Let’s play a game, kids.
Which one of these things is not like the others?
If you guessed the Hippo* because it’s not blue, you’d be right, but you clearly haven’t read this blog so go back to the beginning and read again. It’s okay. We’ll wait.
The correct answer, now that you’ve caught up is… That thing on the far left. Is it a dog? Is it a new breed of domesticated toad? Was it crushed by an enormous weight on it’s back so now, like a cartoon coyote, it’s turned into a parody of itself? Nope. People breed that. On purpose.
Just do a quick google search and you will see that there all sorts of “breeders” hawking these poor, deformed, unhealthy dogs. As a pittie owner, I am literally offended by the existence of such creatures. Just…no. I suppose the idea behind these toadstools is to look “tough”, but I am pretty sure that dogs that are built like this can’t do anything remotely badass. Good luck even getting one across the street.
I don’t even understand the purpose of these dogs. Apparently the people who breed these dogs don’t care about function, and apparently their idea of “form” is to make these dogs as exaggerated as possible. I literally had to stop searching the internet for pictures of these dogs because it just made me sad. And angry. Most of the pictures I found were reminiscent of an ugly hippo, a toad, or Jabba the Hut. Dogs who look like this are almost always given names like “Felony”, “Kilo”, “Killer”, or “Demon” and tend to belong to people dumb enough to shell out thousands of dollars for these genetic monstrosities.
Depending on what “line” these dogs come from, these monstrosities can cost upwards of $3,000. Sorry to break it you, but I am pretty sure that I can find a sweet-as-pie, poorly bred pittie riddled with health issues at any shelter on any given day for less than $100. Ok, I take that back. In the five years I’ve been involved with rescues and pitbulls, I’ve never seen a dog come through nearly as malformed as the ones sold for big bucks by these “breeders”. Seriously though, can you imagine the health issues on these guys? Joint issues, breathing issues, epic amounts of gas (come on, take a look at these dogs and tell me they can’t clear a room in 4 seconds or less), and countless other issues surely haunt these poor dogs.
Personally, I prefer a dog that can, you know, be a dog. Part of the joy of owning a pitbull is that they tend to be athletic, robust dogs with a zest for life. I don’t see the allure of bringing home a dog that probably won’t ever get beyond your front yard. I call Mr. T my “adventure dog” because he is up for anything, but I’m pretty sure the most adventure these dogs will get is attempting to lick their own ass.
*I love hippos. Like, I’m obsessed. I have a problem. But apparently my hippo obsession only goes so far. In fact, referring to these dogs as hippos is offensive is to actual hippos.
I need this. For reasons.