lot of trials have a strict non-entered dog policy. Dog shows tend to have a more lax approach but a newbie handler with an overstimulated dog can accidentally create a lot of havoc.

Squeakers is perfectly friendly.

10. Crate Conservatively

This is especially true for the performance events. If you have one small dog and bring a giant crate plus an ex-pen…. you’re going to get dirty looks. You may even be asked to pack it up. We get super possessive of our crate space, so don’t bring the whole family and expect to set up a village. Don’t take up more room than you need, and don’t step into someone else’s clearly marked space unless invited.

But with a crate… and more violence.

*Fang has been asked to move by a Doxie-person without a dog for daring stand underneath her personal tree that she had staked out ringside the evening before (Seriously). It was an interesting afternoon.

**If Fang wants to remain friends with Potnoodle, she does not actually need it.

Did we miss anything?  What is your favorite (or least favorite) part of attending dog shows and trials?  Share below!

WTF Wednesday

5 Jun

 

Apparently the number of products out there related to dog poop are endless.  Who knew that the simple act of picking up dog turds required so many accessories?  First there was the Poo-Trap, then there was the Turd Burglar, and now we bring to you Poop Freeze.

 

According to the website, Poop Freeze is an emergency pet product that every pet owner should have. Just Frost & Toss with Poop Freeze!  Worried about how you will fit your 10 oz can of Poop Freeze into your bait bag while out on a walk?  Never fear, because there is a special purse designed just for Poop Freeze.  Just throw it on over your turtle-neck and pleated khakis, and enjoy your walk knowing you won’t have to actually pick up warm dog poo. Your dog might not actually want to walk with you though.

 

To be honest, if we saw someone bent over at the park spraying poop with a aerosol can, we’d be a little concerned. While we can see the appeal for picking up gross loose poop, we don’t really think that’s worth having to haul around a questionable aerosol can.

 

However, they do have something called Dog Fart Terminator. That’s a product we’d definitely be interested in. Wait? It isn’t a robot that follows your dogs around? Nevermind.

Don’t even.

Dog Owner Profile: The Know-It-All Novice.

3 Jun

Description:  

The Know-It-All-Novice (KIAN) knows more about dogs than you do, and they are more than happy to tell you about it.  They also happen to be woefully wrong about 97% of the time. That 3% accuracy rate is, however,  usually not a fluke.  Rather, it’s a shocking ability to regurgitate facts gleaned from internet forums, books, blogs (heh), or through lengthy arguments in Facebook groups on what they ‘actually meant’.

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The KIAN, in their defense, is not a lazy dog owner. Despite their current dog (or dogs) being their first real project animals, they have pulled out all the stops. They are exceptionally dedicated to their canines. They are in a phrase, the ultimate keener. They not only take classes, they take *all* the classes. They don’t have one DVD, they have *all* the DVDs, the books, the streaming account, and the associated training package which comes with its own color-coordinated tote-bag. They have the dog, they have all the gear, they have all the effort, but sadly they have none of the common sense.

The lack of common sense is really not their fault. That comes with time and all the classes in the world can’t make up for sheer sweat and hours. What is their fault, however, is their total inability to to comprehend that they may actually be wrong. From insisting dogs are primates (Yeah, for real), to suggesting Filas to novice handlers, to believing that peanut butter and flax is the  ideal canine weight loss solution, sometimes it seems that they only arrive at these conclusions via Yahoo Answers. There really is no other explanation, and you cannot convince these KIANs of their inaccuracies. These are conclusions they must reach for themselves, or be killed after pissing off someone badly enough, whichever comes first. We’re all for knowing more about our companions but in this instance, a little bit of knowledge is a very dangerous thing.

She just wouldn’t stop talking about reinforcers.

Common Locations:  

Often seen handing out unsolicited advice to innocent passersby, internet forum users, or dog park patrons, the KIAN tends to haunt locations where they can best spout their knowledge  (or lack thereof) to what they assume is a rapt audience. The KIAN can also be found in basic or slightly more than basic obedience classes correcting the instructors while insisting that they know how to do what they are obviously struggling with… they ‘just forgot’. When not alienating others with their strangely militant ideals, they are attempting to add to their experience pouring over dog training manuals and internet forums

“Lemme Do it!”

Breeds Owned:

Unlike some of the types of dog owners we’ve profiled, the breeds owned by the KIAN are widely varied. There is no particular benchmark as to what’s owned, but usually they will insist at their dog’s superior skills at something it was only vaguely bred to do more than a century ago.

All of the dogs, none of the talent.

Skill Level:  
Low to Moderate.  The KIAN has certainly read a great deal about dogs and has the utmost confidence in their abilities as a dog handler and owner, but in all actuality, they are usually going about things all wrong or mostly right with just enough wrong to muddy the waters.  Just don’t try to tell them that.

Yeah, the wheel is spinning but I’m on a lunch break.

Catch Phrases:

“Well, I read that…”, “I’m positive I’m right”, “My professor* told me…” “My research indicates that…”

Was it this professor? Because if so we can understand.

*fictional professor

Anecdotal Evidence:

BusyBee:

As part of my volunteer work at a local shelter, I facilitate meet-and-greets between potential adopters and our available dogs. A recent encounter with a KIAN left me wanting to bash my head in against the kennel wall.  This particular guy said that although he had never owned a dog before, he had done a lot of research and felt well-equipped to adopt.  Within about 20 seconds of the bringing the dog (an adolescent Pit Bull mix) out to meet him, the guy made it abundantly clear that he was a grade-A KIAN.  From correcting the way I was holding the leash (he was wrong) to telling me that Pit Bulls were bred as guard dogs (wrong again), pretty much everything this guy said was incorrect, and yet he was ultra-confident (see the Dunning- Kruger Effect http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect) in his statements.  Needless to say, I was quite relieved when he decided not to adopt that day.  If he did indeed end up adopting a dog from another shelter, I am sure he spends his time correcting and talking over every other dog owner or obedience instructor he meets.

Potnoodle:

My favorite, or least favorite depending on how you look at it, KIAN currently owns his first ever dog. Not his first dog as an adult, first ever. However, he knows alll there is in the world about this dog, this dog’s breed, and all the other dogs in the universe (which are inferior to his dog, because his dog’s breed is the best). How does he know this, you ask? Has he attended multiple training classes? Does he regularly visit dog shows? Is he involved in training at all? No, but he does read a lot of blogs and really that’s just as good… right? No matter, his dog is better than yours and that was on his first try. Imagine how amazing the second one will be.

images-1

Fang:

There is one of these in every other training session. Nevermind trying to instruct them, suggestions are shot down with sniper-like precision lies. They know that, tried it and it didn’t work but their current fumbling will get them through it. Mind you, when it doesn’t it becomes the instructor’s fault and words like incompetence and refund are bandied about. My personal favorite KIAN was owned by a *ick* Cockapoo and both she and her husband attended classes regularly. The husband was a great sport and really took the training to heart. He worked the dog at home and made huge progress very quickly. His KIAN wife merely coasted through making half-hearted attempts at what we suggested, a blank expression taking over her face any time any correction to her (lack of) method was suggested. She was insisting that just telling the dog that she loved him would get him to acknowledge her presence and therefore listen while also saying she has sources to back this up. She literally spent the whole hour telling the dog she loved him and patting his chest. That’s all fine and dandy, but if you are actually paying for advice, you may want to give a courtesy listen. In her last three classes she actually told instructors that they were wrong until the last when she was told that she could continue to come to classes but since she wasn’t going to listen it was an exercise in futility. My second favorite happened to be the owner of a young dog who insisted that her attempts to bite me while I was showing him the correct fit for a flat collar (!) were just her learning to wrestle other dogs. He also insisted on putting this twenty pound dog on a choke chain large enough for a mastiff and insisting that the chain should touch the ground. It was literally the most ridiculous conversation I’ve ever had with someone, including when I’ve been drunk. KIANs are a menace to society and I can only hope their sudden explosion in numbers fades away soon.

It’s forgetful juice, sadly the hangover is almost worth it.

Mutt Shaming (And Purebreds too): A PSA on how not to get featured on our blog in a bad way

1 Jun

If you were waiting on the edge of your seat for this week’s Sex Toy Saturday, sorry. There are only so many penis jokes we can make before we start feeling like twelve year old boys.

Okay, Just one.

Instead, we have a more pressing matter to address. If you missed the complete shit-show that was our comment section last night… you should go read that now. It’s quality entertainment and the commenter that started it did not limit her rage to our comment section, but rather took the worst of it out on one of the Dog Snob’s personal Facebook pages. She was, of course, soundly mocked by our minions. Even her own page (Which, free publicity Dude. Thanks) came out fairly strongly in favor of taking a Xanax and a nap before letting it go.

Like a true adult facing a difference of opinion, she took her ball and went home. Deleted all of her comments, blocked all of the people that commented on the thread and eventually blocked the Dog Snob that posted the article on her own timeline.

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This was all ended with a parting shot that surprised us a little. And while we can handle crazy and we LOVE offended internet crazies… we do not approve of what we’re sure was supposed to be a slam. Dearest readers, we were referred to en masse as ‘Mutt People’. We use the word mutt regularly, and not as a pejorative, but in this instance we felt it necessary to clarify some things so take a seat and brace yourselves.

Ready for impact

Mutt Shaming: Making or attempting to make a dog-owner feel guilty over their dogs’ pedigree or  lack thereof. See also: Awful people.

Awful People: This.

As we think you’ve gathered from the title, we’re ‘Dog People’ and everything that implies.

No, wrong kind of dog people.

Two of us have purebreds, two of us have mixed breeds (If the math screws you up, Fang has both) and all three of us have had some combination of the two at some point. We’re not into saying a good dog is lesser than any other dog because of a pedigree. That’s right, your dog out of champion parents deserves no more and no less love than the dog the next person picked up at the shelter.

or1d2j

Conversely, thoughtfully bred companions from good breeders and the breeding of them are not what causes pet overpopulation in this country.

Mind Blown

Rescuing a dog does not make you a saint, and purchasing a well-bred dog does not make you satan. I know, shocking; the world is not so black and white.

Except here.

A good dog is a good dog regardless of origins. We get our satisfaction from our relationships with our canines, not the paperwork that marks them rescue or breeder. There are enough dogs out there for everyone, and frankly, turning on other fanciers is counterproductive.

Literally shooting ourselves in the foot.

If we actually bothered to focus our energies on what’s making dog ownership harder (BSL, dog-free parks and trails, inexperienced clueless owners setting themselves up for failure, actual puppy-mills and the idiots who perpetuate them) imagine all the great things that could be accomplished. Instead we’re just going to in-fight and bicker until we’ve ruined everything, because we’re human and that’s what we do and it’s depressing and stupid, so let’s just look at cats.

We’ve resorted to this.

We’re mutt people. We’re also purebred people, and pet people, and performance dog people, and dog nutrition people, and competitive dog people, and lazy dog people, and we all like Indian food. Obviously, our disgruntled commentator didn’t find it necessary to learn these things about us, but that’s her loss and you can thank her for our tirade this lazy Saturday.

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In case you wanted the music

The Types of People that Do Agility.

1 Jun

Agility is a dog sport which attracts all kinds, and we mean *all* kinds.   In this entry, we will do our best to categorize a few of the most common types of people you will encounter when involved in agility and the dogs who are stuck with them.

*sigh*

Ex-Conformation Types

If you see someone running a Chow or a Shih-Tzu or any other completely unbiddable breed, it’s a good guess that they are one of these people. They aren’t there because they love agility, and they aren’t there because they love training. They are there because someone told them a balanced dog has titles at both ends and the dog refused to chase a lure.

Not the kind of balance we're talking about

Not the kind of balance we’re talking about

Seriously Serious Types

These are people that have Border Collies or Shelties or Aussies ( and maybe a Papillon). They don’t have time for your questions and actually having questions means you will never be friends. Noticeably, all of their wardrobe comes from Clean Run or at least has ‘tech’ in the name of the fabric somewhere. Much to Fang’s chagrin, these are also people who wear Vibram Toe-Shoes, which are Crocs for people with money.

But Uglier.

Casual Competitor

The casual competitor has a good perspective on it all, mostly. Barring some unforeseen instances where the competition monster erupts, these are good people. Unfortunately, it’s a very small step from CC to our previous category. An early warning sign is going from a breed they actually enjoy to a Border Collie. (We refuse to believe anyone actually enjoys Border Collies.)

“I’m ready. Are you ready? I’m ready. Ready for anything. Ready. Ready. Ready. You’re ready! Get ready now. I’m ready. Ready.”

“I’m ready. Are you ready? I’m ready. Ready for anything. Ready. Ready. Ready. You’re ready! Get ready now. I’m ready. Ready.”

The Best Q is a Res-Q  People

They are more than happy to tell you how abused their snappy Border Collie was before they got involved in agility and would love to tell you the story of how their heart dog was rescued and got them involved in agility. They are often identifiable by the T-shirt sporting their favorite phrase “The Best Q is a Res-Q”. If you mention looking for a dog to these people, they automatically know one that would be “just perfect!”… some actually do, and some just want to pawn off a dog from their backyard rescue.

Your thoughtfully bred dog is satan. Get used to it.

The “I have this breed because I wanted to go to nationals and there are only two in the US doing agility” type

It’s considerably easier to get to AKC invitationals with a Shar-Pei than it is with a Border Collie. There’s a reason for that. So, how does one circumnavigate the system? Get a Border Collie in a weird little hungarian terrier suit. That’s right, a Pumi. If you have  the money to import a dog from the wilds of eastern Europe, you can make it to nationals. You’ll just have to switch breeds again when people start breeding them in the US. *cough* pyr shep*cough*

Fang loves these and doesn’t do agility (yet) so Potnoodle can shut her whore mouth.

Recreational Agiliphile

These individuals routinely take classes and engage in various agility-related activities, but don’t actually have plans to compete for a variety of reasons.  Although the RA is generally more closely aligned with the CC,  they can also come in an annoying subvariety.  These sub-RAs are those people that take up most of the instructor’s time and don’t really care to do things properly.  It is not uncommon to see sub-RAs admiring their dog on top the A-Frame and expecting everyone else to stop and coo in admiration.  This sub-RA is often the bane of existence for the Seriously Serious types who treat every second in class as integral to achieving  agility supremacy. They’re even annoying to the CC or the other RAs

Did we miss any agility types?  Do you recognize yourself in one of the descriptions?  Share below!