I have quite a bit of rage in my heart. Almost 30% of it is dedicated to jaywalkers that I just want to run down in my car, but that’s off topic.
An even greater portion is dedicated to the breeding and breeders of “doodles”.
Honestly, I’m not even one of those people that can take the high road and forgive the dogs of their owner’s folly. They’re gross, they’re dumb, and they’re ugly. And I don’t like the way their mommy dresses them either.
When I worked for a groomer, we had at least one a week come in, mostly goldendoodles, both miniature and standard sized. They usually smelled like ass, often had foreign objects embedded in their pelt, and were invariably named something like Carlton.
Real Dog People don’t own doodles. Doodle owners sometimes evolve into Real Dog People when they wisen up and go for a rescue or a breeder for their next dog. If a RDP wants a mixed breed, they go for a rescue or perhaps, if they’re a special kind of idiot, a purposeful sport mix.
Most Common Reasons for getting a Doodle.
1. We wanted a hypo-allergenic dog.
There are many, many reasons this is wrong. Most importantly, even actual non- shedding breeds are not hypo-allergenic. That’s right. Every lie every poodle back yard breeder has ever told you is just that– a lie. Sorry.
2. We want a dog that doesn’t shed.
Sorry, dumbass, there’s no guarantee that f1 cross isn’t going to leak hair like an Alaskan Gas line leaks oil. I’d say get a poodle if you want something that doesn’t shed, but I don’t want you besmirching the good name of my breed. Get a stuffed animal, we’ll all sleep better at night.
3. “We want a dog with the hair of a poodle and the brains of a lab/golden”
No. I can’t even. Just get out. If you’re the sort of person that says that and you read this blog… just stop. We don’t need your views.
Doodles are dumb. Ask any trainer, groomer, or person that has looked at one for more than ten minutes at a dog park. Poodles are incredibly intelligent. Golden Retrievers are smart and very willing to please. Labs are… well labs are labs, but whatever, they’re smarter than doodles. I’m not really sure what happens in that fuckery of gene muddling that doodles are, but it’s bad. They run in to shit. they have no dog/dog manners, and they’re no good at what either breed was bred to do. For science*, I googled “Doodle retrieving ducks” and I got…. nothing. There were a few pics of doodles being the ugly ball of scruff that they are, several of standard poodles retrieving and even a few of Irish water spaniels. Pro tip: those aren’t doodles.
*Science. It works, Bitches.
Got Doodle rage? Got Potnoodle rage because she hates doodles? Feel free to get it all out in the comments.