Human Shaming: The Dog Snob Edition

19 Mar

By now, most of you have probably seen the website known as “Dog Shaming”, where people share stories about the naughty things their dogs did.   Here at The Dog Snobs, we are not immune from these often embarrassing moments.  We’re actually fairly certain that some of our dogs actually bathe in the glory of making us look like idiots.   Here are a just a few examples of the ways in which our dogs like to bring us shame.

BusyBee:

 I honestly don’t really know where to begin.  Mr. T is a dog that likes to make a scene–a real center of attention type.  Always has been.  He’s a complete ham and will “show off” for people if he senses they find him amusing.  Usually this ends up being at my expense.  If I had to choose the three most embarrassing things Mr. T has done to me, they would be (in no particular order):

Indecent exposure:   Mr. T came to me as a pup with a bad habit of tugging on clothes, and although we had been working on it, this unfortunate “trick” was still likely to make an appearance when he got overly excited.  One morning while out on a walk, we passed by a bunch of construction workers who wanted to come say hi to him.  Apparently having a bunch of men in construction hats cooing over him was just too much to bear, so he jumped up, tugged the back of my pants, and dragged them all the way down to my ankles.  In the daylight.  In front of about 20 construction workers. Yep.  This all resulted in a few whistles and cat-calls and me grabbing Mr. T and running back inside as quickly as I could.  I spent the next few weeks slipping out the back entrance of our building so I could avoid my new fan club.

Shitting at the Ritz:   On one of our daily walks as a young pup, I decided to take Mr. T on a stroll through our neighborhood, which was lined with fancy hotels.  We were walking merrily on our way when suddenly, and in the middle of the circular driveway for the Ritz Carlton, Mr. T stopped and had epic diarrhea.  As I sat there mortified trying to figure out how to clean it up, I was immediately greeted by several disgruntled doorman as well as a handful of really disgusted hotel patrons waiting for their limos to come pick them up.  Except the limos didn’t dare pull up since Mr. T’s mess was smack dab in their way.  I apologized profusely, cleaned up what I could, and scurried out of there.  Not that I’m the type of person to hang out at the Ritz anyway, but I’m pretty sure I was black-listed there after this incident.

Tourist Trap:  And there was the time that we unwittingly became the highlight of a large group of Japanese tourists visiting the Washington monument.  Sigh.   Mr. T went through a phase (fine, like a two year streak) of flopping emphatically on the ground and refusing to move when he didn’t want to leave what we were doing.  Given he weighs 75 pounds, this usually meant that I would wait it out until he decided that getting moving again was more rewarding than playing mule.  However, this time, right as he started to throw a tantrum, a group of roughly 50 Japanese tourists stopped dead in their tracks to look at us, and before I knew it, cameras were flashing, people were giggling, and a few brave souls even had their pictures taken next to Mr. T (who was still playing mule) and me.  The more they huddled around us and laughed, the more Mr. T ate it up.  He tends to think any attention is good attention, so he stayed on his side, wagging, and mugging for the crowd.  Now, I don’t speak Japanese so I didn’t know for sure what they were saying, but I am pretty sure that we ended up on quite a few of their vacation slideshows.

Fang:

I tend to block out the many ways in which my dogs have embarrassed me and generally speaking I have fairly biddable creatures. They’re fairly content to come along quietly so generally speaking their transgressions tend to be minor.

The Closet: I tend to bring my larger two dogs to work. Z is fairly content to hang around the desk (and in fact has a bed underneath it for uninterrupted napping). M is 1) Too large 2) Too exuberant and 3) Too much of a Malinois to appreciate people reaching over the desk, and as such he can either be in the grooming area or he goes out to daycare to run out his zoomies. This particular morning was unusual in that grooming was too busy to accommodate him and daycare was not running because of inclement weather so M was hanging out in the office. Inside the office is a large walk-in closet with some shelves and some boxes and not a lot else. Several dogs came in at once to get nails dremeled, one of which dislikes M intensely, so being inventive, I shuffled M into the closet to wait while we sorted out who was in the office. After returning the first of the six dogs from their pedicure, a noticeable odor had permeated the office. Three of us wandered around trying to locate the inevitable poop pile, but put it down to one of the dogs having gas. As the smell intensified after each dog, we all quickly turned into bloodhounds trying to locate it as even clients were commenting. As you can predict, I traced the smell to the single locale I had been dreading. Inside the closet looking pleased with himself sat M, surrounded by smears of the giant poop he’d taken on the floor. I grabbed his collar and shuffled him outside as quickly as I could manage but the evidence was all over him and the floor and the wall, in front of clients. It took over 15 minutes to clean and deodorize the area.

The CGC Test: M tackled the evaluator for kisses and hugs.

The Heel Free: Z heeled beautifully down one side of the ring in her first UKC Novice Obedience class. We took the left turn and she decided she wasn’t going to repeat herself, turned, trotted to the judge and sat in the center with her to watch me complete the heeling pattern sans dog. By the time I finished she was leaning on the judge’s leg. It was not a fun car ride home.

Potnoodle:

 At this point, I’m basically immune but I do have a few standout occasions.

Awkward Agility: The First time I remember being truly embarrassed by my dogs, was my first time in the agility ring. I set B, my cattle dog mix, up at the start , tossed her leash to the side and led out to the first obstacle. I looked back over my shoulder and called. B promptly turned, grabbed her leash, hopped over the first obstacle with leash in mouth and then turned and left the ring. My mother had to catch her going out of the ring, I was mortified.

Fancy, yet Farty: L is a lovely dog, very lady-like in movement and action. There is, however, one big divergence from her polite behaviour. She’s gassy. It rarely stinks, but it is always loud. It never fails that I ask her to sit and as soon as her bottom hits the floor she farts. I always get awkward looks. People assume it is me, I guess. I sometimes gesture half heartedly at L but I’ve given up mostly. I’ve been accused of blaming it on the dog. It wasn’t me, it was the dog. Really.

Putting on the Brakes:My most recent Dog Embarrassment is thanks to my boy, I. We compete in dock diving and he constantly makes fools of us. He hits the dock running, spinning around, screaming for his bumper. I set him up back at the 20 foot line, walk to the end of the dock, release him. He comes thundering down the dock, ninety miles an hour… and puts on the brakes. Nearly sliding in half the time. He then proceeds to scream and spin at the edge of the dock. I am constantly tempted to just push his ass off in the drink. Apparently, that’s frowned on. He does, eventually, go in. Not before eating up all of our time though.

What are your most embarrassing dog-related stories?  We want to hear them!

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One Response to “Human Shaming: The Dog Snob Edition”

  1. mathitalladdsup August 1, 2013 at 10:18 am #

    Every time I take Honey out in public and she sees/hears/senses another dog she whimper-whines in a VERY high-pitched tone. It is beyond embarrassing and not the best showing of a pit bull. People tend to think she wants to eat the other dog, but every time we have been run-up on by “friendly” (read rude) dogs, she is playful and happy. It is when she is not allowed to socialize that she goes crazy. The only dog class in my area is Petco (not recommended) and she did that the whole first session and part of the second, then every time a new dog showed up. We do most of our exercising indoors now, at least until I can find a real trainer (if there are any around here). 😦

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