Sex Toy Saturday

21 Apr

It’s time kids! Well, not kids. Kids, please don’t read this. Little pitchers big… erm. Yeah, just don’t read on.

The Level has been found (Image courtesy of somewhere that’s not us)

In any event, we’ve got a tricky one for you this Saturday,  so strap on your pervert pants (or pervert pantyhose, or whatever our readers wear under their trenchcoats) and get guessing!

Those are sexy suspenders. It’s totally fine if he’s a pervert.

Got wood? These manufacturers do, and they’re all about the sharing for your pleasure… or your dogs…or both. We don’t judge*.

Option A:

It’s long and hard and ready for you.

Option B:

Ridged for  _____________ ‘s pleasure.

We’ll just give you a moment to contemplate those with some thematic music.

Or perhaps something to match the jungle beats offered by the subtle curve of its tumidity.

Or it’s just hilariously bad and Fang loves this song.

Didja guess yet? No… It’s okay, we’ll be waiting right here.

Don’t click it! It’s a trap!

Well minions, if you guessed A, you’d be completely and totally incorrect. That little beauty is the JW Pet Bark Stick. These are the people who brought you the Cuz brand toys (Those balls with feet and the horns or no horns depending on their relative behavior in a land populated entirely by dog toys.) and this stick-thing is no exception. Described as eloquently as possible, the stick is designed so you may “Throw it and let your dog retrieve the stick.”. Yup, that totally clarifies its usage now.

So that leaves us with Option B. If you picked this, we’re concerned about you as a person. No, really, we’re worried. In case you’re wondering why we say that it’s because this is also a dog toy! I know, we’re bitches. This little gem is the Griggles Rubber Stick. We like to imagine there are multiple sticks of multiple materials but maybe that’s just us.

The Butter Stick. Your dog will love it even if your carpet won’t.

These do not look like things that should enter any orifice ever.  EVER!   Yes minions, are both dog toys.  For real.  Toys meant for dogs.  Both of them. Don’t get any ideas. We know you will.

*We totally judge.

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