Oh how I loathe you
Small invisible wire
Flexi-leash of doom
Here at the Dog Snobs, few things annoy us more than retractable leashes, or flexi-leads. Seriously, those corded death-traps and the people holding them send all of us into a blind rage. However, given the sheer amount of them we see, we realize it’s not realistic to completely get rid of them. So, instead of burning them all with fire, we’ve come up with 10 alternative (read: better) uses for retractable leashes.
1) Jump rope.
Extend to the maximum length, lock, and have at it. This could possibly the next big fitness trend.
2) Trip wire for home security.
Given how effective these are at tripping people (BusyBee knows from personal experience), it makes perfect sense to put them to good use to keep home invaders out. Simply extend the leash and pull taut in front of your door. No burglar will be able to bypass the flexi-leash of doom, trust us.
Flexi-leashes seem to come in all sizes and colors, so with the leash fully retracted, it will make an excellent decorative paperweight for any desk.
Have you ever gotten a rope burn from a fast-moving flexi-lead? Yeah. That shit hurts. A lot. People have had fingers chopped off due to getting tangled in a flexi-leash. Seriously.
5) Dog-proof fridge lock
BusyBee’s Mr. T is what we like to call, “mechanically gifted”, and has learned, on his own, how to open the household refrigerator. Even the installment of a child-lock only kept him out for 24 hours. Perhaps tying a flexi-lead around the fridge, looping through the handles, and then using the convenient locking function will keep him out….
Nothing says “The Dog did it” like a murder weapon that hides its own evidence in a spring-loaded carrying case. You probably don’t want to reuse that lead though…
While we can’t understand why anyone would choose to carry around such a large hulking handle, we can see the potential use as a weapon. Who needs mace when you can beat someone over the head with a flexi-leash handle?
8) An Introduction Aide
Little gets you as up close and personal with someone as when your unruly labrador wraps their flexi-lead around the ankles of an unsuspecting date candidate. From a distance you can gauge fitness and dexterity without ever having to speak to the person. If you’re not interested, release the handle and allow it to snap back with amazing force on the stranger’s knee to punish them for wasting your time. If you’re interested, call your dog while throwing their favorite toy over your shoulder. Your next date should be arriving in less than 10 seconds, likely slightly disheveled, and maybe a little mad, but really they should be flattered.
9) Toddler Control
We at Dog Snobs will judge you horribly for using a flexi to control your dog, but it seems the perfect tool to corral your sticky spawn. The length of the line allows you to give your child room to be independent while still allowing you the power to yank them back if they take off into oncoming traffic. Press lock and hang it on something high and you have a handy tether system for the tyke. Get a friend to come over and have toddler races, first child snapped back at the end of the twenty foot line wins. Toddler Yo-Yo, corralling unruly children like a bundling rope, extreme red rover. The possibilities are endless when you unhook the leash from your dog’s collar and onto your toddler’s… well…. whatever you can find to hook it on.
10) We honestly couldn’t come up for a tenth reason for using these harbingers of doom (other than hanging the dog owners who use them).Get a real leash.
Have your own alternative use? Let us know in comments!