Monday Morons

14 May

It’s Monday.  We feel like raging.  We’re not entirely sure how this differs from any other day of the week.





Last week I was on a lovely evening walk with Mr. T when a man came rushing out of his house screaming and flailing his arms in a most dramatic fashion.   By the time I realized I was the target of his hissy fit, he was right up in my face.   With a sour expression on his face, he pointed at a tiny little dog turd on his front lawn and accused me of not picking up after Mr. T, which was laughable for several reasons:  1) The turd was the size of a marble, thus clearly not coming from a 75 pound pittie, 2) the turd was old and dried out, so clearly not fresh, and 3) I was already carrying not one, but TWO full poop bags.  Why on earth would I pick up after him twice and then just say “meh” about a third one, and 4) while he couldn’t have known this, I am a bit of a poo police in my neighborhood and have joked about starting a vigilante “poo crew” because no one likes stepping in dog shit, even dog owners.  While I wanted to tell him that he clearly needed to watch more “CSI” to hone his detective skills, I told him that while I did not take responsibility for the lawn nugget, I would pick it up since he was so clearly distressed about its presence (said in a most patronizing tone, of course). While I understand that people don’t want dog poop in their yards, chastising any and all dog owners who dare pass by your property is just asinine.  Luckily for him, I’m not much into confrontation, so I’ll just passive-aggressively bitch about him here on the interwebz.


“This isn’t even mine, I just don’t want to hear you bitch.”





I got up early this morning because I thought I had to work. Turns out, she only needed me for a short while and I took advantage of that. Went home, grabbed my dogs, and took them off for an adventure. We hit a trail we don’t often hit because it is for leashed dogs only. No big deal, I kept my guys on leash and we hiked up to the waterfall. I passed quite a few people and dogs for a Monday morning, and yes, there were some off leash dogs. They kept to themselves and I kept to myself. Upon returning to my car, I found this:

Well so much for my pleasant mood, asshole. Just because I have dog crates in my car and multiple bumper stickers claiming just how close to crazy dog lady I am does not mean I control all of the dogs. My dogs were on leash the entire time, and even if they weren’t, say something to my face-don’t leave a snotty little note. To add insult to injury, the front of the card was for a semi-local dog grooming shop. Perhaps they thought my poodles needed grooming too?

Someone piss you off over the weekend? Let us hear about it in the comments.


14 Responses to “Monday Morons”

  1. TheRedQueen May 14, 2013 at 1:57 am #

    walked into a Royal Farms for a drink over the weekend…and the woman behind the food counter informed me that I could not have a dog in the store, because, “we have food and stuff”. I told her that he was a service dog. She said, “you can’t have a dog in here…blahblahfoodblah” (it’s a fucking gas station serving food, and you’re worried about a miniature dachshund? Really?) So I said, “no, he can be in here, he’s a service dog, you know…like a *guide dog*. You’ve heard of a guide dog, right?” She actually stared at me and said, “no, I haven’t.” I then lost patience and told her, “well, the two Baltimore city cops standing right there aren’t concerned with him being in here…so maybe you shouldn’t be either.” This woman was Caucasian, was speaking clear English and was in her 60s-70s. How in the world did she miss out on the idea of Guide dogs?

  2. Nicole May 14, 2013 at 2:41 am #

    There really is no hope for the human race… none.. between poop zealots and the broad not knowing what a service dog is, when she clearly needs a seeing eye service dog herself…. I’m proud I never reproduced…. why would I subject innocent children to today’s world.. holy crap…. There are days I am left shaking my head when I leave my groom shop…. thank goodness I have dogs..

  3. landry May 14, 2013 at 2:51 am #

    this has totally happened to me and I have a great dane.
    “no, that tiny yorkie turd isnt hers”
    sigh…just one more arena for stupid.

  4. Head Designer May 14, 2013 at 2:53 am #

    this has totally happened to me and I have a Great Dane.
    “no, that tiny little yorkie turd isnt hers”
    that is a whole, entire bag of stupid

  5. Sami Gerard May 14, 2013 at 2:56 am #

    Oh boy. It didn’t happen over the weekend, or even last week, but it still irks me to think about, and it makes for kind of a funny story too. This happened when my girl was a little puppy: I took her out for a pee and the next door neighbor, some crazy lady who you almost never see, who occasionally gets in to her car and vanishes off the face of the Earth for a week to even a month at a time, just HAPPENED to be outside at this moment. She looked at Ava peeing on the grass (not even her yard, btw. This was “community grass”) and asked me in a pretty unfriendly tone “Do you need a bag?” I just gave her a puzzled look and said “She’s peeing.” The lady huffed and left me alone, but it was pretty clear she wasn’t happy about it. Perhaps I should have started carrying cups around to catch my dogs’ pee in? xD

    Another time, last year, my Border Collie had gotten very, very sick. I think from somehow ingesting the Advantix that was applied to him the night before. Anyways, he was pooping liquid.

    Crazy lady unfortunately happened to see him squatting and straining. She went back inside, got a plastic bag, came back out and crossed the walkway to shove the bag in my face and give me a vicious lecture about how I BETTER pick it up, and how INCONSIDERATE I’m being to the neighbors, and how it’s the LAW to pick up after your pets.

    I argued with her that one cannot pick up liquid crap. This wasn’t simply loose stools. It was brown water. Cannot be picked up. And oh boy… do NOT give me a lecture about what an awful irresponsible dog owner I am when my dog is sick and suffering so badly that he can’t even enjoy playing with his favorite toys. Needless to say he recovered just fine, but I will forever be on bad terms with that old hag for that very incident. 😛

  6. flyndog May 14, 2013 at 3:22 am #

    I get this occasionally at the dog park and out on trails, and it never ceases to steam me. Joker with random (usually offleash) wild, unruly and sometimes dangerous dog(s) watches me call my three dogs to me to negotiate past their idiot dog, or depending on how bad their dog is, put the three of them in a sit stay off the trail to let idiot dog pass. I will sometimes reward my girls for sticking close to me and ignoring said idiot dog, or for holding their stay while idiot dog runs up/barks/growls/lunges. Joker starts out saying to companion joker/child/whoever that “wow, those dogs are so well behaved, look how good they are!” and then, when they see me reward my dogs for their excellent behavior it changes to, “oh, she has food, no wonder.” Yeah right, like there isn’t hours of training behind the behaviors I am asking for and rewarding, like you would have a prayer of getting your dog to do a fraction as well, even if you were waving a steak at him. Pshaw.

  7. Peg May 14, 2013 at 3:45 am #

    I have a somewhat different issue… I have a snarky dog. He’s my friend and I love him, but lordy he’s a stone bastard. He’s like that crabby uncle no one wants to talk to during the holidays. Because of this, I muzzle him when we go to stores or to events where there will be a lot of people in close quarters. I do this because he’s a big dog and he doesn’t like strangers. I do this for his safety and for the safety of others; if he can’t hurt anyone, he can’t get in trouble…
    But the comments! “Why on earth would you bring a vicious dog to *insert venue here*??!” Uh, because it’s good for him to get out, it gives us an opportunity to work on his issues, and because it’s my right. Of all the dogs they will encounter that day, mine is the only one who is guaranteed not to bite them.
    And another, “OMG, how cruel! I could never put one of those on my dog! I’d rather leave him home than put him through that!” Okay, it’s a muzzle, not a bear trap. Not only is it *not* painful or uncomfortable, he likes it. He can pant and drink and even take small treats. It means he has more freedom and he is visibly more relaxed when it’s on… So to all the ‘dog police’ out there, please pull yourselves together and get a clue.

    • silverflame819 May 14, 2013 at 9:07 pm #

      I used to walk a large Rottie with a loose screw. He would bite without provocation. So he wore a muzzle out in public. I got the WORST looks, and the WORST comments. People acted as though I was abusing this dog, and should be burned at the stake! I was getting him out for much-needed exercise, and he was enjoying himself! I have never felt such fury toward the “dog population” than I did while walking that dog. 😦 People think they’re so damn smart and know your dogs better than you do. Of course, their dogs were the ones running around loose who had zero training or manners, and names like Fluffy and Babycakes. *THEANGER!!!*

  8. Sam Tatters May 14, 2013 at 7:11 am #

    It’s so nice to see everyone’s on the same page and posting about things like this lately.

    I clearly must have missed the bit where it said that being a dog owner means taking responsibility for all dogs, everywhere; and that I should let anyone who feels like it’s their right to come up and molest my dogs, to do so.

    Other people suck.

  9. dogwalker May 14, 2013 at 11:25 am #

    As a dog-walker, my business name is front and center pretty much every moment I’m working – so of course I’m highly aware of being respectful in general (especially re: poo issues). Generally, I do my best to keep my dogs out of other people’s yards as a respect thing, but if I know the dog’s habits well, I may let them prance through the grass near the street if I am confident they won’t do any damage. One day, I was walking one such dog (a Boston Terrier) on a narrow street with no sidewalk – so as we’re walking against traffic, I allowed him to hop up into the edge of the grass when there were oncoming vehicles. The lady who lived at that particular house happened to be in her driveway and snarled “would you keep your animal out of my lawn?!”. It’s a 10lb dog, not an elephant. Be serious.

  10. Corgeek May 14, 2013 at 1:33 pm #

    This morning I was taking my two reactive corgis for a walk (on leash – I live in the city with leash laws) and I see this tiny Yorkie (who is never on leash but under control) haul arse at my dogs, yap yapping. I said “THEY WILL BITE HIM”. And the guy is like “Oh moose, sit, come here moose” all nonchalant.

    Why do people think if you own a tiny dog in my town it NEVER NEEDS A LEASH. Luckily my dogs are trained and nothing happened.

    • silverflame819 May 14, 2013 at 9:27 pm #

      I don’t think it has anything to do with a leash. People with tiny dogs seem to (on the whole, not all of you!) not think their dog is a DOG, let alone think it needs any training! 😦

      • Corgeek May 15, 2013 at 5:03 pm #

        That too. I screamed at a lady once who was letting her nasty Pomeranian chase my dogs and think it was great fun.

        We have Leash Laws and wour streets are busy. Why people think their Yorkie or Chihuahua will magically stay on their property instead of walking it on a leash like other people is beyond me.

  11. bitterzuur November 5, 2013 at 1:23 pm #

    I might have been tempted to empty the poobag next to the tiny turd and compare them. Men respond better to visuals.
    I was especially annoyed when I stood there, plastic bag in hand, ready to pick up the poo and then get a lecture about picking up after my dog……..

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