Dog Owner Profile: The Undercompensator

5 Apr

We know you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover.  Psh….like that will ever stop us.  Next up in our dog owner profiling category is the large man with a small dog, or as we like to call them, The Undercompensator.

Description:

Lately, we have been noticing an interesting phenomenon— very masculine looking men driving in their monster trucks or strutting around the street with a dog the size of a Dorito on the end of the leash. They are usually seen with little teeny dogs (often wearing rhinestones collars) that are almost always on the end of a flexi-leash.  It is impossible to run across an Undercompensator without wondering what this is all about.  It is clear that small dogs are seen as being vulnerable, cute, and in need  of protection. Could it be a part of these men needs to feel held and protected — a vulnerable, powerless aspect that feels small and cannot be expressed to other people because of cultural conditioning? Men are not supposed to be vulnerable, especially these men who make their living in such physical and “manly” fields.  Or could it be that these men are just in fact extremely secure with themselves and throw cultural norms to the wind. Either way, as big as these men are, physical size cannot outweigh their teeny dogs’ massive attitude. Approach Princess Puddlekins with great caution. They may be tiny, but they’ve got backup.

Serves him right for calling me short, Fucker.

 

The Undercompensator tends to wear clothing that accentuates their physicality (think muscle tees, athletic pants, and tight crew neck t-shirts) and often have jobs that require raw physical strength, such as construction, personal trainers, or hitmen.

Close Enough. Hello Sir!

Common Locations: The Undercompensator knows no geographical  boundaries.  From big cities to small towns, The Undercompensator can be seen proudly walking his dog…or carrying it in his giant arms.

What you expected a Chihuahua? Racist!

 

Breeds Owned: Chihuahuas, Papillons, Miniature Pinschers, Boston Terriers… if it’s under 20lbs and can wear a sweater you’re pretty much set.

It’s like the beginning of a musical… *snap* step *snap* twirl *snap* double pirouette.

 

Skill Level: Low to medium. These dogs are often spoiled, overweight and untrained. While some men with small dogs will disprove this, overwhelmingly most dogs who belong to Undercompensators are spoiled rotten.

 

Catch Phrases: “It’s my girlfriend’s dog”, “Size Matters”

“Yup. So your girlfriend must fondle the dog when she Frenches him. Gotcha.”

 

Anecdotal evidence:

 

BusyBee: There is a particular Undercompensator in my apartment complex who owns the tiniest of chihuahuas–literally the size of a city rat.  I should note that his dog probably has a more expansive wardrobe than I do (and yes, I’m only mildly jealous) and is spoiled rotten.  The first time I heard him speaking baby talk while holding his dog tightly against his enormous pecs, I literally had to stifle laughter.  Mind you, this is the same man that I see constantly at our gym and whom I refer to as “the grunter” due to the excessive man noises he makes when weightlifting.  (For the record, I’m pretty sure he could bench-press me).  I guess I should be inspired by his ability to ignore gender stereotypes, but I swear every time we cross paths while letting our dogs out, I can’t help but see the irony in the fact that his little princess is being carried around as to not get her feet wet, and my own dog is purposely farting upwind.

 

Judging by the steroid induced muscles, the dog isn’t the only thing that is tiny…

Potnoodle: I’m a bit ashamed to say my own father is one of these men. When I was growing up, he always had Jack Russell Terriers in the house (As well as larger ‘outside’ dogs) and he now has a Chihuahua and a Westie/Maltese mix. He absolutely spoils both of them. They go everywhere with him, to the groomer once a month, and both look like little sausages on legs. They both have sweaters that he has no shame in putting on them when it’s nippy out. He has a water bottle contraption that he keeps hooked to his belt loop when they go out on hot days.  The chihuahua is down right nasty and only likes my father. The Westie mix is a much more pleasant dog, fortunately. My dad says he will never be without a small dog, god help us all.

 

“My dad can kick your dad’s ass.”

Fang: Late to the party but my stories can be summed up in a few words; Bikers, Yorkie, Boarding, and Inconsolable. Dropping off ‘Zachary’ the Yorkie was like a departure scene from some war movie. His owners, two very large men in biker-leather were sniffing back tears dropping off their sweet prince with what could only be described as a metric fuckton of gear. This dog’s bed cost more than mine let alone the toys, treats, food and outfits. They called every day to see to his well-being and when they picked him up there were tears of joy. Zachary was in the tolerable end of temperament and generally should turn out okay-ish but the dichotomy frequently surprises other clients who witness such exchanges.

pug-meme-puppy-squeaky-toy

What do you think when you see an Undercompensator and his pint-sized pooch?  Share below!

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4 Responses to “Dog Owner Profile: The Undercompensator”

  1. Christine Vezina April 6, 2013 at 12:15 am #

    I met my first large tough guy/small dog couple at a friend’s house. Turns out his father had rescued a small Poodle years ago, who ended up accompanying him everywhere – including construction jobs where larger dogs would have been noticed and banned. The little guy was tough and athletic, but well-trained in the areas he needed to be. Most often he would sleep in his owner’s truck with the window down, jumping in and out on his own to cool off, relieve himself or check in with his nearby owner. After the Poodle passed away, the guy got a Lab to hunt with. When the Lab passed, remembering his old little friend, he adopted a small Poo’ mix from a local shelter.

    So I guess I usually assume they do come from a place of love.

    Or that they’re trying to “pick up chicks.”

  2. Tiffany Marshall April 6, 2013 at 12:17 am #

    I’ve never been into small dogs myself. Definitely a big dog person. Little dogs are harder to house train anyway.

  3. Savannah April 25, 2013 at 4:30 pm #

    Footballs with legs. JMHO.
    Love,
    S.

  4. Savannah April 25, 2013 at 4:31 pm #

    PS- Who’s punting? hehe!

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